The Language of....Love???

One of the best parts of being a mom is watching your baby grow and develop. And knowing that sooner or later you will not be up to your elbows in shitty diapers and SOME DAY you can tell your kid to make his own damn dinner because you are too tired. Anyways...here are how things have progessed...ok well some of it. Obviously he rolled over and then crawled and then walked. ALL kids do that..so I am not even going to try to act like that was something special. PLUS we all know my child would never be average and he likes to do things in his own way.

Bowen never called me mommy or mama right away. My names have grown just like my bouncing baby boy. First I was called MA. Yea. Ma. Like, "Ma, where is the cracklin' bread?" or "Ma!! The chickens all got out!" (which fits since my name is Sarah Jean...my parents must have hated me) I really did not love being called Ma.

Then it was mom. Now mom was better than ma. But isn't that what your teens call you? I wasn't prepared to NOT get the warm fuzzy feeling of hearing your baby call you mama or mommy. Instead I was mom...the food preparer and clothes folder...nothing more...nothing less.

But recently...over the past 6 months...I have evolved into Mommy. Omg...best thing ever. I know it is kind of stupid, but Mommy is SO much more loving than Ma..or Mom. Even Jason noticed that Bowen can get almost anything he wants if he just puts mommy before or after it. For example, "Mommy I want chocolate milk." BAM...the kid gets the chocolate milk, doesn't matter if he hasn't eaten dinner yet or if he just threw a massive temper tantrum. Or, "I play in the sand mommy!", two seconds later he is outside playing in the sand box. Usually butt naked. Who has time for clothes when the sand box is waiting?

However, Jason can't talk. His name has changed a lot too! First it was Saysin, now it is Daysin and Daddy. Depending on the mood. I have noticed that it is usually Daddy when he is upset and Daysin for every other moment. Now..I don't know if being called Daddy gives Jason the same warm and fuzzy feeling (the last I heard, it was weird to him..but that was 3 or so months ago so maybe he has warmed up to the idea) but I LOVE it. And Jason actually calls himself 'Daysin'...so you can't tell me he doesn't get a kick out of his ever-evolving names. (He really is not the hard ass he tries to pretend he is)

All I know is that I am SO thankful to finally be branded MOMMY! It is an accomplishment I tell you! But along with the evolving names, come the evolving everything else. Bowen is talking up a storm lately. Sometimes it is SO adorable and I am the proudest mommy ever, other times I want to bang my head against the wall or hide.

It is nice to have Bowen TELL me what he wants, instead of guessing 6000 times. (most of the time this is the case...we still have our days though) Now he can say, "I want a coke." (we don't really give him coke, it is sprite, but he doesn't know that) Or he can say, "I want chips and queso." (his fav meal of all time) This is a nice change of pace. But of course, with the good comes the bad.

Sometimes when Bowen gets a spanking he will look at me and yell, "You no hit me mommy!!" This makes things a little more challenging. Or when Jason tells him something he says, "No talking to me Daysin!" (ok most of the time this happens when Jason is annoying him so I can't REALLY blame Bowen, but sometimes its not) And of course there is the repeating.

I have a potty mouth. I admit it!! I don't need the lectures or the tsk'ing that is going on right now. I know I have to be careful what I say. This is apparent on a weekly basis. So suck it..I really am working on it. LUCKILY the kid may repeat it once, but since we don't make a big deal about it, that is usually the only time it is said. Here are my two examples...One time..I was cleaning house (probably bc I was mad about something which means I was tornadically and carelessly cleaning) and I stubbed my toe really hard. Since I was in pain (obv the ONLY reason I would use such a profane word) I yelled, "OH F*^K!". Unfortunately Bowen was trailing behind me and yelled the same thing. Ooops. I immediately clamped my hands over my mouth...ok...and I giggled. Seriously...it is funny when your little kid says that. (bite me) Like I said...I am working on it. PLUS I was in pain!! And then there was today. Jason was telling me about the different stages of waking up Bowen was in. (he has like 35 stages) This was the conversation.

Me: Is my little love muffin waking up?
J: He is in stage one...he moved...but his eyes aren't open.
45 seconds later
J: Ohhh stage 2!! He is stretching!!
30 seconds after that Bowen says something angry and incoherent to Jason
J: Stage 3 the bitchiness has begun!
Bowen: I NOT bitchiness DAYSIN!!

He was just defending hisself ya'll!!!
Ok so we get it. We both talk about this every week that we really need to be careful of what we say..and we are getting better. But of course, we are human and sometimes a shit or damn or asshole MAY accidentally slip out.

Anyways, the best part of things lately has been how sweet Bowen can be. Last weekend he was giving me a big squeeze (a hug) and told me, "Mommy I wuv you fow-ever and ever and ever and ever." Omg...melted my heart. Or when he came in one morning and was letting me hold him and said, "Dis is my fami-wee." I didn't even know he knew what a family was. But once again, melted my heart. Now...its not always loves and hugs. Sometimes he says, "Its MINE!" or "I WANNA WATCH A BID-EO!!!" (video) at the top of his lungs. But...it is fun to think of what he is going to say next. Last weekend he was telling me, "Use your imagination mommy!" and I am sure this week it will be something equally as entertaining.

We have obviously got the talking down, now if we can just get the peeing and pooping in the potty chair down...and maybe some sharing..or even a full night in his own bed once or twice a week..we would be in business!!!

The Date With Death

So finally..after like 2 months...Watson and I had a date night. Back in March I got us this trip to go on a moonlight paddle...so basically kayaking during the sunset. Romantic right? And outdoorsy..great for J. Anyways we have pushed it back and cancelled it like 12 times (ok just 2) and this weekend was FINALLY the weekend we were going to paddle to the beat of our hearts and kiss under the stars. (bahaha) All I have to say is...I am glad we lived through date night. Our harrowing tale is below.



Saturday, Bowen and I were in need of a nap since we began our morning with soccer. (once again, it is bullshit that Bowen and I have to wake up early on our days off) (oh yea..and he didn't play..again) I go lay down with my sweet angel and am out like a light. At about 4:15 I hear banging around like someone is literally THROWING the dishes into the cupboards. I growl in irritation and snuggle closer to Bowen. By 4:30 the noise is out of control and I begin to wonder if an intruder has come in and is beating my boyfriend up. I get out of bed and trudge to the kitchen where Jason is and tell him he is being entirely too loud. He then apologizes for cleaning. (how was I supposed to know?! And can't you QUIETLY clean? just saying) I decide I needed to get ready for our date night anyways so it was a good thing I was awake...but I am slow and cranky when I wake up. This is necessary to know...



We spend the next hour trying to decide what we need for the trip. This includes an extra outfit, towels, a blanket, snacks, drinks, a flashlight, and camera. We have a sitter getting ready to be at the house so basically it was a lot of talking and not so much doing or maybe there was a lot of miscommunication. I dunno..but the point is...we didn't pack a lot of stuff. Ok so at 5:30 Jason and I are ready to go (or so we think) we have given our babysitter instructions and Bowen was just waking up (slowly and with a lot of crankiness) so we bolted. We get in the car and I ask Jason if he knows how to get there and he makes me go get the instructions. I sneak in, luckily Bowen is still in our room, and run out with out directions for freedom.



We get in the car and are headed to the highway and Jason asks me to help him type an email. I was annoyed. Jason has this obsession (that may soon call for an intervention) with his iPod, phone, Twitter...well anything that would have the latest update from CNN, ESPN, and his email. I ask if we HAVE to do this right now and he gets annoyed so I type this email about how the Rangers are better than the Yankees. Seriously. Anyways, we get like 5 miles from the house and I tell him to turn around. I forgot the paperwork for our kayaking trip. Jason says to call so I do and luckily they say just to come, they have our information that we need. Sweet. So far the date night is off to a ...good...start.



