I hate (HAAAATE) when people act like they have the perfect life. Especially people who are married or are in relationships. Lets be honest, no one....NO ONE...has the perfect, happy all of the time, never have an issue or disagreement, worry free life. No one. And if you think you do...you are lying. Yep...I said it. So let me be honest. Jason and I have had our fair share (probably more than our fair share) of disagreements/fights/issues. In fact, the past six months have been like a road filled with speed bumps and potholes. We certainly have not been coasting down a freshly paved highway. To put it bluntly, the honey moon is over. (As if we ever had one)
Last weekend was a rough one. We spent the entire weekend arguing/yelling and being unhappy. It sucked. But by the end of it, we had gotten a lot (and a lot may be an understatement) of shit off of our chests and had agreed we both have things to work on. So I can't say it was all bad or not needed. Plus, its not like we have the normal just-moved-in-together kind of life.
First of all..I have some baggage. (as Jason likes to put it) I am divorced, that marriage was an abusive one so I am still recovering and dealing with that, I have a baby, a medical issue, and lots of bills. Jason inherited a bunch of stuff when he scored me and it wasn't just my good looks and phenomenal personality. And poor Jason has never lived with a girlfriend, let alone a girlfriend and her mama's boy of a child...so I KNOW it isn't all fun for him. (Ya'll thought I was kidding when I said he thought a day without flying Thomas' was a good one)
Secondly, when it rains it effing pours. And in this desert it has been pouring at the Holmes & Watson household. First we move in together, then I get severely depressed (due to my awful birth control), then I have to get a lawyer and start a battle with the ex (which STILL continues), then I am dealing with my cervical cancer issues (Jason was a trooper and even held my hand through a biopsy...it was the nicest thing ever), then we got a flood of medical bills (courtesty of me..oops), and we are dealing with my extreme dislike of where we live. And thats just the big stuff...not talking about the little issues, like Bowen having to get used to Jason and all of the drama that comes with it. Basically, it has been a shit storm and we need a freaking break from the bullshit.
I am not one to act like I know all of the answers to relationships. My parents are divorced, so I can't say that I had the model relationships to look at growing up. My first marriage was a failure. (ok not completely, I got a gorgeous angel of a boy from it AND I believe everything happens for a reason) And I am very guarded, which comes off as defensive and negative, in my relationships. But what I DO know is that every couple goes through this...that they all have problems at some point and go through rough patches. Jason and I communicate veeeerrrryy...very, very, very...differently. THIS is an issue of ours. Atleast we both admit it. After last weekend we are both working on it. Which is good, because you know comminucation is everything in a relationship. And I think it is SUPER important that couples (especially couples with little heathens...I mean kids) get a break. Jason and I have gotten stuck in this rut, and its work, home, kid every single day. It is hard because we don't have much extra money, we don't have help out here in this shit hole, and I feel guilty being away from Bowen for too long. (among other things) But what we haven't been doing, is taking care of US. And that is necessary...and better for Bowen.
It is SO easy to get stuck in these situations. I mean, I didn't think that we would have all this crap going on already. (should have known though, just my luck) What we have had to do is fight it out and figure it out. It sure hasn't been easy for us and I know that there are more arguments to come. All I can say is, I am lucky to have a man who is willing to fight it out with me and not give up. I am 100% sure he can find someone with less baggage and issues. Thankfully, he isn't to that point yet. (and he has to admit Bowen and I are entertaining...even if its waaay past Bowen's bed time and he is on OUR bed telling Jason, "Shhh I TWYING to SWEEEEP!" while he is 1 inch from his face...probably drooling on him...and I am cracking up and Jason has to be up at the ass crack of dawn for work)
So for all of those couples going through hard times and thinking "When will the shit end?!?!"..hang in there. Work on the communication. Take a break..even if you guys just go out for one drink or shopping for groceries together. I know it is really easy to say, "Eff it, I am done" (those words have come out of my mouth once or twice or ten times over the past few months) without really giving it a try and looking at why things are sucking ass at the moment.
Anyways..I am off my soap box. The point is relationships are hard work...and they can suck ass sometimes...but there are the days when it all seems so right and perfect. And that is what counts. Those moments.
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