2 Years Down...52 more to go...(Or more...maybe)

Two years ago today I flew to Vegas for my first date with Jason S. Watson. The picture above is of our evening spent drinking copious amounts of booze, listening to the infamous Steel Panther, and having enough PDA to last a life time. (So sorry to Tony and Eric who had to witness it all..but not really) So for our two year anniversary...I dedicate this blog to our relationship.

Here is our story. (as told by me..from my point of view..if you don't like it, suck it)

Jason's amazing mom, Brenda, knew from the moment she met/saw me, that I was one of a kind and would light up her son's life. (seriously true) She told him that BWI had just interviewed a cute, bubbly, little blond girl that would be perfect for him. (also true) I don't know what he said..probably nothing because he is lame..but I got my first chance to meet this son she kept telling me about, like a week later.

My first impression of Jason...he was an asshole. I had been working at BWI like a week so when he walked in I asked who he was here to see and he just walked on by me and mumbled, "Brenda". So instantly I thought he was a punk. PLUS he was wearing baby blue basketball shorts and some college fraterntiy long sleeve shirt. So really..not impressed. Anyways, a few days later (the Friday after Thanksgiving) he came back in. There was a pumpkin roll at my desk which he tried and told me was good. And that..was it.

So I dated someone else (Tattoo Bob to be exact) and was doing my own thing when Jason came back in a few days before Christmas. I don't think he really talked to me..if he did..it certainly was not memorable. And then the day after Christmas he came back in and I think we chatted a little bit...whatever. So he left and then called me and asked me to go out with him. I had to decline (because my dad was going through chemo at the time and I was going to help the fam out), but we decided to stay in touch.

And that is where it all began. We became texting machines. Then he randomly began with the roses are red violets are blue. My first poem said this, "Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm hot like wasabi and can dance better than you." So...I mean..he gets an A for the creativity..not sure he should have insulted me, ESPECIALLY since he had no idea how amazing my dancing skills were at the time, but still creative. ANYWAYS...a few weeks later and one sweet text message saying, "Is it possible to miss someone without ever hanging out with them?" from Jason and I was on my way to Vegas to finally have a first date..weekend.

After dating long distance for a year we all moved in together. I still think Jason may have been drunk when he sent me the email asking me what I thought about moving to Vegas..but here we are. The first few months together were rough. And by rough, I mean it was like hiking at Red Rock in 6 inch platform heels while carrying a 100 pound dog while it is snowing. First there was the issue with Jason's taste in furniture and plates...I felt like I was living in a house of poo. Everything the man owns is BROWN. And then there was the grocery shopping disagreements. And just being used to living with him..and for him being used to living with me and Bowen.. Then you throw in drama with my ex husband, health issues, job issues... It was not easy. And it still isn't. But this is what I know, the first year of living with someone is always the hardest. So we made it through that...things have GOT to be headed in a less bumpy direction. (right???)

Jason and I have definitely had our fair share of really, really shitty times. We have yelled at each other, gone to bed mad, given each other the silent treatment, said hurtful things, and thought it was not going to work out. But we definitely have some good things going on. Jason is an amazing dad to Bowen. He has held my hand through biopsies and talked me out of anxiety attacks. He has made me laugh, made me cry, made me mad, and made me happy. We disagree..sometimes a lot...but at the end of the day, I know Jason will be there for me. (and let me tell you, that means a lot) No one is perfect, especially not me, so I am lucky I have someone who is willing to put up with the bullshit I throw at them and not just walk away. (Not that I don't put up with some bullshit too...just saying, he does have his hands full) Jason is a genuinely good guy and has a great heart. And he must have something going for him because I have yet to beat the shit out of him!!

Anyways...here is to you and I, Jason Watson. May this next year be filled with more nights like our first one, and less like....well you know. I love you!!!

Starring: BOWEN HOLMES!!!!

I think I hit the jackpot in kids. SO I know I told you how genius Bowen is like two weeks ago and that he was definitely going to find the cure for cancer or something. So I still totally believe this. But I also think he is going to be the next "it" actor. Like a cross between Brad Pitt and Ryan Reynolds. (Because BP has done awesome intense rolls and Ryan is a cutie patootie)

So Bowen is really dramatic. (no idea who he gets that from) If he falls down, he falls, but adds a few rolls and groans, and makes a very intense landing. And he can go from crying to happy in literally 2.4 seconds. One second he is telling me he broke his foot, and then BAM!!! He is wiping the tears away and has a smile on his face. I mean..I bet it takes James Franco hours to get from one intense mood to a happy one. Bowen has that shit on lockdown!! (plus Bowen is a big Spiderman fan...I mean we all know the good guys win!) And the kid memorizes shit like none other. For example, we read the same books before bed for like 4 weeks straight. After about a week he has the whole book memorized. And can tell you all about the characters. It is very, very impressive.