We get to Boulder City and Jason decides he is hungry. (I scarfed down half a turkey burger before we left. Had I known we would be eating I would have waited) We pull into a cute little drive in place and J gets a burger and fries. The burger was effing amazing. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Anyways we leave the burger joint and go to Desert Adventures where the real date should begin. Now according to the website, we were going there at 6:30 for a little spill on what will happen, some safety tips, and to hop in a van with other kayakers and head to the lake. The website lied.



We get there, sign a waiver probably telling us if we died our family could not sue them, and then everyone started walking to their cars. Jason grabbed some guy who looked like he knew something (later we found out he was one of the guides) and this dude said to follow another dude (we didn't know which dude he was talking about). So we hop in the car and are both like wtf is going on. This was not what we expected. But we start following people.



We get to the gate to where you get into the lake and you have to pay. Now we had cash, but it would have been nice to know you needed to bring it for this purpose. And to make matters worse our leader did not wait up...and there were atleast 5 cars behind us. Thankfully, we found our way. We asked a couple parked next to us what was going on and they were just as confused and unsure as we were. We spent the next hour and a half standing by kayaks in the same state of mind, watching the sun go down. Remember, this was a moonlit kayaking trip...meaning we would be in the kayak on the water watching the sun go down...not on the littered beach. Anyways we make friends with some couple while waiting to get our kayaks fitted and everything loaded. (you would think they would have had the kayaks off the trucks and the stuff laid out or something...but no dice) While waiting we realize we didn't bring any snacks, or alcohol, and we forgot the camera as well. Soooo that sucked and I blame it on my tired state and Jason's...well that is just Jason..I mean remember 4th of July?) We FINALLY get on the water around 8...while clouds and lightning are clearly visible over the mountains..oh yea and the sun was basically set.



We rowed our little boats to a small island. It was actually not too bad. Jason and I weren't arguing and we were moving, so to me this was a win! Now my arms weren't as sore as Jason's...but nobody said it was a race so I blame him for his over-exertion. We walk onto the beach and climb over this mini-mountain to a small secluded beach. THIS would be our only romantic moment. No one was at the little beach yet so we stood in the water and shared one kiss under the stars and moon. Then decided to see where the snacks were so we climbed back up the mountain and laid out our blanket. We hung out with three other couples..one couple was HILARIOUS. I think the guys name was Josh and the girls name was Tatiana. Anyways we had been given these glow stick necklaces (which I thought were funny, but by the end of the night I was thankful for them) and Josh gave us a light show...we talked about concerts...and drugs (bc you can't talk about rock concerts without them)...and we went back to little beach and swam. Then it was time to pack up. So we all get back into our kayaks and head back toward land.



It was 10ish by now and we ended up having to wait in the middle of the lake for some stragglers. All of a sudden we hear this boat hauling ass. We have little blinkie flashlights on our kayaks ass (except us, bc ours never did work) and our glow stick necklaces on so I doubt this guy could see us. Anyways this boat is hauling ass...and getting closer by the second. Jason and I are obvously getting worried! So the boat finally sees us and makes a turn about 25 yards away from us (Jason says 50 but it was closer..for sure). Seriously I saw my life flash before my eyes and was worried we were going to get killed. He was ridiculously close to hitting our little group of kayaks! By that time we were both like eff this shit lets get to land. So we paddled our now un-happy asses to shore and were glad to be on dry land.



By then we were both tired and semi-hungry, but too tired to get food and were ready to be home. It was kind of annoying that they weren't organized, but all in all they did a good job. Can't expect too much from dudes. So I was expecting this kayaking trip to be romantic and lovey dovey. It was not. I was a little disappointed, but I really did enjoy kayaking. I would totally go do it again with Jason. (which means he should take full advantage of this) Plus it was a different kind of date, not just dinner and a drink. It was pretty creative and something you can't do everywhere. Hopefully our next date night will be soon and it will not include us looking at death in the face. (I mean we gave Death the finger this time..but how many more times can that happen? Just saying..I don't wanna take my chances)

Mom Guilt Will Be The Death Of Me

Mom guilt: The enormous amount of guilt you feel every day once you have a child, this can include guilt for taking a nap, leaving the house, forgetting a dr appointment, having to go to work and anything in between. Mom guilt may or may not cause depression, anxiety, and lack of sleep. It has been reported that no man will ever understand the effects of mom guilt, which has been known to cause issues in relationships, especially with the father or stepfather of the child causing the mom guilt.

Jason and I have had this conversation a few times over the past few weeks. (May or may not exact verbage...but you get the idea)

Jason: We both need a break.

Sarah: No shit

Jason: I think we need to each have a night out. You have softball Mondays and I will go out some time during the week. Oh yea..and I am going camping next month...and out of the country for a golfing trip in November. ((Insert huge smile here))

((I refuse to fill in ALL of what was said bc I am sure it would have too many cuss words and might make me look bad...))

Sarah: Well I want a weekend girls trip!!! I want a break too!!! (not as whiney as this makes me sound..ok maybe a little)

Jason: Let me know when and I will make it happen!

Sarah: (crying) Well I can't. I can't just be away from my kid. I am already away from him all the time during the week and then on the weekends I am running errands and doing stuff around the house. It isn't fair to him! He didn't ask to be born!!!

Ahh...this (well most of it) just happened last week. The one part that has happened alot lately is the talk of some alone time. Jason and I disagree on this subject and I am sure many other couples do too. I do agree that we need a day to get away for a couple of hours. Since we moved out here we have had a lack of help and support system which means we have had almost zero time as a couple. So we have lately been discussing making that time for ourselves and how it may help us get rid of some stress, thus improving our relationship.

Here is the problem....I feel bad leaving Bowen. I used to be able to leave Bowen overnight with my mom. Well now that is not an option. I have only left Bowen overnight with two people: my mom and Jason's mom. It brings me serious anxiety even talking about leaving him with someone else. Even when my mom DID watch Bowen overnight, I was always up before 7, ready to go get him. Plus..like I mentioned...I am away from him ALL day. Its not like I am a stay at home mom who only has to put him in daycare a couple of days a week...he is gone from me from 8 in the morning until 6 at night. So basically I get to see my kid for 2.5 to 3 hours total a day Monday through Friday. It sucks and is really hard for me to do.

The thing is...I know I need a break. And I think I deserve one too. But when I go to take that break, all I can think about is how I wish I was with Bowen and Jason. For example, last Monday our softball games were at 8:30 and 9:30, so one of the moms I work with decided we should go have drinks before. I said wonderful! But then when I was driving to TGI Fridays I got that tense, anxiety-filled stomach and questioned actually following through with the drinking plans. I mean..I had atleast 2 hours I could be spending with Bowen. I stuck it out and went through with the drinking and then games. After the games I thought about staying after to hang out with everyone else..but then the guilt over took me and I left. As soon as I got home I went and snuggled my sleeping baby and gave him kisses. (Don't hate on my lovey-doveyness with my monster) Before I lived with Jason I always made myself feel a little bit better about going out. It was usually once a month, PLUS I was working two jobs and going to school and was raising the monster on my own. Now I feel like I don't have that excuse...so I shouldn't be going out.

