We are potty training. And it is exhausting! Exhausting!!!!!! Yesterday I spent half of the day trying to figure out if my son was the only kid who refuses to go number two when they potty train and what the answer is to this problem. I did find out that many a child has a problem dropping a deuce when potty training begins (Thank sweet baby Jesus! Like we need anything else to make us stand out) However, I got no REAL answers on how to get him to do the poo, except maybe read him a few books. (rrrright)
Whatever..I am a good mom. I decided to look for books. I did..I looked at books and read their reviews. There is a book called "Everyone Poops" that has different animals that have pooped, and you get to lift the flaps to reveal their poo mounds! Yay! I can only imagine what the elephant's doodie looks like! I read reviews on "Potty Time" (not to be confused with party time, I have a feeling its not), "The Potty Train" (where the train says CHOO CHOO POO POO), and "Where Did My Potty Go?" (right where I left it kid). All the reviews said the same thing. They were cute (how is crap cute?) but didn't teach any real elements of using the potty chair. Well why the eff would I, or anyone else for that matter, read about puddles of piss and crap if they didn't have to? Books were out of the question!
THEN there was the potty watch. A watch that looks like a toilet seat and plays a little tune every 3o minutes to let your kid know its time to sit on the potty chair. SIGH Ask Watson, I never set a timer for anything...ever. And Bowen rarely keeps anything on for 30 minutes. This obviously was not going to work either.
After 3 hours of this shit...literally..I decided my eyes had been assaulted enough. And it was time to go get Bowen.
Bowen had not had any accidents that day at school. This was awesome considering it was our 4th day potty training. But they had him in a diaper when I picked him up...because they were hoping he would poop. (We were on day 4 of no doodies people, this was serious) So I took him home, put him in undies and gave him some prune juice. All night long (ok from 6-8) I asked "Do you need to go potty?" In fact that is all I did...and wait for the moment he was ready. By 8 the kid FINALLY took a leak. I mean seriously, his bladder must be gallon sized, because I know I peed atleast 4 times in those two hours. So we had no accidents that night either. Holla!!!
And one more thing...no one tells you that potty training makes your morning and night routine take FOREVER! (with repeats of forever like they do it on the Sandlot) That night I spent atleast 20 minutes trying to get him to pee before he got in the tub. Then after bath time another 10 trying to get him to pee before bed. Then of course, the next morning I oveslept. BUT he pooped! Thank GOD!!! Hallelujah. I was beginning to worry that his pretty blue eyes were about to turn brown because of the overload. So I did what I had read and changed the diaper and put the poop in the potty chair, while gagging, and explained this is where poop goes. While I am nearly vomiting, and putting the poop in the toilet, Bowen walks in to the bathroom, with pee dripping down his legs. Oh but of course this would happen NOW!! So then I spent 20 minutes (and we were already 10 mins late) trying to get him dressed and in undies. The kid wanted a diaper..and he was for real. After 20 minutes of him screaming, and kicking my boobies, and throwing things, I decided f it...you win, have the damn diaper. We made it to daycare and I told them there were underwear in his bag and literally ran from the building. Good luck ya'll!
Then Watson calls. (he had been out of town) He thought my potty training misery was HILARIOUS! And then reminded me that he was going to have B-Nasty all by himself this weekend, and I am only dealing with him at night and in the morning. Shut up Watson! My answer to him was...fine we will keep him in diapers forever. MEN!
Whatever..I am a good mom. I decided to look for books. I did..I looked at books and read their reviews. There is a book called "Everyone Poops" that has different animals that have pooped, and you get to lift the flaps to reveal their poo mounds! Yay! I can only imagine what the elephant's doodie looks like! I read reviews on "Potty Time" (not to be confused with party time, I have a feeling its not), "The Potty Train" (where the train says CHOO CHOO POO POO), and "Where Did My Potty Go?" (right where I left it kid). All the reviews said the same thing. They were cute (how is crap cute?) but didn't teach any real elements of using the potty chair. Well why the eff would I, or anyone else for that matter, read about puddles of piss and crap if they didn't have to? Books were out of the question!
THEN there was the potty watch. A watch that looks like a toilet seat and plays a little tune every 3o minutes to let your kid know its time to sit on the potty chair. SIGH Ask Watson, I never set a timer for anything...ever. And Bowen rarely keeps anything on for 30 minutes. This obviously was not going to work either.
After 3 hours of this shit...literally..I decided my eyes had been assaulted enough. And it was time to go get Bowen.
Bowen had not had any accidents that day at school. This was awesome considering it was our 4th day potty training. But they had him in a diaper when I picked him up...because they were hoping he would poop. (We were on day 4 of no doodies people, this was serious) So I took him home, put him in undies and gave him some prune juice. All night long (ok from 6-8) I asked "Do you need to go potty?" In fact that is all I did...and wait for the moment he was ready. By 8 the kid FINALLY took a leak. I mean seriously, his bladder must be gallon sized, because I know I peed atleast 4 times in those two hours. So we had no accidents that night either. Holla!!!
And one more thing...no one tells you that potty training makes your morning and night routine take FOREVER! (with repeats of forever like they do it on the Sandlot) That night I spent atleast 20 minutes trying to get him to pee before he got in the tub. Then after bath time another 10 trying to get him to pee before bed. Then of course, the next morning I oveslept. BUT he pooped! Thank GOD!!! Hallelujah. I was beginning to worry that his pretty blue eyes were about to turn brown because of the overload. So I did what I had read and changed the diaper and put the poop in the potty chair, while gagging, and explained this is where poop goes. While I am nearly vomiting, and putting the poop in the toilet, Bowen walks in to the bathroom, with pee dripping down his legs. Oh but of course this would happen NOW!! So then I spent 20 minutes (and we were already 10 mins late) trying to get him dressed and in undies. The kid wanted a diaper..and he was for real. After 20 minutes of him screaming, and kicking my boobies, and throwing things, I decided f it...you win, have the damn diaper. We made it to daycare and I told them there were underwear in his bag and literally ran from the building. Good luck ya'll!
Then Watson calls. (he had been out of town) He thought my potty training misery was HILARIOUS! And then reminded me that he was going to have B-Nasty all by himself this weekend, and I am only dealing with him at night and in the morning. Shut up Watson! My answer to him was...fine we will keep him in diapers forever. MEN!
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