What led me to this revelation is Bowen's new Spiderman game. He pretends to be different things ALL the time. I personally love when he is a dinosaur because not only is he very intimidating, he goes in for the kill too. SO anyways, he is usually an animal of some sort, but lately he has been Spiderman. Now he has come up with a new game. The "tickle spiderman" game. We will be sitting around and he will say, "Mommy! Tickle Spiderman!!" He turns around so his back is facing me and I gently tickle his back and sides. He giggles for 14 seconds and then he whips his little head to the side and looks at you with these squinted, evil eyes and growls a little, showing his unevenly spaced teeth. And then he ATTACKS!! His little fists of fury start flying at your face and body as he beats you to a pulp! ((he windmills those arms like a chick in a fight for her man)) I don't really know why Spiderman beats the shit out of you after you tickle him like he asked, but the face is priceless. Like I'm not doing it any justice by trying to explain it, because it is just that awesome.

Anyways, the point is...my little boy is not only genius, but sure to be the next BIG actor. (Imagine Vincent Chase from Entourage, but it'd be real life!!!) I know ya'll are jealous. I mean I hit the jackpot fo sho!! Anyways..I can start taking autograph requests now...just let me know where to send it! ;-)

Bowen, You Are Grounded!

I really thought for sure that Bowen was out of that terrible 2's/3's stage. ((Anyone who has/had a toddler knows that the terrible 2's does not end at 2)) I mean, how can something SO cute and sweet and lovey be so EVIL?? But this weekend reminded me that we are not quite out of the woods yet.

Saturday we decided to take Bowen to the snow. (Mt. Charleston) Last year he had a blast and really it is cheap entertainment. So we get there and he is stoked. Literally jumping up and down on ice. We finally get everyone bundled up and make the trek to the hill where the sledding was going on. Bowen was having some issues walking in the snow. And there was a LOT of whining. I think I told him 6 times if he didn't stop talking to me like that (like an a-hole) and didn't stop whining we were going home. I went sliding (not sledding..sliding) with him like 6 times and decided my ass was frozen, so it was Jason's turn. The problem is...it took Bowen like 10 minutes to walk up the smallest hill because he kept "slipping". And I mean "slipping" because he is quite the actor and was SO dramatic. I am talking, rolled on the ground telling me how icey it was and that he couldn't do it. Anyways, we saw a few kids Bowen's age going up and down this tiny hill by themselves, so we tried it. And Bowen LOVED it. He was doing it all by himself, didn't want anyone to catch him when he went down, and had a HUGE smile on the whole time. After an hour and a half (and 27 almost-time outs) at the snow we decided it was time to head home. Bowen passed out before we even made it to the highway. Thank Jebus.

Saturday night was a doozie.

Jason and I were sitting on the couch watching UFC Fight For The Troops when we heard a large crash of a toys. I mean his room was already destroyed, so what else could he have been getting into. But I just told Jason, "I don't even want to go look." And ignored it. Then I heard the toilet flush and yelled, "Did you poop? Do I need to wipe your heiney?" ((this is VERY common at my house)) And Bowen told me just peed. I assumed (incorrectly) that he went back to playing trains. About 10 minutes later he came to the living room REEKING of Vick's Vapo-Rub. And then he reached his hand out and touched me...and I realized he was covered in Vick's. He had it in his hair, ALL OVER his shirt, on his face, and all over his hands. I ushered him into the shower and asked what he was doing. "I putting on lotion, mommy." was the response I got. So I got him in the shower and went to the bedroom to see the other damage. Jason was wiping Vick's off the train table and the train tracks tub. We got that situated, started a movie for Bowen...and thought all would be well.

Then, Bowen came into the living room and was talking to me and playing with his tool set. Then went back to his room to play. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him sneak under his train table with something in his hand. I asked him what he had and that only made him sneak farther under the table...a sure sign that he had something he shouldn't have. Jason went to see what it was..and yelled at me because it was nail polish! Bowen came into the living room to show me that he was trying to paint his toenails. (Really he painted all of his toes) We told Bowen he was not allowed to do that alone, he had to wait for mommy to help him.

Not 10 minutes later that little brat was climbing from the table to the kitchen counter trying to get candy! (BOTH grandma's are in trouble for buying Pez dispensers..they are horrible)

It was like he was just walking again and couldn't stay out of trouble. I was tempted to find the baby gates and lock him somewhere!! Thankfully he isn't like this every weekend or I would most definitely lose my mind. (or start drinking heavily)

My Kid Is Better Than Yours

I know every parent thinks that their kid is the cutest and the smartest kid ever. (Until they hit that teen stage where they wear all black and don't wash their hair and they stop speaking...I never went through that stage, but I know some people who did) The difference between those parents and me is that I know its true. My kid IS the cutest and smartest.