Anyways, after we had this talk I was laying in bed thinking about some of the moms I know who have little trips. I am not asking to spend alot of money on a weekend...just maybe get a hotel and hang by the pool with a girlfriend. But even that makes me feel bad. I think of all the places that money could be spent!! In my mind, there is no winning for me and I just need to suck it up. Another problem is living here...I don't really have the girlfriends I had back home...and me going to the spa or pool all by my lonesome for a weekend is not going to happen. (which makes me feel a little high school..but suck it..thats the way it is) So the point is...I am stuck in this shitty situation and don't know what to do. The mom guilt is KILLING me. But I am going to lose my damn mind (or what is left of it) if I don't start getting a break too. I am sure there are moms out there who have gone through the same thing so your advice is welcome. (HOPEFULLY I won't regret opening up for "advice")

The Joys of Boys

When I was prego I really wanted to have a little boy first. I liked the thought of having a mama's boy AND having my boy protect his little sister. (Bc of course we are having a girl next...) And everyone always said that boys are easier. That is the stupidest thing anyone has ever told me...that boys are easier. Ok you may not have to deal with periods and clothes and boyfriends...but there are other issues. Oh yes...there are many other issues.


It all started when we were in the hospital after he was born. I wanted my little boy circumsized..lots of reasons behind this, but all you need to know is that was the decision. So instead of doing the cutting, old school procedure, they put on a thing called a circum-ring. In a few days this little ring and extra skin would fall off and baby would be circumsized. Supposedly it causes less pain and yadda yadda...sounded like a plan. So a few days later I go to change my new angel baby's diaper and there is the ring...and blood. I knew there would be like a drop..I was thinking the tiniest of spots..but this was a little more than that. So I freaked out and called the pediatrician. (which happened a lot the first year of his life...pretty sure I was the one keeping his practice running) He told me it was nothing to worry about, it was just the ring, but to watch it and if there was more blood to go to the ER. There was no more blood. And this was my first experience of weird/scary/unprepared-for moments of raising a boy.



And of course, there is the peeing thing with little boys. When Bowen was born my baby daddy was in Iraq so I was left alone to do the night time changing/feeding/try-to-hold-it-together moments. One time..at like 4 in the morning..Bowen needed a diaper change. Without contacts or glasses I am blind..but of course I didn't put them on, bc at this point I could have been asleep and changed a diaper. Well this particular day I could not figure out why the ceiling has a steady stream coming from it. I mean I moved after I started having what I thought was water drip down my face...only to realize that my son was pissing on me. Ughh... I knew I should have bought the little pee-pee teepees...

Then...When my little love muffin was probably a year old...maybe a little more...I was (once again) changing his diaper. It was first thing in the morning and I was getting ready to take him to daycare. When I opened the diaper my little INNOCENT boy was sporting some morning wood. Like really....I didn't think I would have to deal with this till he was like 12! So I just ignored it and wiped him like usual. And he started to giggle. Ughh...so awkward. But thankfully this didn't happen every single day after that and I have learned to deal. I thought I was done with the strange moments..well...it has only gotten weirder.

As you all know, up until recently I was a single mom. So Bowen was ALWAYS around me. Right before we moved out here (so he was about 2 1/2) he climbed in the shower with me one morning. Not a big deal...he did it ALL the time. But this was no normal shower. He started asking me...whats this? What's that? And pointing... Thus began the conversation of, "Mommy has a vagina and Bowen has a penis." This leads me to the next weird decision...



So my mom always called the private parts by their actual name, penis and vagina. Then my stepmom came around and called them other things. All I know is, every family has some weird name for private parts. I am pretty sure, as a child, I was not only confused, but scarred when the neighbor boy called his a 'tallywacker'. Umm a who? I just think that it is less confusing to teach your kids the actual name of their private parts. (And more importantly this is what I am comfortable with) So instead of a fanooder, hoo-ha, and tweener...we just tell Bowen it is a vagina. And instead of a peeper, peepee, and dinker...its just a penis. Jason does not agree with this at all...but I have laid down the law.



Anyways...after the deciding of private part names came time to potty train. Bowen spends a lot of time naked now that we are potty training. (mostly because I am tired of washing 75 loads of laundry a week bc the kid is still having accidents) Which means his hand is almost always down there. I mean seriously..it is like he is afraid it is going to disappear. He can have a chip in one hand and his penis in the other..and is totally content. Now if he was just holding it...it might be a little better. Unfortunately, he pokes, pulls, prods, and just basically is very rough with it. It is ridiculous! And uncomfortable for his mommy!!! So this week I put him in the tub, like I do every single night. (again with the awkward bathroom moments) And he says..completely alarmed..."OH MY GOSH MOMMY!!!!!" I was surprised and said, "Whats wrong?!" He replies, "My PEEEEEEENUSSSS has a boo boo!" Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph (this was what I was saying in my mind) why does this shit have to happen when Jason isn't home? So I get him out of the tub and look at it. Yep..it does have a boo boo....probably because he was trying to pull it off..so the skin is a little raw on one side. I said, "Bowen what did you do?" He looks at me..soooo serious..."I SQQQQUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEZZZZED it. Like dis!" And he shows me (not using his penis, thank God) how he squeezed it. It was an intense squeeze...his little body shook and eyes bugged out and everything. So wtf am I supposed to do??! I just said, "Ok Bowen, lets not squeeze our penis anymore, ok? No squeezing your penis." He said ok...thank God..and then asked for a band-aid on his peeeenusssss. Then I had to explain how band aids can't go on there. Oh my life.



I grew up with brothers so I know there will be more horrifying and awkward moments to come. Lets NOT go into details. All I know is NO ONE tells you about this stuff! No one warns you that your child may or may not some day be trying to rip his member off. No one tells you that it is very weird trying to decide what to tell you kid to call his thingy. The whole boy situation is very weird..and I am so NOT looking forward to things to come...thankfully..Jason will be here to help me out. And oh yes...he will be handling those situations. (insert evil laughter here)

The Soundtrack of Life

I am about to touch on a subject that even Jason and I have not discussed yet. I never thought about it before, but now that I am a mom I guess I need to figure out my stance on this subject. Are you prepared for what it is?? (I highly doubt it)

Ok...the subject is music. Lets face it...music today is not good ol' Johnny Cash and June Carter. (I am not hating..I LOVE me some Johnny and June...just stating a fact) Music today is not all about dogs and butteflies (Thank you Heart for throwing that one out there though...possibly your WORST song ever) or filled with achey breaky hearts. (Billy Ray, I almost lost my ears from trying to cut them off due to that song) It is now filled with female police officers really proving their..service (Oh but I do love Lil Wayne and his tribute to the female police force) and girls attracting male attention (its ok Theory of a Deadman...I'd be your bad girlfriend if you'd let me) and necks being broken (its cool Em, I understand true love). I am just saying..things have changed. This leads me to wonder what I will and will not let Bowen listen to when he gets older.

I am very torn on this subject. And no...I am not debating this with anyone else. (fiiiiine maybe Jason...maybe)

Ok so here it is. (get ready, I used to be on the debate team and I might throw out some mad LD skills) EVERY generation has had the "rebels" of the music industry. The Doors were rebels..back in the day it was a HUGE ordeal that he mentioned getting higher in 'Light My Fire'. And then there was KISS with 'Lick It Up'...pretty sure oral stimulation was not something talked about. Actually...lots of KISS' songs were looked down upon. And then there was Eminem talking about killing bitches...and the list goes on and on and on and on. And it will never end. (I skipped a lot of artists in there...but it was for the sake of reading an 18 page thing, not my lack of musical knowledge)

So when I was like 13 my little brother had a Limp Bizkit album called Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. (seriously..I like this album and still bump it in my car..so suck it) One of the songs talks about there being 46 f-bombs in it...well my stepmom walked in on that part of the song...and flipped the F out. I am pretty sure the cd got broken in half (yep..this was before iPods) and Chance was in deep shit for it. The thing was we already knew all the words in it. We weren't off saying, "F this and F that" just because we listened to the cd. So I think it was stupid. BUT...I see why she flipped out like she did. It is a mom's job to make sure her children are not ruined by the cruelty and hate of the world. (or some shit like that) I disagree with it, but I see why she did it...now...if it was Bowen who was like 11 (thats how old Chance was) I don't think I would have an issue with it. He DOES have me for a mom, so by the ripe age of 11 I am sure he will be fully aware of all the different cuss words out there. I, OF COURSE, will teach him he can't repeat these in my home. If he does...I will beat him within an inch of his life. (obviously exaggerating...don't call CPS)

