The Grinch Got Me

Christmas can be a lot of fun...when you aren't getting carts rammed into you at the local Toys R' Us, or getting the finger when you take the last of a certain toy, or getting honked at while driving in the ridiculous mall traffic. I mean..Christmas is supposed to be all love and holiday spirit and giving..but it sure as hell doesn't seem that way. So anyways, I get a little bah-humbug around the holidays. If it isn't for the shitty people, its the shitty music that really does me in. But this year has started to take a turn for the better and I even found myself wanting to make my own holiday wreath! (I know! Me being all crafty and shit! Who would have thought?!)

The day after Thanksgiving Jason brought my four foot tall (Big Lots bargain) tree into the house. Bowen was SO excited. And when I plugged it in and the multi-colored lights started shining he was stoked! I was stoked! And then I realized the cool teal and hot pink and glittery silver ornaments that I have had since Bowen's first Christmas were nowhere to be found. (They were also a Big Lots bargain, but dude, they were SO cute) So I resorted to hanging the hand painted, glass ornaments that my mom and grandma had given me. Bowen had a BLAST hanging the ornaments. Especially the one that plays songs when you press the button. ((I hate Christmas music..and of course..this ornament plays Christmas music)) Every night when we get home the first thing he does is plug in the tree. Its so cute!!

AND he knows about Santa. This year Santa is bringing him Rosie. ((DUH a train)) He even saw Santa and an elf in the aquarium at the Silverton and got to talk to him. (Unfortunately I missed out on this...Jason is a punk) And this coming Saturday we are going to the mall (bc Santa likes to see everyone at the local mall before his big night) to see the Big Man himself. I have an issue with grown men dressing up as Santa or the Easter bunny or whatever and having kids sit on their laps. Its creepy. Obviously they aren't going to do anything to my child while I am hovering..I mean standing..next to him. But its creepy.

But the big thing...the holiday tradition I love the most...he watched How The Grinch Stole Christmas ((the old school cartoon one)) with me last night. It was SO cute. He even got pissed when the commercials came on. ("Mommy where is the Grinch?" and "But I don't want Powwy Pocket..I want the Grinch!!") Anyways..the pic above is him sitting next to me quietly, and very still-ly (its a word..trust), completely taken back by the singing Whos in Whoville. It was the best moment ever.

So all in all..even though I hate the fact that Christmas music is playing in every effing store imaginable (it literally makes me want to slit my wrists) and that this time of year becomes "Tis the season..to be an a-hole"..I am super stoked about all that comes with Christmas. I can't wait to take Bowen to look at lights and I am SO excited for Christmas morning and the stocking opening.

And maybe tonight Bowen will sing me Jingle Bells (because his version makes my heart grow instead of the usual effect these songs have on me) and we can snuggle together again and watch A Charlie Brown Christmas or something holiday inspired.

Bring On The Garlic!!!

So. I hate to admit this. But I love the Twilight series. I know. I know. I am a bad ass. I am a take no shit type of girl. But I fell in love with the books immediately. (Read them all in a week) And have all the dvd's and may or may not have some Jacob and Edward paper plates in my cabinet. ANYWAYS....today I found something devastating out. DEVASTATING!!!

Bowen is Team Edward!!

WTF!! I know..I was shocked. Edward is like an over-sensitive, PMSing dude. And he is glittery...what kind of MAN is glittery? (unless he just left the strip club..then I can kinda understand)) I mean, Jacob, is all rough and tough, and hot and dark skinned, and filled with rage, and raw power, and is BUFF...and..well..wow.

So let me explain what happened.

I picked Bowen up from school and he had THREE band-aids on. Now..don't be alarmed. The kid can gently bump his hand on a table or something and need a band aid. But there was one on his neck..which was weird.

So after we finger painted and he took a shower, I made him take off the neck band aid so I could see if it was a real owie or not. I asked him what happened and this is the story he told me...

Mommy: Bowen what happened to your neck??

Bowen: A vampire bit me!!!!

Mommy: A what?!

Bowen: A vampire!!

Mommy: What is a vampire?

