My mini ME

I always heard that when you become a parent you end up paying for your raising. Why was this never mentioned until I was already pregnant?! I mean maybe...just MAYBE...I would have been less of a character. (I mean I have never been obnoxious or sarcastic or stubborn or dramatic or anything like that. Nope...not me) I am here to say...I am officially...paying for my raising. (or if you're from Texas, payin' for my raisin'..must be said with thick accent)

This has been apparent...almost from the beginning. Just not in such a high doseage. Bowen's morning issues definitely come from me and that shit has been happening since day one. Then there was his being held issues. (no, not the issue of me ALWAYS holding him) When he was an infant he never wanted to be cradled in your arms, he wanted to be up on your shoulder seeing what everyone was doing. Another one of my fabulous traits. Bowen is also known for wanting what he wants when he wants it with no questions asked. (now I dunno who he gets this from bc that is certainly not me) Well...now he is 3. And he is walking, running, jumping, climbing..and talking. This has created a whole new monster.

This morning I was trying to get Bowen to stop playing with his trains and come get dressed. Now normally I can threaten to leave him and he starts crying and running towards me. So I say, "FINE! I am leaving you!" and grab my purse and open the door. Right as I am stepping out the door I look back into his room and he is standing by his trains with a HUGE grin on his face and waving bye bye. It was hard not to smile at this, but I put on my mean face and told him to get his heiney to the living room NOW or I was gonna spank it. (ok ...fine...heiney was really ass and spank was really beat) I think he knows now that I PROBABLY wouldn't have done it. So he stood there and smiled. (damn that smile) I started counting. I even got to three (which is new...usually it is only 2) and had to start heading towards his door before he started fake crying and running towards me with open arms. Then he got dressed with no problem, except that he wanted his hat on backwards and he wanted to do that himself. (seriously..time was ticking and we had to go..I just wanted to help)

But really every single day it is something with this kid. Most of the time I have a hard time trying not to laugh (like when he dropped the f bomb or told Jason he was not bitchiness) and it is hard deciding how to discipline. So usually I ignore. (not saying that is the best thing)


Let me explain a little.


One morning (as per usual) Bowen was being a pain in my ass and I was trying to get him ready. I finally got him to get dressed and he looked at me and said (very seriously), "You cut it out Mommy! I say stop it now!" I don't even think I was talking to him at that point, just trying to get him to put his head through the right hole of his shirt. So...I stifled a giggle..and pretended it never happened. The thing is...the kid probably hears that exact same thing, but with his name in it, atleast once a day. Atleast we know he has the ability to remember things.

Then there is the band aid thing. He HAS to have a band aid every single night when he gets out of the tub. During the day (when I am home with him) there is usually atleast one time he falls or something and needs a band aid as well. He makes his bottom lip all pouty and looks at me with those big, blue, puppy dog eyes and says he needs one. Of course I get him one! It is a damn band aid...not a beer! Jason says he doesn't need one every time he asks..but seriously..I am too tired to fight that battle and if it makes him happy, and costs me approx. $1.68/week, then he can have a damn band aid. Anyways...back to the tub..the only way to get him out of the tub lately is to offer a band aid. Last night he had to put one on his tummy. Was there anything wrong with his tummy? Nope. But that is where his "boo-boo" was. All I know is...it is better than having to wrap him in ace bandages or gauze..so I will take the band aid theatrics.

Bowen has also started using his imagination. It is pretty damn cute actually. (Except when he is -very forcefully- telling ME to use my imagination) Lately he is different animals. And it always starts with a kitty cat. This weekend we were leaving to go somewhere and Bowen was a cat. He crawled across the cement and street (which was obv hot) meowing the whole time. I had my slow as mollasses child crawling across the ground meowing like a lost kitten and getting dirtier by the millisecond and Jason saying, "Oh honey, get him off of the ground!" Umm nooooooo! If he wants to be a damn cat, let him be a damn cat. He isn't crying or whining or on me. (It is annoying when I am at Buffalo Wild Wings trying to enjoy my chips and cheese and he is meowing and laying on me..but whatevs...I deal) Plus it brings me great pleasure when he is a frog and ribbits and jumps directly on Jason's stomach. Ahh...imagination is not such a bad thing.