Ok..so I am sure you are already saying, "OMG What a bad MOMMY!" Yea yea..suck it...the next topic is the violence in music today. However, violence in music has been around for a LONG time. Johnny Cash's famous 'Folsom Prison Blues' talks about him killing a man just to watch him die. Pretty hard core shit right there. But people LOVED him. And still do. (me included) Violence is a fact of life. We are in a war for crying out loud! It is legal to kill babies in many different countries! (including ours...lets not get into the abortion debate, but obv I am pro-life) The world is not a pretty place. It is up to the parents to decide what we teach our kids. You can't hide them from everything. Eminem (I have his new album so he is stuck in my head) got a lot of press for his violent music. He has songs talking about killing his ex wife and raping his mother. I get it, its bad. In his song 'Who Knew' he says, "But don't blame me when little Eric jumps off of the terrace. You shoulda been watching him, apparently you ain't parents". Gotta agree with him. Guns don't shoot themselves and music doesn't suddenly turn people into psychos. There was something there to help it along...

And then there is the sexuality in music. Before Juvenile was talking about backing asses up (and he didn't mean to move it outta the way) and before Lil Wayne was using handcuffs for different kinds of restraint there was a guy named Prince...and Prince had a song called Darling Nikki. Darling Nikki is a pretty dirty song...lets just say Nikki was promiscuous. And, like I mentioned before, KISS was talking about licking things..and they weren't talking about lollipops!! Once again I don't want my toddler listening to this stuff...but obviously at 13 he will know he is a boy and what boys can do with their...stuff. As parents Jason and I have to teach him how to respect women and to practice safe sex. (dear God I hope I don't have to worry about that when he is 13)

So here it is folks...I know the music isn't suddenly going to be a soundtrack to Mary Poppins. I know he will like whatever rapper or rocker is cool at the time. So when he is 12, 13, 14 years old...I am probably (I said probably) not going to worry too much about the cussing and sexuality or the violence. At that age he will know right from wrong and if he doesn't, Jason and I will have FAR more serious things to worry about. I think people (some...I know not everyone is like this) need to stop blaming the music, tv, and video games for bad kids. MAYBE it is the lack of parenting going on! I think it is up to the parents to teach their kids right from wrong and just because someone pops a cap in someone else in a song, does not make it right. (Duh) In the mean time...until my baby is not such a baby and is closer to a man...we will be travelling in silence..or with a lot of Justin Bieber on.

The Honeymoon Never Even Started

I hate (HAAAATE) when people act like they have the perfect life. Especially people who are married or are in relationships. Lets be honest, no one....NO ONE...has the perfect, happy all of the time, never have an issue or disagreement, worry free life. No one. And if you think you do...you are lying. Yep...I said it. So let me be honest. Jason and I have had our fair share (probably more than our fair share) of disagreements/fights/issues. In fact, the past six months have been like a road filled with speed bumps and potholes. We certainly have not been coasting down a freshly paved highway. To put it bluntly, the honey moon is over. (As if we ever had one)

Last weekend was a rough one. We spent the entire weekend arguing/yelling and being unhappy. It sucked. But by the end of it, we had gotten a lot (and a lot may be an understatement) of shit off of our chests and had agreed we both have things to work on. So I can't say it was all bad or not needed. Plus, its not like we have the normal just-moved-in-together kind of life.

First of all..I have some baggage. (as Jason likes to put it) I am divorced, that marriage was an abusive one so I am still recovering and dealing with that, I have a baby, a medical issue, and lots of bills. Jason inherited a bunch of stuff when he scored me and it wasn't just my good looks and phenomenal personality. And poor Jason has never lived with a girlfriend, let alone a girlfriend and her mama's boy of a child...so I KNOW it isn't all fun for him. (Ya'll thought I was kidding when I said he thought a day without flying Thomas' was a good one)

Secondly, when it rains it effing pours. And in this desert it has been pouring at the Holmes & Watson household. First we move in together, then I get severely depressed (due to my awful birth control), then I have to get a lawyer and start a battle with the ex (which STILL continues), then I am dealing with my cervical cancer issues (Jason was a trooper and even held my hand through a biopsy...it was the nicest thing ever), then we got a flood of medical bills (courtesty of me..oops), and we are dealing with my extreme dislike of where we live. And thats just the big stuff...not talking about the little issues, like Bowen having to get used to Jason and all of the drama that comes with it. Basically, it has been a shit storm and we need a freaking break from the bullshit.

I am not one to act like I know all of the answers to relationships. My parents are divorced, so I can't say that I had the model relationships to look at growing up. My first marriage was a failure. (ok not completely, I got a gorgeous angel of a boy from it AND I believe everything happens for a reason) And I am very guarded, which comes off as defensive and negative, in my relationships. But what I DO know is that every couple goes through this...that they all have problems at some point and go through rough patches. Jason and I communicate veeeerrrryy...very, very, very...differently. THIS is an issue of ours. Atleast we both admit it. After last weekend we are both working on it. Which is good, because you know comminucation is everything in a relationship. And I think it is SUPER important that couples (especially couples with little heathens...I mean kids) get a break. Jason and I have gotten stuck in this rut, and its work, home, kid every single day. It is hard because we don't have much extra money, we don't have help out here in this shit hole, and I feel guilty being away from Bowen for too long. (among other things) But what we haven't been doing, is taking care of US. And that is necessary...and better for Bowen.

It is SO easy to get stuck in these situations. I mean, I didn't think that we would have all this crap going on already. (should have known though, just my luck) What we have had to do is fight it out and figure it out. It sure hasn't been easy for us and I know that there are more arguments to come. All I can say is, I am lucky to have a man who is willing to fight it out with me and not give up. I am 100% sure he can find someone with less baggage and issues. Thankfully, he isn't to that point yet. (and he has to admit Bowen and I are entertaining...even if its waaay past Bowen's bed time and he is on OUR bed telling Jason, "Shhh I TWYING to SWEEEEP!" while he is 1 inch from his face...probably drooling on him...and I am cracking up and Jason has to be up at the ass crack of dawn for work)

So for all of those couples going through hard times and thinking "When will the shit end?!?!"..hang in there. Work on the communication. Take a break..even if you guys just go out for one drink or shopping for groceries together. I know it is really easy to say, "Eff it, I am done" (those words have come out of my mouth once or twice or ten times over the past few months) without really giving it a try and looking at why things are sucking ass at the moment.

Anyways..I am off my soap box. The point is relationships are hard work...and they can suck ass sometimes...but there are the days when it all seems so right and perfect. And that is what counts. Those moments.

Winning Isn't Everything...Or Some Shit

Well, 2 of the 3 people in our home are currently MVP's on their selected sports teams. (Maybe only MVP's in their minds, but that is neither here nor there) Bowen is currently kicking ass on his soccer team. And I am showing them how we do it on my softball team. (Ok..well...that may be debatable, but this is my blog so suck it) Below our are stories of success. (sorta)

BOWEN "The Slayer" HOLMES

So I decided Bowen needed to start sports, he is the ripe old age of 3 now. I signed him up for soccer (actually thought it was FALL soccer, but here we are soccer-ing it up in the heat of July) and it has been a roller coaster..as is everything with this child. Our first practice went...well? Bowen did not like being told what to do or how to do it or when to do it. (dunno who he gets that shit from) He also did not like Jason paying attention to other kids. And Jason is the coach...so obviously that is a problem. Basically he cried and threw a zillion fits on his first..and second practice. But last Friday he had a change of..heart, attitude...something. He did badass! He was kicking and dribbling (they do dribble in soccer, right?) and making goals!! I was one PROUD mama!! And our first game was Saturday so I had high hopes. I should have known better.