Bowen: It has sharp teef and scary claws!! ((And he showed me his teeth and his claws))

Mommy: Who told you about vampires??

Bowen: My Nana told me about vampires. And one BIT me on my neck. I need a band aid.

Can you see my dilemma?? My own child is now a vampire. A cold one. Sigh...wtf am I going to do??

I called my mom, Bowen's Nana, immediately and told her what he said. She laughed of course, and then blamed ME for watching Eclipse while he was awake. Ok dude, the only part he paid any sort of attention to was when the amazing, incredible, werewolves were on screen. So I am no way responsible for this.

But on a more serious note...what am I going to do with a vampire for a kid when I have made the decision to support the werewolves??

Eff YOU, Monday!!

It has been a Monday. Like the Monday of all Monday's. Like I don't just have a case of the Monday's, but this Monday effing attacked me.

Remember how when you were little and you had been on Thanksgiving or Christmas break and you stayed up late and slept in and maybe even took a nap since you were out of school? Then the Sunday before school started your mom made you go to bed early (or atleast on time) because you had to be up early and get back on your schedule? Remember this?? Well...it happened to me last night. Me and J have been staying up late (watching CMT...I am pretty sure someone poisoned me and this is my reasoning behind the CMT watching) and B-Nasty had been staying up later and sleeping in. Which was FAB. Until last night. Bowen went to bed on time, with no fight. I went to bed at 9:30 (don't judge me..my plan was to get up before 6 and go to the gym), but of course...couldn't sleep. And then when I did sleep I was waking up ALL the time. So...I am working on, like 4 hours of sleep.

Then at 5:30 this morning the elephant of an upstairs neighbor clomped up and down the stairs 5 times. 5 times!!! This woke me up, as well as Bowen. So Bowen was rolling around, snuggling me, playing with my hair, stealing my covers, whispering. Anyways...I re-set my alarm to 6:20...due to my lack of sleepn the gym was not happening..and tried to ignore Bowen until I HAD to get up. The ignoring did not go so well, so really I got up at 5:30.

All was well until I tried to put my make up on. Of course, my new eye shadow was not as wonderful as I thought it would be. Then I sat my make up bag on the counter only for it to fall all over the ground. I tried to get dressed and after trying on 5 outfits, the first one 3 times, realized nothing was going to look good on these extra 5 pounds that I have gained. And thats when I noticed I had to pack Bowen's lunch, brush his teeth, get him dressed, and get us both out of the door in 5 minutes.

Bowen threw a fit when I told him he had to go potty and brush his teeth. This involved me taking the iPod he was so quietly playing. Which led to the tempter tantrum of 2010. I drug him into the bathroom and tried to brush his teeth while he gagged and retched bc he was crying and being a royal pain in the ass. He actually got dressed with no problem, but then we couldn't find his shoes. So the clock was ticking and I should have been leaving while Jason and I searched for shoes. Jason found them and Bowen took off...shutting himself in our bathroom. WTF. I get him dressed and we go to daycare. Just a few minutes behind schedule.

Bowen has been out of school for 9 days. And thats a lot for him. He hates the mornings and he ALWAYS always ALWAYS cries as soon as we get to school. So today was no different. He clung to my leg and bawled and bawled. And then when I sat him on the ground and tried to get him to play blocks he crawled under a table to cry. So I was like well..shit...what can I do? And got ready to leave, I turned around for one last look and this little shit of a 3 yr old ran to Bowen and ROARed at him. Like a dinosaur. This sent Bowen into a MASSIVE fit. Like with blood curdling cries. I wanted to go over to that kid and push him, face first, onto the ground. WTF kid?! I mean Bowen wasn't doing anything to him! BUT I sucked it up and walked out.