Like I said before, Bowen wants what he wants when he wants it..and you better not question him. Every night Jason or I read him a story. Usually I do it. So we go to his room and lay on his bed together while I read stories. One night I was really tired so I thought it would be better (meaning I wouldn't fall asleep during Blue Burt and Wiggles) if I sat up to read. That shit was not happening. Bowen told me to lay down. I told him I wanted to sit up. He sat up in bed, tossed his blankies aside and looked at me...kinda mean. Then he pointed his finger at me and said, "Mommy you way down on my piwwhoa"...and when he said pillow he moved his little finger towards his pillow. Now even though he had spoken to me sternly, I couldn't help but laugh a little. I gave in and decided to speed read so I would stay awake since my weary head was on such a plush pillow.





The list could go on and on. Every day Bowen does something else that causes me stop and wonder what the hell happened to my sweet, QUIET, baby. And then start worrying about what I am going to have to deal with when he is a teenager. I don't see these moments going anywhere and I am positive my hands will be even more full the older he gets. But of course, I love it.

Snug As A Bug In A Rug

I like to snuggle. In fact, I sleep better when someone is in bed with me. (unless that someone is snoring) So it should come as no surprise that Bowen almost always is in bed with us by the morning. Before having Bowen I had never heard of this "family bed" thing. (or that there was a name for this shit) As a kid, if I had a bad dream and I was at my dad's house he would let me come sleep with him and my stepmom. Now if I had a bad dream and I was at my mom's house...I was shit out of luck. (she was mean! haha jk mom) Anyways, I always figured my kids would sleep with me if they got scared or had a bad dream..and I wouldn't have it any other way...I just didn't think it'd be every single night. ANYWAYS...the point is...I was talking to a friend who just had a baby and she is doing the same thing as I did. And I looove it. There is a lot of debate surrounding this whole kid-sleeping-in-your-bed thing (as there is with anything about kids) and it is nice to know I'm not the only crazy mommy out there.

Ok so here is how it happened.

When I was in the hospital after 26 loooong hours of labor and they took my baby away I had the weirdest anxiety because he wasn't with me. (the thing had been inside of me, using my body, for 40 weeks...it was weird being all alone) You know they let you room with your baby, but he was in a plastic bassinet (poor thing). So I started sleeping with him on my belly. So much more comfy. Then when I got home it just got worse. I tried putting him in his bassinet for the first couple of nights, but when he woke up for that first feeding I just fed him in bed and slept with him in my arm. (because it was 10000 times easier then moving to 5 diff locations)Then I would just feed him and then lay him on my belly while he had one hand in my shirt and one hand playing with my hair..so much easier.(seriously..he still plays with my hair...thank God he quit putting a hand in my shirt)

Then the ex came back from Iraq and I was crazy worried he would roll over on Bowen in the middle of the night. So every night he went to bed sleeping on my tummy (hand in hair), then I would put him in his pack and play. When he woke up for his midnight feeding I would get up, feed him, and sleep with him on the couch. (I think he was about 7 mths when I said eff all this, and just put him on MY side of the bed, which was against the wall, and barricaded so he couldn't fall through the crack)

When Bowen was 9 months old the ex and I seperated so Bowen and I slept together. But by this time he would suffocate me because he weighed so much, so he fell asleep laying in my arms. Then I would sneak away and leave him in my bed and snuggle with him when I was going to sleep.

THEN I decided this as ridiculous and started trying to put him to bed in his own bed. Omg...this was awful. There was a lot of yelling. (pretty sure my mom would sit in the living room and laugh during these times) After I moved out of my moms house I had figured some shit out. I started out by letting his sleep on his little couch in my room, but not holding him or anything. He still got in my bed in the middle of the night, but atleast we were making progress. Then he just started going to bed in his own bed and then climbing in my bed around 2 in the morning. It was fine and I liked having him to snuggle in the mornings.