We can debate the whole how cute Bowen is thing for days if you want to. (And trust me, you don't. Because I. Don't. Give. Up.) But seriously. I am pretty sure when Hitler decided what he wanted the master race to look like, he thought of my little boy. (I am not supporting Hitler..just explaining) Bowen has blue eyes, the bluest of blue, btw. And blond hair. He has squishy, rosie cheeks, and the cutest wittle belly. He is friggin adorable. And don't try to tell me other wise, because I will bust ya in yerr err (or ear).

And then get this..the kid is writing letters of the alphabet. His fav letter is 'F'...probably so he can spell the f-bomb sooner, but whatever. (Its not the only letter he can write, but it is ALWAYS the first letter he writes) He can put together a new puzzle that he has never done before in like 5 minutes with zero help. And I'm not talking about one of those 10 piece wood puzzles, I am talking about a real cardboard, 24 piece. That's whats up. He also can tell me random shapes, like an arc or hexagon, depending on where we are or what we are driving by. I mean what three year old says, "Hey mommy, that is a hexagon and that is an octagon." My three year old. That is who. Anyways, he is super intelligent. And I am pretty sure his love of puzzles and writing at such a young age means he is going to cure cancer or something phenomenal like that.

Anyways...really our life has been pretty boring. Just the same, jumping-off-random-pieces-of- furniture-while-body-painting-and-cutting-up-my-bed-sheets, old things. So I thought I would take the day to brag about my smart, gorgeous child. Maybe make other people's parenting seem a little inferior. (Kidding folks, kidding...kinda) Like I said, same old thing.

Here's To You 2011!!! Now Where's My Drink??

It is a new year...and as much as I would like to think (hope) that it comes with a clean slate, us realists know that is not the case. The new year transferred last year's bills with it, didn't magically make me hate certain people less, didn't mend holes in my heart, and certainly did not come with a new, FULL bank account. SO...I don't see what the big deal is about new years.

At first I was COMPLETELY against making a new years resolution..or twelve. I mean, I never keep them, I work towards them for like a week, and then I see chili cheese fries January 3rd and it all goes downhill. (duh bc I ALWAYS want to lose weight every year) So why make a list of shit to do only to feel like a failure (again) because I couldn't manage to stick with it? I mean..really..my confidence needs a BOOST, not another slap in the face. However, I can't resist. And maybe it would do some good if I made a list of goals. So that way I have a little reminder in the back of my head that even though I want to lay on the couch and watch Entourage, I should definitely get up and play some Candy Land with the kid. (And then, once he is asleep, lustingly gaze into the tv at Vince and Turtle)

So of course, my resolutions are not that cool. They are the same as many folks...like lose weight, eat healthier, exercise more, be more patient, and spend more FUN time with my baby. But of course, because it is my way, I had to add a few more off the wall resolutions. Are you prepared??

1. Get another tattoo. ((I got it all picked out..now to find the funds and person))

2. Stop caring what people think so much. (Bc people, as a whole, suck ass, and I am tired of people)

3. Get a second job go-go dancing or something fun like that. ((Which means I HAVE to hit the gym for a hot minute))

4. Plan a vacation for me and J and DON'T stress over details. (Fat chance, but whatever)

5. Stand up for me more. (I know its hard to believe, but I have been biting my tongue about a lot of things lately, and I am tired of it)

6. Get another piercing. (Because you only live once, so eff it)

I mean really the list could go on and on and on. I have a lot I want to do and you never know if you'll be here tomorrow. So while I am putting together a will, (this is like number 15 on the serious goal list) I can also do something fun later. And maybe, just maybe, this year won't be filled with as many shitty life lessons. I doubt it. Because I only learn the hard way...but I can hope. And in the mean time...anyone know where I can go (in Vegas) for my new tattoo?!? :-)

Happy effing new year!

Holiday Havoc

Christmas has come and gone..and I have been meaning to blog about the joys of the holidays...but it has taken me a long time to realize what the joys were. I KNOW the meaning of Christmas is not about the gifts and shit, but I am just talking the holidays. The part of Christmas that involves shopping in crowded stores with bitchy moms, waiting 20 minutes for a parking spot at the mall only to have some a-hole swoop in even though you have your blinker on, driving 15+ hours to see family, getting sick the day before you leave, and not sleeping more than 5 hours in one night. That part of the holidays is what kills me...and makes me want to cancel the holidays forever. ((Plus there is the Christmas music which seriously makes me want to grab anything and stab my ear drums))

So...the week of Christmas Jason and Bowen decided to make the trek to Texas a little early. They left Monday morning....leaving me in Vegas until Thursday night. That is 4 days and 3 nights without my little love bug of a baby boy. Needless to say, I was a hot mess. I cried...a lot..and was mad at Jason for taking Bowen. ((lets not get into it)) I did get some shopping done and some cleaning. But really...it was NOT worth being without Bowen. I didn't get any sleep those four days and I cried a lot which meant I wasted a ton of make up.