After that I needed a drink of Diet Pepsi. I pull the tab and it sprays everywhere. So there I was...in the preschool parking lot...with pepsi dripping down my mirror and in my hair, holding my hand out the window with a cold Diet Pepsi in it, while it finished spraying. Did I mention it was 37 degrees outside? I was pretty sure my hand was going to freeze to the can, like a tongue would freeze to an ice cold pole. (haha Just pictured the scene from A Christmas Story)

So...I needed a Diet Pepsi...and gas. I stopped at the convenience store and got gas and a much needed caffeine fix and was on my merry way. I plug in my iPod...and its being a touchy little biotch today. (You have to have the cable in it just a certain way or one speaker goes out and it has all this static...I need a new iPod) So I am fighting with the damn iPod all the way to work, trying to get my morning jam on so I can make it till lunch time. You see...if I don't get my morning jam, my mood is terrible.

I got to work and was taking my lunch to the fridge and reached in to find my apple. For a mid-morning snack, ya know? And it wasn't in there. I go to the car to see if it rolled out of the bag. No apple. WTF. So I left my triscuits, that are for my lunch mind you, at my desk, just in case. About 10 I grab a triscuit. It is hard as a rock. No shit. I might have broke a tooth on it. SO...not only was my snack gone, but my lunch wasn't going to work out either.

Anyways...the rest of the day has gone ok. I have a Pampered Chef party tonight. I have never been to one of these so I am not sure what to expect. And I need to go the gym...work off some steam...and bread and pumpkin pie. But that will just have to wait till tomorrow. Anyways, the day has gotten better, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am not a morning person. The days need to be a little gentler in the mornings and about 10 can come at me full force.

For My Stinky Monster

Do you ever have one of those days..or hours..or even just fleeting moments..where you get all sappy and rememberful (like that word? you can use it if you want)? So here is the deal..me and Jason were sitting on the couch watching CMTs 40 top songs of the decade. I know, I know..me watching CMT. As in COUNTRY music. Despite the fact that I am an obvious ass kicking, rock loving chick..I do like some country. BUT its once in a blue moon that I listen to it. However, tonight I was listening. And there were some really good songs on there. Songs that made me think of the past and the future.

For example...when I left my ex for the first time, I remember listening to "Jesus Take The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood on repeat. And anyone who knows the story of me and the ex will understand why it hit home. It only makes it more meaningful because she was heading home and had a baby in her car, just like me. Was it a really hard time full of heartbreak and chaos?Most definitely. But it happened for a reason, made me a better, stronger person. And that song will always mean something to me.

And if you're a parent and you've heard the song "You're Gonna Miss This" by Trace Adkins you have probably had that same little twinge in your heart that I got. Time flies by. I miss being able to hold Bowen for more than one minute. I miss the first time he rolled over, the first time he crawled and walked. There are the times that seem to last forever (like teething), but really they go by SO fast.

Anyways...I am sitting at the kitchen table where Bowen ate lunch. There is nacho cheese smeared to my right and a picture that he drew right next to it. He is sleeping in the bedroom right behind me. And I know he is sleeping because I just went in there and laid next to him and watched him sleep. It amazes me how far me and that little guy have come.

Bowen was planned (and I was even married!! Give me some credit ya'll!) and he is my miracle baby. My first real memory of him was at the doctor's office. I was getting my first ultrasound and my mom was with me and there he was in black and white. And his yolk sac was right above his head which made him look like an angel. In fact that ultrasound says "angel baby" on it. I cried, my mom cried. And my whooooole life changed right then and there.

And of course there was the day he was born. There really is nothing like seeing and holding your baby for the first time. I hadn't even held him yet and I told my mom, "I would do it again in a heartbeat". And I would. There is definitely no love like a mother's love. And it only grows as your baby grows.

I know I have mentioned like a jillion times before how much Bowen and I are alike. It is SO true. Not only is he loud and obnoxious, but he hates mornings like me, he loves smooches and squeezes, he likes to snuggle, and he has a temper. The kid is my mini-me. (now he may not look like me, but I def got the better part of the deal) When I am sad, Bowen knows it. When I am happy, he feeds off that too. He can push my buttons though, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

What I can't believe is that he is already 3 1/2...going on 25. I can't believe he put his own shirt on today or asked me if the sun came up this morning. I swear it seems like yesterday that I was holding him for the very first time.

