There is a guy on facebook and twitter that posts all the random crap his dad says. In fact, its called 'The Shit My Dad Says'. Love the guy...its HILARIOUS. A lot of times... I feel like that. The stuff Bowen tells me is so weird and random sometimes that if he hadn't included a shit or damn I might think it was someone else's kid. So here are some of our random moments as of late.
Last Saturday Jason, Bowen, and I went to lunch with Jason's college roomie, Nate. I had never met Nate before so I was TRYING to make a good impression. (of course, this did not work out) So we are at the table and me and Bowen are drawing, playing trains, the usual. He stands up on the chair and lifts his shirt and says, "Mommy, I have boobs?" So maybe boobs is not the right term, but how do you explain that he has pecs or whatever? I just said yes. THEN he grabs my shirt and starts pulling it down (AND it was a v-neck..so hello...) and says, "Mommy, you have boobs?" I said yes as I was frantically trying to pull my shirt up. (Not that there is a lot to see..hello A-cup) And he GRABS a boob and says, "Right there?!" Uhh yes kid..thats a boob. Thanks for pointing it out. I was able to distract him and no more boob talk happened that night. But so much for the good first impression.
Tuesday night Bowen and I were laying in my bed reading books. So we were laying in bed reading about the monster under the bed when he stopped me and said, "Mommy..I have boogies." Alright...I got him a kleenex and tried to get him to blow his nose. I was told that you don't do it like that. THEN he stuck his little finger up his little nostril, picked a boogie, and wiped it on my arm! (all in like 1.375 seconds so I couldn't even react!) I freaked out and told him NOT to wipe his boogies on me and tried looking for the kleenex that magically disappeared all while gagging and saying gross. He thought it was HILARIOUS.
Wednesday night Bowen and I needed to go run an errand. I had my hands full of crap and he wanted me to carry him. So I said no, started walking, he got pissed and stood at the front door. I threw everything into the car and went back to get him. When I grabbed him I was telling him that when I say its time to go, he needs to come with me, blah blah blah...he looks at me..very serious, puts his hand in my face (like on of those 'talk to the hand' type of things) and says, "SILENCE!" which sounded like siwence. NORMALLY I can keep it together, but this totally caught me off guard and I started laughing.
Yesterday was Veteran's Day and our daycare was closed. (don't even get me started on this) I couldn't get a sitter and Jason was in Canada so I stayed home with the evil monster. We got up around 9 (soooo nice) and Bowen went pee and said he needed some undies. So I grabbed his Spiderman boxer-briefs. (I love little boys in boxer briefs...er...in a total non-creepy way..they just look cute! Like little men! Shit...this isn't getting any better) SO he puts them on and starts singing, "Spiderman...spiderman..." and then says, "I WUV dat song." So cute. Then he wants me to put on Thomas. So I did. Then he starts humming (kinda off..but whatever) the Thomas theme song. SO cute. And when he is done says, "Mommy...I just WUV that song." Those moments are the good ones..he isn't wiping snot on me, groping me, saying cuss words, or destroying things. I love these moments..mostly because they are out of the norm for us, so you have to cherish them.
And this morning I was getting ready...had just got out of the shower and opened the bathroom door and Bowen was standing there. I thought he was in bed so I was totally caught off guard. Scared the Bejesus out of me. I gasped and jumped and Bowen smiled up at me and said, "Don't worry Mommy, I not a monster!" and then walked over to me and patted my leg and said, "Its ok...don't be scared." Gotta love the kid.
Ok...I re-read this..this post is LAME. Aside from the boob thing it sounds like our life is semi-normal. Here I thought I was this crazy parent living with a crazy demon child....there is no way my life can be this normal!! Before you know it I will be the head of the PTA and the room mom! (bahahahaha yeaaaaa right)
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