The Mom Bod

There are lots of things kids ruin. Vacations, a full night's sleep, freedom, your bountiful bank account...and for the mommy, her body. Now there is a rare breed who bounce right back after birthing their baby and you could never tell she popped a kid out. I hate that breed. I am obviously not part of that group. I am part of the wide-hipped-stretch-mark-covered-never-going-back-to-my-pre-baby-jeans group. I am probably the leader of this group. And I am also a young mom. This causes many issues in my life.

Before Bowen I was super cute. I was a size 3, had a cute JLo booty (well thats what it was called), and stretch marks were a mystery to me. Now...the kid has wrecked my body. I have stretch marks on my A cups. (Granted they were like D cups when my un-used milk came in) I have stretch marks and gross skin on my tummy. I have HUGE hips. Even my Mimi (God rest her soul) told me (on her death bed...no shit) that she knew I would be a good mommy because I have breeding hips. (Ok so they weren't ever tiny hips, but now they could carry a set of triplets on each one) Anyways...I am a prisoner in this body of mine..and right now..it is depressing the EFF out of me.

Immediately after Bowen I felt like a huge fat whale. And I kind of was one. My mom told me to get some spanx and it would help suck my belly in. It didn't work. I wasn't too serious about the dieting bc I was exhausted. (welcome to being a single mom, Sarah) I had lost some weight, like 20 pounds, pretty quickly and was feeling a lot better about myself by the time my now ex husband came home from Iraq. However, he was grossed out by the new bod (ughhh lets not even get into it) which, once again, made me grossed out by it. So I spent the next 9 months wearing jeans and big t-shirts or sweat suits. (SEXY) When I left him I decided it was time to get back to the old Sarah, who oozed confidence and a don't give a F**k attitude, back. I dieted (special K diet works) and lost more weight, got a cute haircut, and was rocking it, stretch marks and all. But this brought about another dilemma.

The clothes situation. It didn't really start until I put Bowen in swimming lessons. I have a super cute grey bikini with skulls and crossbones on it. I love it. I signed Bowen and I up for mommy and me swim lessons and our first class was like junior high all over again. I was the only mommy in a bikini. All the other moms had on one pieces or those tankini thingies and cover ups and were looking very...mommyish. I had short hair with purple in it and a huge tattoo on my back and was walking around in a bikini in front of all the dads. Let me tell you, while waiting for our class to start there were lots of shitty looks and LOUD whispers headed my direction. Believe it or not, I have feelings too, and this wounded them. And I was really hoping swim lessons would be a way for me to meet some cool moms and make some friends who understood my situation. I was really, really wrong. The next couple weeks I tried to keep the confidence and wear the bikini, but none of the moms would talk to me, so I wore a tankini. LAAAAME. Anyways, the point is, I was suddenly unsure of the way I was dressing. Should I cover up more? Should I wear cardigans and mom jeans? OR do I stay true to me and wear skulls and cross bones and tight, hip hugging jeans? Obviously...I did not give in and I am still wearing whatever I want, appropriate or not. But this still doesn't help the shopping situation. Which leads me to my next situation....

Once you have a kid can you still shop in juniors or do you have to make your way to the ladies section?? I am short, which really answers this question for me...juniors it is. But some of the shit that is in the juniors section nowadays is even too much for me. Last night I went to target and was looking at dresses (I have gained a few pounds and am determined to lose it, but in the mean time, I can't be walking around nekkid). I picked out a black sundress, a green sundress, and a blue jumper. (Who the eff decided to bring those things back??) So, kinda off the subject, I don't know what evil human being decided to design the dressing rooms this way, but there are mirrors all around so you can see your body from the front and back. It was horrible. I was mortified at myself...which only makes me want to diet and go to body pump class more. BACK to the story. So the jumper made me look like a fat 1st grader. Not ok. The green dress was ok...very casual, and had no shape. And the black dress made me look like a kid headed to a tea party. Why can't there be cute, young dresses that make you look semi-adultish?? I mean seriously! I then went to the ladies section and the dresses there all looked like we should be going to a business brunch while wearing pearls. Let me just say...it is tough being a young mommy, who wants to look cute, but not like she is trying too hard. I mean, I don't want the daycare ladies thinking I am skanky or something.

Anyways, this week my confidence is kind of at an all time low. I would rather be 9 months pregnant in the Las Vegas heat, then look the way I do right now. I am sure every woman, mommy or not, has been here one time or another. (The pounds sure come on a lot easier then they come off) And it certainly doesn't help that the mom-friend making has been at an all time low since I moved to this hell hole. (Which makes me loathe this place more.) The fact of the matter is, being a mom is hard. You are constantly learning everything the hard way, something always needs to be done or fixed, you have a HUGE amount of stress on your shoulders because you never want anything even potentially harmful to come near your child, the list goes on and on..and on top of it all, you have to deal with yourself and your insecurites. And today...I am (bitching) venting about it. Sometimes you just need a pair of jeans too look great (or fit). Sometimes you need to feel sexy. Sometimes you need to eat an Oreo McFlurry and not pay for it..and I don't mean monetarily. And sometimes you just need to fit in. So for all the mommys out there who have ever had this moment...I feel for you. And you know what, the most beautiful thing in the world is being a good mommy...even if you have a stretch mark or twelve.