Game day arrived. Mommy overslept. It was Saturday for God's sakes and our game was at 8!! Who the eff decided that was ok? SOME people have kids who LIKE to sleep past 8 and their non-stay at home mommy's appreciate this, especially after working 40 hours. Anyways, the morning was a clusterf**k and chaotic effing mess. Me and Jason got annoyed with eachother (even his attitude was weird..not his usual chipper, annoying self) And Bowen did NOT want to leave so soon. He still wanted his 30 minutes of lounging on the couch and watching cartoons. We got out of the house with tears. Shoulda known it was NOT going to go well. Anyways, we make it to the field and he is stoked. He goes out and starts kicking the ball and I think ok ok this will be ok. Until they take his ball away and try to tell him we had to SHARE a ball. (share is not part of this kid's vocab) The rest of the game was spent with him in tears and howling like a wounded animal. By half time he had his shoes and socks off and was content sitting at my feet listening to me tell him to shut it, in numerous different ways. (seriously I can only listen to his crying and whining for so long) ((AND it was a rough morning)) (((AND I didn't bring my diet pepsi, so there was ZERO caffeine running through my veins))) Anyways, he decides he wants to play so I quickly get his shoes on him and push his little ass onto the field. And he starts crying. Ughh. I yell at Jason who grabs his kid and carries his heavy ass around the field for 10 minutes. And it was ATLEAST 93 degrees outside. SO...Bowen was NOT the mvp that day. He definitely was NOT getting a game ball that day. (does that only happen in football?) And once again...I feel like I wasted 120 bucks. Nice.

SARAH "Bruiser" HOLMES

So once upon a time I was a softball playing bad ass. I always played short stop or second. And was pretty damn good. Anyways, recently I asked one question about our office softball team and was told I was on the team so I was like eff it whatever. Jason bought me a CUTE pink glove and was really supportive. So our first game he was out of town and I could only make it to the second one. (Oh yea..we have double headers every Monday) I actually made it for the last few innings of the first game and somehow caught a ball and got an out. Everyone was surprised and shocked. Including me. I kinda should have caught the ball and immediately thrown it so we could get another out. Instead I acted like a tool and stared at the ball in my glove and did a happy dance. So embarrassed right now. Anyways, I didn't have cleets yet and my super cute New Balance's were not holding up. I went for a ball and slid and scraped up my knee and shoulder and hip. Then I went for another one and slid and scraped the other leg. Thankfully no one noticed my sloppy playing due to afformentioned out. I was pretty proud of myself. (and then the next morning I felt like I had been seriously beaten)

Tonight was our second games. I got to make it to both. (It was like 104 degrees out for the first one...did I mention I don't do well in the heat?) I played like shiiiiiiiiit. I am very pissed at myself. First game I take a ball to the knee, which pops up and it hits me in my (HUGE haha) boob. And I didn't even get the guy out. I was embarrassed, but the stitches from the ball were visible in my immediately bruised knee...which was kinda impressive. THEN I take a ball to the ankle. WTF Sarah!! Ughh...now I am extremely pissed at myself. And it hurt like a bitch. AND I was immediately bruised again. Anyways, I did ok batting. And luckily nothing really came my way again.

Needless to say I wasn't getting any MVP awards tonight either. It just pisses me off when I KNOW I can do better and then I suck it up. I mean really...I am better than that. All I can say is..atleast I kept playing. That HAS to count for something, right? I guess we will see next Monday if the team thinks that way...I will either have my normal 2nd base position or will be in the outfield picking flowers. ((PLEASE don't stick me in the outfield...I just need ONE more chance!!!))

At the end of the day I can't be mad at Bowen. He didn't ask to play soccer. I am 100% sure the kid would be FINE if we never took him to another practice or game. So that is my fault. (add to the mom guilt list) And, as for me, I have been told that everyone has an off game. (I don't handle excuses from anyone very well) Whatevs...THIS is where I will begin teaching (from showing) my wonderful boo-boo Bowen that as long as you go out there and TRY, then that is all that matters. It isn't who wins or loses (unless you have money on the game) it is how you play it. (Or maybe how many balls hit your body parts...in a totally non-sexual way)

Teaching your kid by showing sucks ass. Here (lifts water bottle) is to 15 years of this. (shit)

Let Them Eat Cake

Growing up my parents had a rule that we ate what was made for us or we would go hungry. Until I was like 13, this was the way it was. THEN they decided that they had 4 kids and if I didn't want to eat what the cooked I could fix a PB and J and call it a night. There was no sense in fighting the small things. Most of the time they fixed kid friendly stuff...mac and cheese, meatloaf, sloppy joes (or sloppy joseph's if you live in my house). But of course there was the one meal that I despised. It was dubbed GARBAGE. My dad created this...thing. It was rice, frozen veggies, and cut up polish sausage, doused with cajun seasoning and probably worcestire (sp?). So it wasn't horrible..I just didn't like it. I am sure every family has something like this. Anyways...the point is...I grew up telling myself that my kids WILL eat what I fix, that I am NOT a short order cook, and that is THAT. Umm..well...now that I have a child...let me just say...that is not that.

Bowen has always been a picky eater. When he first started eating people food it was only mashed potatoes, rice, and grean beens. I should have NEVER complained about this! Atleast then he was eating something semi-healthy! Then he got off that kick, but would eat scrambled eggs, toast, pancakes, waffles...THEN he went through this cheese enchilada, rice, chips and queso stage. That is like the only REAL food he would eat. Don't get me wrong, he would eat a cupcake, cookie, chips or crackers in a heart beat. But I am focusing on non-snack food. Nowadays it is even harder to get him to eat something. Right now it is basically snacks. And chips and queso, mexican rice, chicken nuggets, and french fries. His eating habits may be the death of me.

When Jason and I moved in together (six short months ago) I would cook for us AND make Bowen something, like fish sticks and fries...or potatoes and green beans. The kid NEVER ate it. He would go right to the pantry for cereal or crackers or chips. (and I am NOT a bad cook) We would say no, no, no, and try to get him to eat, but it wasn't working. Then he would wake up in the middle of the night and bring me a box of graham crackers and eat them in my bed while I am trying to sleep. This caused quite an issue. (it is NOT ok to wake up with half a mushy gaham cracker stuck on your cheek)

So lately (ok for 5 months now) we just let Bowen eat whatever. I fix dinner for me and Jas and then he eats crackers or whatever he digs out that day. (shut up...I obviously have mommy guilt over this) It drives me nuts! He hardly ever eats breakfast, MAYBE a nutrigrain bar if I am lucky. And I have to pack his lunch for school, so what I pack depends on if he eats lunch. I have looked at every website imaginable for ideas on how to get past this. Here were what they said:

Let your child help you prepare their food

Cut sandwiches into fun shapes with cookie cutters

Make food bite size (like pinwheel type things, or cheese blocks)

Give kids sauces to dip stuff in

Add chopped veggies/fruit into stuff like spaghetti sauce or casseroles

DON'T be a short order cook

Let me break this down for ya'll....

1. The only food Bowen will help me prepare is cookies or cupcakes...I have tried every other food imaginable

2. He never touches the sandwiches cut into trains or stars etc

3. He won't eat cheese cubes, ham and cheese roll ups, pb and j pinwheels...won't touch them

4. The only thing he will use a sauce for is chips or fries...umm..the point is to be healthier

5. If he ate spaghetti or a casserole I might be able to slip some veggies in there...but obviously this is the problem (thanks for nothing jackass)

6. And if I tell the kid NO to his snacks he will literally NOT EAT. He went on TWO days without eating. I can be mean...but I cannot be abusive. Cheese and rice folks.