And then Thursday morning rolled around. And my throat hurt, and I was congested and had the worst sinus headache of my life. Go figure. I got sick the day I was supposed to leave.

I made it to Texas...it was a long flight. The 2.5 hours seemed like 7 because I was sitting next to a dude who smelled like he bathed in a fountain of vodka, offered me licorice and candy bars, and (finally) passed out and snored louder than a freight train.

Anyways, we made it through Christmas. I got to see my fam and Jason's fam. Got some good shit, like a Victoria's Secret Gift Card, and an Amazon gift card, and shoes... There may have been an epic fail of a gift ((you know I HAD to say something)), but hopefully 2011 will bring better gift giving skills. Bowen got spoiled....we have more trains and train tracks than anyone should ever be allowed to have, but the kid loves it. And when he said, "This is the best Christmas ever!!" my heart of ice may have melted...a little.

And then came the 20 hour drive home...it was not fun. There was a lot of yelling, maybe a few tears shed. ((Not by me...nope..not ever)) BUT we made it back to lucky Las Vegas. Once I was home, in my own bed, and not stressed out, I realized how much I love my family and friends and how lucky I am to have them.

So next year...next year I am medicating myself with xanax and Jack Daniels. Should be a much less stressful holiday season. Filled with inappropriate words and gestures...but entertaining none the less.

Big Boy Words

We have a problem. A potty mouth problem. I know everyone knows that I cuss like a sailor. Its been like this for quite a while now and I don't see any major changes coming on. And apparently I have rubbed off on Jason. So that leads us to a problem with a 3 1/2 foot tall little boy.

Saturday (after the epic party of 2010) Jason, Bowen, and I were laying in our dark bedroom and I was talking to my bff Andrea about the night before's happenings. And Jason reads Dana's tweet from the night before. Where he, of course, drops an f-bomb. With a mother in front of it. So...Bowen repeats, "M-Fer". Andrea laughs, I said "OMG JASON!!!" and Jason laughs. Because it is really hilarious to hear a sweet little boy say that. Don't judge me. So then I told Bowen that that was a big boy word and he could not say it. We haven't heard it again...so I think we are ok.

Anyways...before I get too deep into this post. I don't want any advice. I don't want anyone telling me how bad I am or Jason is. We don't care what you think. (Well Jason might) And OBVIOUSLY we don't want out three year old walking around saying cuss words. If I wanted an opinion I would ask for one. Just keep that in mind. And lighten up. Have a giggle. And remember that you are not perfect and you did not raise perfect children. In fact, I am pretty sure this has happened to you too. So...keep that in mind when reading this any further.

So then we were playing in the living room and Bowen drops a toy and says, "Damn!" Ok really..damn isn't that bad. But once again...I explained that it was a big boy word and he doesn't say that. AND THEN..I was in the kitchen cooking lasagna. (Which was delicious just in case you were wondering) and Jason was doing God knows what in the laundry area, and Bowen was walking around the living room looking for something. And I hear a very quiet, "F*^$. F*^$." repeated. A few times. Now...I ignored it. Plus...he was very seriously searching for a toy. And I can tell you, I have repeated the same word in the same tone when looking for something. Like an earring, or my keys, or a credit card. So I went on cooking. And Jason bellows, "WHAT is he saying?!?!?". Thankfully for Bowen and I, Bowen went to his room to play and I just shrugged and said, "I couldn't hear him."

We made it through Saturday with no more cuss word outbursts. And then Sunday rolled around. We were driving to the mall and Bowen is in the backseat and lets out this big sigh with an equally exasperated, "Shit." It was like he was expressing what we were thinking. We were about to battle the Christmas shopping, evil herd of the Galleria mall. I was trying to contain my giggling and so Jason told Bowen that he could not say that. (pretty sure he followed that up with a, "Do you understand?" which Bowen probably said "Yes" to) And then Jason said, "Well I have to take the blame for that one because that sounded JUST like me." SEE!! Its not all my fault.

Anyways, we haven't got a call from daycare, so thats a plus. And its not like he says bad words all the time. I think this weekend he was just being extra..expressive. So whatever. I am STILL a firm believer that kids need to learn they can't say certain things. I am 2-freaking-4 years old and if I want to say shit, asshole, or f*^%tard then I am going to say it.