I'm not a very religious person, but I believe in God and I believe that things happen for a reason. And I think Bowen was put in my life at the time he was for a reason. I can't imagine where I would be without him. Bowen has been my only reason for getting out of be sometimes, more times than I'd like to remember. He was the reason I didn't give up and he was also the reason I threw in the towel when I did. He has been there when I have cried, he has been there when I have laughed. He has been there when I have hit rock bottom and he has been there when I have celebrated. Bowen may not ever realize how much he means to me, because I am pretty sure there is no way I can put those feelings into words. But I can promise this...I seriously don't think I could live without him.

So some day...if he ever reads this...I hope he gets a glimpse of just how much he means to me.

Happy Effing Thanksgiving!!!

All over Facebook there are people posting what they are thankful for. I don't want to waste a facebook post on something everyone is doing (facebooks updates are only for serious stuff! ;-) ) so I am going to waste..I mean use...my phenomenal blogging skills to tell everyone about all the awesome things that I am thankful for.

Here we go...

1. Diet Pepsi. Uhh..shut up..this is my blog. I can be thankful for DP. And let me tell you, Jason and Bowen are thankful for it too. I am a serious biotch without this brown, bubbly liquid in my system.

2. Electricity. Yep, seriously. I mean, can you imagine NOT being able to use a microwave, watch TV, plug the computer in so you can check fb or twitter..I mean..the news and weather?? I couldn't. Until we moved into our apartment this year..then I didn't have to imagine..it was a reality. And it sucked serious ass. We didn't have lights, heat, a way to cook a quick lunch. It was awful. (It lasted like 3 hours, but for reals, it was a looong 3 hours)

3. Disposable diapers. Now my baby is out of diapers (except for a pull up at night), but I did use them for 3 years. And I thanked buddha every time I changed one. There is no way in hell I would use a cloth diaper and have all that extra work involved.

4. The iPod. Ok not only does this effing amazing creation hold all my bad ass tunes, but it can also act as a mini-babysitter. Need your kid to stop throwing things at the table behind you during a dinner out? Put on a movie on the iPod. Is your child begging for your attention while to try to cook, clean, pee? Let him play a game on the iPod. Seriously..I would be lost without my iTouch.

What?? Sorry...didn't hear you.. You don't think these are serious enough things to be thankful for??? Oh. Well..hold on a second and I will see what I can do. (I am a people pleaser, what can I say?)

1. My baby boy. Duh. I am obviously thankful for him. He is my whooole wide world. I love him to pieces and would be a lost without him. (even though he wrecked my body and drains my bank account)

2. My family. My daddy had cancer two years ago and (thank God) is now in remission. You really don't realize how much your parents mean to you and how much you need them until something happens. I love my parents more and more every day and miss my brothers and sisters ALL the time. Friends may come and go, but family is here forever.

3. J-Watson. So the man drives me effing insane. Sometimes I want to punch him in the throat. BUT he has been there for me through a lot of shizz (even held my hand through a biopsy) and is a great dad to my evil monster of a child. And (if he ever figures out that I run this show) I see a happy and love-filled future with us all together.

4. Jason's family. If it wasn't for his mama pushing it, Jason would have never been driven to come check me out at the office. But more importantly, they have all been very loving and have made me and Bowen feel right at home. (I think they all like Bowen more than me, but whatever..I can pretend its because they think I am really amazing)

5. Friends. When I moved to Vegas I left the best friends a girl could ever have behind. And then it took me for-freakin-ever to make friends here. (Vegas sucks like that ya'll.) But the few true friends I have made are awesome. And I definitely appreciate my friends back home even more. So I am definitely thankful for the people I can call my friends.

6. The bad times. Lord knows I have been through some shit. But I wouldn't be the strong person that I am today if I hadn't gone through all the bad. So I am thankful I wasn't handed everything on a silver platter, that I had to work for what I wanted, that I got tough love, and all the other crap that no one wants to get into detail about. At the end of the day, even though I have a bad mouth and will beat a bitch down, I know that I am a good person.

So there ya have it, folks. In a nutshell..this is what I am thankful for. I mean, the first list could have gone on and on and on. I hadn't even gotten to how thankful I am for shoes! SO everyone have a very happy Thanksgiving and if you are travelling, be safe!