So now the situation is..Jason and I are trying to eat healthier. I found this really cool website called weelicious.com and there are healthy, kid friendly recipes. Jason and I have tried quite a few and they are super yummy. But Bowen refuses to try them. The kid won't even eat mac and cheese. What kid doesn't eat mac and cheese?!?! He won't eat a hot dog! Seriously..even I LOVE hot dogs! The situation is outta control and I am losing the war to a 3 year old. And I don't like losing!

I HAVE made a few improvements. Instead of giving him fruit punch (I was doing the 100% juice, Juicy Juice kind) I give him V8 Splash. (hey there are servings of fruit and veggies in those) He suddenly likes those go-gurt things, so there is some yogurt. And he HAS to have apple sauce in his lunch box. He even calls nutrigrain bars cookies, so maybe that is a step in the right direction. So those are all good things.

Maybe I need to stop focusing on the fact that the kid is the pickiest eater of ALL time. MAYBE I need to focus on the fact that he is healthy. He is in the 100% percentile for kids his age and (now that we have his allergies under control) rarely gets sick. I just see all these kid who eat carrots, raisins, and NORMAL food and I get it stuck in my head that my baby should be doing that. But now that I am thinking about it, when have we ever done things the way everyone else has? Umm never!! Do I want to be like everyone else? Absolutely not. We are not the Cleaver family for God's sake. All I really worry about is Bowen's health. And obviously that is fine. I am SURE this is just another stage. (like the playing with his penis stage or the picking his nose stage) All I really know...is that this kid knows just how to push my buttons and make me crazy. Maybe this eating thing is just a small piece of his grand scheme to send me to the loony bin.

The Mom Bod

There are lots of things kids ruin. Vacations, a full night's sleep, freedom, your bountiful bank account...and for the mommy, her body. Now there is a rare breed who bounce right back after birthing their baby and you could never tell she popped a kid out. I hate that breed. I am obviously not part of that group. I am part of the wide-hipped-stretch-mark-covered-never-going-back-to-my-pre-baby-jeans group. I am probably the leader of this group. And I am also a young mom. This causes many issues in my life.

Before Bowen I was super cute. I was a size 3, had a cute JLo booty (well thats what it was called), and stretch marks were a mystery to me. Now...the kid has wrecked my body. I have stretch marks on my A cups. (Granted they were like D cups when my un-used milk came in) I have stretch marks and gross skin on my tummy. I have HUGE hips. Even my Mimi (God rest her soul) told me (on her death bed...no shit) that she knew I would be a good mommy because I have breeding hips. (Ok so they weren't ever tiny hips, but now they could carry a set of triplets on each one) Anyways...I am a prisoner in this body of mine..and right now..it is depressing the EFF out of me.

Immediately after Bowen I felt like a huge fat whale. And I kind of was one. My mom told me to get some spanx and it would help suck my belly in. It didn't work. I wasn't too serious about the dieting bc I was exhausted. (welcome to being a single mom, Sarah) I had lost some weight, like 20 pounds, pretty quickly and was feeling a lot better about myself by the time my now ex husband came home from Iraq. However, he was grossed out by the new bod (ughhh lets not even get into it) which, once again, made me grossed out by it. So I spent the next 9 months wearing jeans and big t-shirts or sweat suits. (SEXY) When I left him I decided it was time to get back to the old Sarah, who oozed confidence and a don't give a F**k attitude, back. I dieted (special K diet works) and lost more weight, got a cute haircut, and was rocking it, stretch marks and all. But this brought about another dilemma.

The clothes situation. It didn't really start until I put Bowen in swimming lessons. I have a super cute grey bikini with skulls and crossbones on it. I love it. I signed Bowen and I up for mommy and me swim lessons and our first class was like junior high all over again. I was the only mommy in a bikini. All the other moms had on one pieces or those tankini thingies and cover ups and were looking very...mommyish. I had short hair with purple in it and a huge tattoo on my back and was walking around in a bikini in front of all the dads. Let me tell you, while waiting for our class to start there were lots of shitty looks and LOUD whispers headed my direction. Believe it or not, I have feelings too, and this wounded them. And I was really hoping swim lessons would be a way for me to meet some cool moms and make some friends who understood my situation. I was really, really wrong. The next couple weeks I tried to keep the confidence and wear the bikini, but none of the moms would talk to me, so I wore a tankini. LAAAAME. Anyways, the point is, I was suddenly unsure of the way I was dressing. Should I cover up more? Should I wear cardigans and mom jeans? OR do I stay true to me and wear skulls and cross bones and tight, hip hugging jeans? Obviously...I did not give in and I am still wearing whatever I want, appropriate or not. But this still doesn't help the shopping situation. Which leads me to my next situation....

Once you have a kid can you still shop in juniors or do you have to make your way to the ladies section?? I am short, which really answers this question for me...juniors it is. But some of the shit that is in the juniors section nowadays is even too much for me. Last night I went to target and was looking at dresses (I have gained a few pounds and am determined to lose it, but in the mean time, I can't be walking around nekkid). I picked out a black sundress, a green sundress, and a blue jumper. (Who the eff decided to bring those things back??) So, kinda off the subject, I don't know what evil human being decided to design the dressing rooms this way, but there are mirrors all around so you can see your body from the front and back. It was horrible. I was mortified at myself...which only makes me want to diet and go to body pump class more. BACK to the story. So the jumper made me look like a fat 1st grader. Not ok. The green dress was ok...very casual, and had no shape. And the black dress made me look like a kid headed to a tea party. Why can't there be cute, young dresses that make you look semi-adultish?? I mean seriously! I then went to the ladies section and the dresses there all looked like we should be going to a business brunch while wearing pearls. Let me just say...it is tough being a young mommy, who wants to look cute, but not like she is trying too hard. I mean, I don't want the daycare ladies thinking I am skanky or something.

Anyways, this week my confidence is kind of at an all time low. I would rather be 9 months pregnant in the Las Vegas heat, then look the way I do right now. I am sure every woman, mommy or not, has been here one time or another. (The pounds sure come on a lot easier then they come off) And it certainly doesn't help that the mom-friend making has been at an all time low since I moved to this hell hole. (Which makes me loathe this place more.) The fact of the matter is, being a mom is hard. You are constantly learning everything the hard way, something always needs to be done or fixed, you have a HUGE amount of stress on your shoulders because you never want anything even potentially harmful to come near your child, the list goes on and on..and on top of it all, you have to deal with yourself and your insecurites. And today...I am (bitching) venting about it. Sometimes you just need a pair of jeans too look great (or fit). Sometimes you need to feel sexy. Sometimes you need to eat an Oreo McFlurry and not pay for it..and I don't mean monetarily. And sometimes you just need to fit in. So for all the mommys out there who have ever had this moment...I feel for you. And you know what, the most beautiful thing in the world is being a good mommy...even if you have a stretch mark or twelve.

I Need (another) Vacation!!!

This fourth of July weekend was supposed to be our little family's mini-vacation. Our mini vacation turned into a massive weekend of torture. MASSIVE. I am just going to say...and maybe repeat....vacationing with kids is NOT a vacation. (Atleast, maybe, until they are old enough to be left alone for a while) The following is the story of our fourth of July weekend aka Hell Weekend.