Anyways..present day...he goes to bed in his own room after he has read 'Runny Babbit' and 3 to 7 (depending on how much of a push over Jason or I am) other books. Then sometime in the middle of the night he climbs into our bed. Then we snuggle in the mornings..depending on when he wakes up.

Bowen has his own pillow on our bed. It is right in between me and Jason. You would think he would use this pillow. But he does not. Instead he lays his big BULBOUS head on my pillow. This means that I have approximately 3 inches of pillow to lay my precious head on. And I am on the very edge of the bed. Sometimes an arm and leg even dangle off. Most of the time this causes me to lay sideways....which makes Bowen go sideways. (he has to have a hand in my hair at all times) Jason complains about this ALOT. He lays vertically, like a normal person, and then there are me and Bowen...laying all over the bed. My thought is...whatever I have to do to catch a few hours of sleep is what is going to happen. (plus it is a lot easier to kick Jason when he is snoring or his 4 alarm clocks are going off)

Anyways..I have read a lot of stuff about the family bed and then kids sleeping solo. I, of course, think that you should just do whatever works for you. No sense in stressing over the small stuff..especially when you could be sleeping!

I LOVE waking up to Bowen on the weekends. (ok most weekends) I love being able to snuggle with him when he gets cold (most of the time) and I seriously get worried and don't sleep well when he isn't in bed with me some time in the night. (all the time) Plus I love that we got to share the snuggly time all alone for that year...

And the great thing is..by the time Bowen starts sleeping all night long in his bed we will have another one to snuggle with! (well I hope...Jason isn't on the bandwagon for another one yet..but I am working on it)

The Language of....Love???

One of the best parts of being a mom is watching your baby grow and develop. And knowing that sooner or later you will not be up to your elbows in shitty diapers and SOME DAY you can tell your kid to make his own damn dinner because you are too tired. Anyways...here are how things have progessed...ok well some of it. Obviously he rolled over and then crawled and then walked. ALL kids do that..so I am not even going to try to act like that was something special. PLUS we all know my child would never be average and he likes to do things in his own way.

Bowen never called me mommy or mama right away. My names have grown just like my bouncing baby boy. First I was called MA. Yea. Ma. Like, "Ma, where is the cracklin' bread?" or "Ma!! The chickens all got out!" (which fits since my name is Sarah Jean...my parents must have hated me) I really did not love being called Ma.

Then it was mom. Now mom was better than ma. But isn't that what your teens call you? I wasn't prepared to NOT get the warm fuzzy feeling of hearing your baby call you mama or mommy. Instead I was mom...the food preparer and clothes folder...nothing more...nothing less.

But recently...over the past 6 months...I have evolved into Mommy. Omg...best thing ever. I know it is kind of stupid, but Mommy is SO much more loving than Ma..or Mom. Even Jason noticed that Bowen can get almost anything he wants if he just puts mommy before or after it. For example, "Mommy I want chocolate milk." BAM...the kid gets the chocolate milk, doesn't matter if he hasn't eaten dinner yet or if he just threw a massive temper tantrum. Or, "I play in the sand mommy!", two seconds later he is outside playing in the sand box. Usually butt naked. Who has time for clothes when the sand box is waiting?

However, Jason can't talk. His name has changed a lot too! First it was Saysin, now it is Daysin and Daddy. Depending on the mood. I have noticed that it is usually Daddy when he is upset and Daysin for every other moment. Now..I don't know if being called Daddy gives Jason the same warm and fuzzy feeling (the last I heard, it was weird to him..but that was 3 or so months ago so maybe he has warmed up to the idea) but I LOVE it. And Jason actually calls himself 'Daysin'...so you can't tell me he doesn't get a kick out of his ever-evolving names. (He really is not the hard ass he tries to pretend he is)

All I know is that I am SO thankful to finally be branded MOMMY! It is an accomplishment I tell you! But along with the evolving names, come the evolving everything else. Bowen is talking up a storm lately. Sometimes it is SO adorable and I am the proudest mommy ever, other times I want to bang my head against the wall or hide.