I'm Turning Into My Parents

((Above is a pic of Bowen and my mom...getting ready for Bowen's third birthday party...looks like Nana said something bad!!))

You know how when you grow up your parents say shit that doesn't really make sense. Or it made sense, but just seemed stupid. But most importantly, you vowed you would NEVER say that or do that. THEN you become a parent and it slowly starts happening.

Here is a little glimpse into what I am talking about:

There is: "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about." Here is the problem, obv something made me cry to begin with so you won't be making me be quiet if you spank me and really give me something to cry about. As a child it didn't make sense...but now as a mother, I understand WHY they said this.

Or: "You'll do it and like it." OR "You'll eat it and like it." Pretty sure NOTHING is going to make me LIKE picking up dog poop. And no matter how much cheese you put on a brussel sprout, its still disgusting. Just saying.

And then: "Because I said so" also interchangeable with "Because I am your mom/dad". I don't give a damn if you are the king of frikkin England, it did not make me feel any less pissed off when my parents said this shit. (this became used more often when I was a teen)

And who could forget: "Someday you'll thank me for this" Alright...some times I do understand why they did the things they did...but not always. Like NOT allowing me to walk to Rosa's from the movie theatre. I still don't get it. And after a while I just did it anyways, then hauled ass back to the movies before my mom or dad could arrive.

Anyways...I am now a parent..and I have begun to say things that I am sure my parents said to me. ((Even the "I'll give you something to cry about" thing)) Seriously..kids are obnoxious and know how to push buttons. Even Jason says some shit...but what Jason says drives me nuts. Like I want to pick up whatever is near me (a crayon, toy car, knife...whatever) and throw it at him when he says this one thing...."Do you understand?"

You're probably saying, "What's wrong with that?" Let me get into detail. Now he tells Bowen this ALL the time. Like he can be telling Bowen that we are going to go to the store and when we get back he can watch Dora the (annoying as hell) Explorer. But he says it in this tone that is like nails on a mother loving chalkboard. I have told him 2o5834908530968 times that I hate it beyond belief...that it sounds like he is talking to Bowen like Bowen is a complete moron (which he is not). So let me tell you what happened this weekend.

Yesterday I was sleeping in (Jason slept in the day before) and when I woke up Bowen came into my room and was talking to me. He was telling me some story, no idea what it was really about, and then said, "And Jason said, 'Do you understand?' "...omg I lost it...of course I was laughing, but then I was like Jason thats not cool. Now Jason says its because Bowen responds to him that way..like he gets it. I tell him that he can say "ok?" or "Got it?" and it would seem MUCH nicer and less condescending. Jason argues and argues...so I just told him that it can't continue to be in that condescending tone forever, Bowen is 3 right now, but when he is 8 and Jason does that, I wouldn't blame Bowen throwing a right hook at him. Because it makes me want to throw a right hook FOR him.

But then there was this on Saturday. Bowen is all boy. And when I say all boy I mean ALL. BOY. As in he wants to fight everyone (playfully of course, but he packs a punch) and wanted to be a PENISeratops dinosaur last night and thinks its hilarious to stick pretzel sticks up his nose. The point is...sometimes threatening to beat him works when he is misbehaving. So this is what happens...Bowen repeatedly misbehaves and I try a break (aka a time out) or something and then he crosses the line and I say, "Bowen if you do that again I am going to bust your ass." I can count on one hand the number of times he has actually received a spanking after that has been said.

Well Saturday Bowen was ridiculously hyper. He was running from his bedroom, into the living room and jumping on us, then running back to do it again. And all of a sudden, from my baby's mouth comes, "I gonna bust your ass!!" Jason starts cracking up and gets up to leave. Being the (professional, smooth-in-a-time-of-crisis) mommy that I am, I put on my serious face and tell Bowen that he is not old enough to say that...that only mommy's and daddy's can say that.