SO...I was SUPER stoked about this little trip. As most of you know, I hate it here in Vegas. (hate, loathe, despise, abominate Vegas) This little trip was supposed to be a quick getaway to get us all back to our lovey dovey days and bring us closer as a family. The only thing it brought us closer to was death in one way or another. There was no lovey-dovey-ness and the only time it brought us closer was when someone (me or Bowen) was crying. ((Don't worry..we are ALL alive))

Friday night we had soccer practice. I should have seen that practice as an omen of what was to come. Bowen is the cryer on the team. He throws fits and cries and lays in the middle of the field when something doesn't go his way. After him sitting with me for like 15 minutes I said to another mom, "Wellllll I wasted $120". Which was maybe probably how much the zoo was. (more on that later) After practice we went home and I told Jason to hold down the fort while I grabbed supplies for the trip ahead. (Mostly lots of drinks and fattening snacks) I ran like a chicken with my head cut off around wally world and headed home where I started or switched some laundry over and baked some cookies for the trip AND got Bowen to bed. At 9:15 Jason headed to bed. I tried laying with him for like 5 minutes, but there was SO much to do and it sure as hell wasn't getting done in my bed. So I shut the door on Jason and packed toys, Bowen's stuff, my stuff, laid it all out by the door...and then at 10:30 decided I had to go to bed.

Saturday morning I was up and at 'em at the crack of dawn. I got ready, ran to get gas, breakfast and ice. Then had Jason load the car. We were on the road at 9:22. (not bad for us) The rest of the trip was a daze of stops and toys being passed around and then we FINALLY got to (not so sunny) San Diego. We checked into our (pretty damn nice) hotel and decided to hit the beach. Jason headed us towards Mission Beach. Umm..we didn't get very far. It was an effing mess. LINES to get to the beach, packed parking lots...it wasn't looking too good. So we opted for Old Town and some yummy mexican food because I was starving. And here, my friends, is where it all starts to go downhill. I am already crabby because we have been in a car forever, Bowen doesn't want to be in the car. So we park and go to get the stroller and someone (JASON WATSON) forgot the stroller. (For the record, I had it out next to everything else that needed to be loaded. Jason does admit that this was a rookie mistake.) So we walk to Old Town. Bowen has this new thing about running into the street. This "new thing" makes me want to rip my hair..and his...out. We make it to a restaurant for dinner. We order queso, Bowen's fav, and it was kinda weird so he refused to eat. Anyways the WHOLE dinner was spent fighting with Bowen over this package of fireworks worms, ya know, the ones you light up on the ground and they just burn and glow. NOT cool...for anyone but a 3 year old. Anyways the kid REFUSED to let them go, or sit them down. It was a battle. We barely make it through dinner and decide to walk through Old Town. MISTAKE. Bowen wanted to run and walk and be free. I can't blame him. BUT this made his mommy a nervous wreck. Adults weren't paying any attention (Which made me want to knock the shit out of them!) and he wasn't either so he was always about to get knocked over and hello, we are both short, so easily he can be lost in a crowd. I needed a xanex, or seven, after that trip. Anyways...we called it a night and went to Target for a much needed stroller..and then to the hotel for a break.

SUNDAY!!!! I woke up in a pretty good mood...until I went to put on my make up. So I know this is stupid to most people, but I forgot my base. I love my make up. I need it. I am VERY insecure without it. So I immediately get upset about this. Jason says we will go to CVS and get some, not a big deal. Ok fine. ((still started the day off wrong..stupid, I know, but whatever, suck it)) So we go to CVS where I get make up. Thank God! Then search for a cafe where Jason swears the food is phenomenal. After many texts and googling we find the damn place. And get to wait for 30 minutes in the cold. Yea..cold. It was a cloudy, 60 that morning. (WTF San Diego?) Bowen, of course, is not cooperative during breakfast. He wants to sit on my lap as soon as I get my food. And then kicks me in the legs. (I have some serious boo-boo's from a softball game on my legs, so every time he kicked me in the knee or shin I wanted to stab him with my fork) We make it through breakfast and decide to head for the zoo. I was testy. I will admit it. So far it seemed like everything had been a shitload of work for bad results.

I think the zoo needs its own paragraph. The zoo...was intense. So we get there and find a spot. And then start to get the 392483948 things we need to walk around this place. Now...this may be cRaZy news, but I am not really into zoos. Obviously I have a kid so I will go to them, but really, I could go the rest of my life without stepping into one. We go to get our new stroller out and you need to put it together. Pain in my ass. Thankfully for the emergency kit my Mom made me, I had some fingernail clippers and I used my MacGuyver like skills to use them to cut off the 49 zip ties on the damn stroller. While getting this shit done, Bowen is walking out in the street. I remind him a jillion times that there are CARS there and he will get smushed like a little bug. We get the stroller done, pack his diaper bag full of shit we may need...and Bowen walks into the middle of the road...while a car is backing up. I haul him back by the hood of his jacket and yell (EFF off..I was panicked..my BABY could have been killed) that you do NOT walk into the street. He cries...mommy is almost crying...leading him to begin his first of many fits regarding the stroller. Anyways..this causes Jason to tell me not to yell at Bowen (or something like that) and I may or may not have replied that this whole trip was a waste of effing money and pointless. (umm...yea) So we make it into the zoo. Somehow. I cheer up...Jason lets it go..and Bowen is excited. (Thank GOD) So it was going pretty good. Bowen refuses to ride in the stroller, but he is kind of on a closed course, so I wasn't too worried. We make it to the Polar Bears, which is effing cool. They have this big igloo thingy that when you go inside a polar bear growls at you. SO cute watching Bowen scream and run for his life out of it. And then you could stand next to a seal and poke your head through some ice sculpture like thing. Cool. The polar bear even starts playing with a ball right up on the glass so Jason and Bowen have front row views to this. Then Bowen decides he is bored and goes back into the igloo. And you can crawl through it to the other side. I think we spent 10 minutes trying to get him out of it. I eventually picked him up and carried him away...while he kicked and yelled and screamed. (And we had PLENTY of onlookers) Really that is what the entire zoo trip was like. He yells and screams, we threaten to leave, he cooperates for five minutes, then yells and screams...it was like that the entire 2 hours. We finally leave...and then decide to go to Fuddrucker's for lunch. I look them up on the gps thingy and the first one I see is in Chula Vista. I am thinking thats out of the way so do the one 12.5 miles away in San Diego. My thinking was that it would be closer to the hotel. We literally drove 45 minutes. Oooops...my bad. But Bowen got a nap.

After lunch (which was really yummy btw, so not a total loss) we tried to get Bo to take a nap, but he was recharged. That only left time for the beach. We decided to drive up to San Clemente (where I once lived) and do the beach thing there. Umm..it was still cold...probably like 65..and overcast. We finally make it there (another 45 min drive) and the beach is PACKED. Luckily, we just brought a couple bags of towels and shit and a stroller, so we found a spot. Bowen was not having any of the waves or water. He did enjoy building a sand castle though. Jason decided he HAD to go boogey boarding. (I think that is what it is called) As soon as he heads to go get one the tide comes ridiculously high and I am grabbing all of our bags and Bowen and heading up the beach. Which was a pain in the ass. And irritating. Especially when your son refuses to walk and is screeching like he is a wounded animal. I was a little annoyed when Jason got back. I realize he didn't KNOW that was going to happen, but it was super shitty timing for him to leave. I know it is not his fault. JUST saying...it sucked for me. Anyways he goes out there and does his thing and Bowen stands on the beach yelling, "DAYSIIIIIIN COME BACK!!! DAAAAAAYSIN!!!" Which was really cute, and melted my heart. Then he got cold and came and snuggled with me. So the beach was kinda a bust too. We decided to head home and get some grub.

We left yesterday morning after heading to the pier for a few minutes. The pier was also a nightmare. Bowen wanted to climb over the rocks they have near the sidewalk to see the ocean. And NOT hold his Mommy's hand. This made me a basket case. And the kid does not have very good balance (or walking skills for that matter) so I was seriously scared for his life. When he wouldn't listen to me when I told him to stay on the sidewalk, (He looked me in the eye and crept his little toes over the sidewalk line) I got onto him. Now I don't think I yelled, I just raised my voice a few octaves, Jason says I yelled. Which caused a disagreement between us. I was over it and ready to get the eff out of there. We left..and headed home. I gave Bowen an iTouch and let him play birds and he was soooo quiet. So I napped for like 30 minutes. The rest of the trip was long. Of course there was traffic and quips about who was driving worse. It was a loooong weekend.

My moral of this story is...do NOT travel with a young child and expect it to be stress-free and wonderful. It is a pain in the effing ass. To say the least. The packing is extreme. Which means the unpacking is even more extreme. The lack of a schedule and normal sleep pattern does not help anyone. And lets face it, the shit you take your kids to (aka the zoo) is over priced. And Bowen sure as hell isn't going to remember it!! It definitely tested Jason and I. We made it through it...had a good heart to heart when we got home. I think Jason and I need a weekend (or one night) away. And when Bowen is older (maybe even a year) things will go muuuch smoother when we travel. But last weekend..was not so great or loving or wonderful. We had some good moments, but all in all, I need a day at the spa to get the tension out of my shoulders and neck..and a hair appointment, so she can hide the spots where I tore my hair out. Jason is probably re-thinking this whole built in family thing and checking on flights for Bowen and I to go back home. Anyways...I love my baby boy and I love Jason..but I think we should skip any more FAMILY vacations for a while.

Throwing Things Is Sometimes OK

My entire blog could be about the situations I get into with Bowen. It could go in depth on how I handle (or don't) all the things that come up with this kid. Bowen is the love of my life..and also my mini me. He acts JUST like me. He is dramatic (and I don't think I am dramatic at all...but it has been said that I am) and loud and yells and likes to be naked. All I really know is that the kid and I butt heads...alot. So obviously not every temper tantrum is handled perfectly. And it also means that I sometimes say or do the wrong things.

The following are just a few times that my mothering skills have been...shall we say...a little off that day.



Bowen was being incredibly horrible one night during bath time. He refused to get in the bathtub for like ten minutes. So I picked his kicking, screaming, flailing ass up and sat it in the tub, which then made him stand up and start throwing toys at me. After two verbal warnings resulting in more toys being thrown I decided a spanking was the best choice here. (believe me...I don't spank that hard, and he didn't even FLINCH when it happened..so don't go getting all crazy on me!) After I swatted his butt he looks at me SO mad his face would have melted a pic of an angel and yelled (while pointing his chubby index finger at me) "YOU NO HIT ME MOMMY!" and then threw the last two toys on the ground. At this point I was pissed and on the verge of tears..and clueless as how to handle this. And anyone with kids KNOWS that you have exactly 2.5 seconds to get your shit under control and properly handle this situation. So I picked him up, dried him off, put him in a diaper while telling him why he got a spanking and that he cannot talk to mommy like that. He wasn't crying or whimpering. Just laying there letting me talk and get him ready for bed. And then he got up and gave me a hug and said, "I WUV you mommy!" UGHH! Gets me every time. Then asked me for a cookie. ((I got him the damn cookie and read him a story and put him in bed...then ate 3 cookies myself))



Ohh...this one is even better. When Jason and I had just moved in together, Bowen had gotten some new Thomas toy made out of lego type things so you had to put it together. It was early morning on a Saturday or Sunday so we were all laying in my bed and talking and playing. And Bowen started whining about the effing Thomas. (I had not yet had my Diet Pepsi...so I blame my lack of caffeine for what happened next) Jason and I both tried to fix it the way he wanted us to and it didn't work. More whining and crying began. So after I put it together AGAIN and he started his temper tantrum I picked up the Thomas and threw it across the room where it smashed into pieces on the wall. It makes me crack up thinking about Jason and Bowen's faces at that moment. Bowen did not throw a fit and Jason said, "Well...I don't know if that was the most effective way to handle that situation." So this my friends is my example of how NOT to handle a situation. I should have just put the toy up and said no and then let him scream and cry for five minutes. That is what I SHOULD have done. BUT NO mom is perfect and we all have our moments. And that was mine. So eff off all you haters who are thinking, "Oh I would NEVER do that!" Either you haven't had a kid or you are lying to yourself.

Bowen really loves the iTouch. And sometimes I really love it too. If I need him to sit on the potty chair, I let him play it. If we are out to eat and he is restless, he plays it. If we are driving and I am having one of those, "Do NOT make me pull this car over!!" moments, he usually gets the iTouch first. So you get the point. He loves it and sometimes gets the damn thing. The other night I was cleaning the kitchen and doing chores and he asked me for a drink. I told him to hold on just a second. Then he asked again...and again I told him to hold on just a second. Probably 30 seconds passed and he said, "MOMMY You get me a drink right now or I take the iPod away!!" Pretty sure the kid had his hands on his hips too! So I was surprised..and got him the drink. I gave into the little shit!! AND let him yell at me!! AND threaten me!! But I couldn't help but laugh at him and maybe I shouldn't have let him get away with it...but how can you say no when someone is threatening to take away your iPod???


In a previous post I mentioned how much longer potty training has added to our normal getting ready schedules. Well this morning I had to be at work a few minutes early. Oh yea..and I overslept. So I quickly got ready and went to get Bowen up. Getting Bowen up is a challenge. Ever since he was a newborn he has this routine where he stretches for like 30 minutes and lays there and stretches and lays there. If your DARE wake him up you are in for WWIII in your own home. And this morning...I HAD to do it. So I went and snuggled him and played our waking up game (which usually works). This morning, he did not give a flying eff if the spider was climbing up his arm or not, he didn't want to watch Veggie Tales or Blues Clues or Thomas, he didn't want a cookie or chocolate milk, he just wanted to sleep. So..I picked him up and took him to the living room (where a show was already on). He didn't want this show so I asked him 6 times what he wanted to watch while he got ready. Anything I mentioned was cut off with a NO! After going through this 20 times (and watching the clock tick by) I had had enough. So I threw the remote down and took off his diaper. Which was NOT what he wanted. (Go figure) He grabbed his pee filled diaper and tried to put it back on and I fought back by trying to tear it away from him. While we both yelled at eachother. THEN I asked him to sit on the potty chair. He was not having it. When 5 minutes passed of me begging and pleading for him to sit down and pee I decided whatevs kid...get in the undies. But he didn't want any of the undies I showed him. After going back and forth atleast a dozen times I decided I didn't give two shits and put him in Spidermans and let him scream and kick. Got him dressed. And THEN offered a cookie, which made him VERY happy. (Thank sweet baby Jesus!) Then we got in the car and went on our merry way. Should he have gotten the cookie? Hell no. But did I need to leave? Obviously! So I gave in and didn't do what I should have. Once again...hate all you want...you either haven't had a kid so you don't know what I am talking about or you are lying to yourself.



The fact is kids don't come with a manual. And they know how to push your buttons. They know when you are stressed, upset, PMSing..and sometimes they use this to their advantage. And sometimes you are going to loose your cool for a second. And it is ok! (as long as you don't seriously hurt your kid...and remember that words cannot be taken back!) We are only humans and being a parent is a learning experience. I don't know what is going to happen in the future with Bowen or how I am going to handle every situation. I would love to think that I know what he will do and how I will handle it, but I don't..and I am sure there will be plenty of years of me throwing things at walls (they might go from Thomas' to Xbox controllers though) and there is definitely going to be more yelling. All I know for sure is that I love Bowen with all of my heart and soul and every night he tells me that he loves me..and that is what I am shooting for. (oh and for him to be a happy, law abiding, do gooder of a citizen when he is an adult)