I never thought I would think that I would once say that I am turning into my parents..but I might be. Pretty sure my dad told me he would bust my ass...and I am SURE he has told 1...or all...of his kids that they can't say something because they are not grown ups yet. (Some day I will tell you the story of my littlest brother re-enacting a scene from Saving Private Ryan with his army men) Now if we could just work on Jason's sayings...his suck. Mine...pretty damn memorable. (and funny when repeated)

Baby Fear...Not Fever

Way back when I was a wee little girl, running around in my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle house shoes, with my undies over my jeans, and my hair a tangled mess I dreamed of being a mommy. Not just any mommy, but a mommy who drove a mini-van and had 8 kids. Yes. 8. ((Ok now in all reality the afore-mentioned child was really like 4 years old..I should have described my 8-10 yr old self..but not nearly as cute or fun)) Fast forward to today....I am a divorced, mother of a 3.5 yr old, who drives a mommy mobile, but not a mini-van. And instead of 8 kids I am leaning on keeping the kid count to...1. Those of you who know me are probably gasping in horror..are completely confused...worried about my mental health. But before you call Jason or my mom and demand that someone take me to the hospital...hear me out.

So...there are LOTS of reasons for this huge change of heart. Would I LOVE to have another one. Fo sho. But....things have changed and I didn't live happily ever after and that makes me re-think my previous motherhood goals. Below is a list of a few reasons.

1. Bowen is 3.5 yrs old...so if I got prego TONIGHT, my kids would be 4 yrs apart. Which isn't horrible...but the fact of the matter is, there will be no baby making tonight. In fact, there will be no baby making for over a year...if not more. Which leads me to number.....

2. Jason and I aren't engaged. In fact..he has told me since we started dating (almost 2 yrs ago) that he would propose in 7 yrs. SO I've got 5 more years to go. And then the year it takes to plan the wedding. AND THEN...maybe we can discuss kids. So...seriously...we aren't having kids for atleast 2 years. (because supposedly he has a plan and it is sooner than 5 yrs) So my baby boy will be atleast 6 before I can even bless with him a sibling.

3. I am 8 years younger than my big sis. She didn't want me. In fact..she hated me. (not lying) We didn't get along or have anything in common until I was like 12...and even then its not like we could hang together. So now that I am 24, we have a good relationship. I mean..I think it got good when I was like 19 or 20. Anyways the point is, if you space your kids out too much they won't be close...and I do NOT want that for my kids. I know how much it sucked. And it sucked a lot.

4. I love Bowen a lot. Like so much its crazy. He and I are SO close, its been just me and him from the beginning. Plus he is kind of a little miracle. (not in the way that ALL babies are miracles, but like I shouldn't have been able to have the kid) He and I have the same personality, we act the same, sleep the same...etc etc...so I don't know if I could ever love anyone as much as I love him. Every mom tells me that this is totally untrue...but it does worry me.

5. And then there is the split home situation. I know if I do ever have other kids that I will figure this out and worrying/thinking about it right now is not doing me any good. But I worry how Bowen will handle everything. Like will he be upset that he has a different last name than the other kids? Will he be upset that he has a different dad? If his dad ever starts seeing him, how will he feel about missing weekend stuff? Like I said...I know its not doing me any good to worry about it now, but thats my nature. (so kiss my ass)

6. And...to be a little vain...umm...I just recently (like a year ago...maybe close to 2 now) got my body back into semi-decent shape. I mean when I was pregnant with Bowen I was huge. LIKE A WHALE. I never thought I was that big and kept thinking that the reason people were giving me these pitiful looks was bc I didn't have my wedding ring on and I looked young. (uhh..it didn't fit...not because I didn't want to wear the gorgeous thing) Come to find out, it was because I was ginormous and looked like I was about to pop out 3 kids at the same time. So umm yea...

Ok the truth is...I would love more kids. I think having a baby is an awesome thing. I think Jason deserves to have one of his own and get to experience all the morning sickness and mood swings and weird cravings. And I want Bowen to have a sibling. And I love babies. All of them...but...as you can see...its not always as easy as a fun rumble in the bedroom..and viola! A baby. I think Jason is getting worried because of my change of heart...but I mean..maybe I just need some positive vibes sent my way...or to hold a new baby...or an accident. Just saying!!!!