It is nice to have Bowen TELL me what he wants, instead of guessing 6000 times. (most of the time this is the case...we still have our days though) Now he can say, "I want a coke." (we don't really give him coke, it is sprite, but he doesn't know that) Or he can say, "I want chips and queso." (his fav meal of all time) This is a nice change of pace. But of course, with the good comes the bad.

Sometimes when Bowen gets a spanking he will look at me and yell, "You no hit me mommy!!" This makes things a little more challenging. Or when Jason tells him something he says, "No talking to me Daysin!" (ok most of the time this happens when Jason is annoying him so I can't REALLY blame Bowen, but sometimes its not) And of course there is the repeating.

I have a potty mouth. I admit it!! I don't need the lectures or the tsk'ing that is going on right now. I know I have to be careful what I say. This is apparent on a weekly basis. So suck it..I really am working on it. LUCKILY the kid may repeat it once, but since we don't make a big deal about it, that is usually the only time it is said. Here are my two examples...One time..I was cleaning house (probably bc I was mad about something which means I was tornadically and carelessly cleaning) and I stubbed my toe really hard. Since I was in pain (obv the ONLY reason I would use such a profane word) I yelled, "OH F*^K!". Unfortunately Bowen was trailing behind me and yelled the same thing. Ooops. I immediately clamped my hands over my mouth...ok...and I giggled. Seriously...it is funny when your little kid says that. (bite me) Like I said...I am working on it. PLUS I was in pain!! And then there was today. Jason was telling me about the different stages of waking up Bowen was in. (he has like 35 stages) This was the conversation.

Me: Is my little love muffin waking up?
J: He is in stage one...he moved...but his eyes aren't open.
45 seconds later
J: Ohhh stage 2!! He is stretching!!
30 seconds after that Bowen says something angry and incoherent to Jason
J: Stage 3 the bitchiness has begun!
Bowen: I NOT bitchiness DAYSIN!!

He was just defending hisself ya'll!!!
Ok so we get it. We both talk about this every week that we really need to be careful of what we say..and we are getting better. But of course, we are human and sometimes a shit or damn or asshole MAY accidentally slip out.

Anyways, the best part of things lately has been how sweet Bowen can be. Last weekend he was giving me a big squeeze (a hug) and told me, "Mommy I wuv you fow-ever and ever and ever and ever." Omg...melted my heart. Or when he came in one morning and was letting me hold him and said, "Dis is my fami-wee." I didn't even know he knew what a family was. But once again, melted my heart. Now...its not always loves and hugs. Sometimes he says, "Its MINE!" or "I WANNA WATCH A BID-EO!!!" (video) at the top of his lungs. But...it is fun to think of what he is going to say next. Last weekend he was telling me, "Use your imagination mommy!" and I am sure this week it will be something equally as entertaining.

We have obviously got the talking down, now if we can just get the peeing and pooping in the potty chair down...and maybe some sharing..or even a full night in his own bed once or twice a week..we would be in business!!!

The Date With Death

So finally..after like 2 months...Watson and I had a date night. Back in March I got us this trip to go on a moonlight paddle...so basically kayaking during the sunset. Romantic right? And outdoorsy..great for J. Anyways we have pushed it back and cancelled it like 12 times (ok just 2) and this weekend was FINALLY the weekend we were going to paddle to the beat of our hearts and kiss under the stars. (bahaha) All I have to say is...I am glad we lived through date night. Our harrowing tale is below.



Saturday, Bowen and I were in need of a nap since we began our morning with soccer. (once again, it is bullshit that Bowen and I have to wake up early on our days off) (oh yea..and he didn't play..again) I go lay down with my sweet angel and am out like a light. At about 4:15 I hear banging around like someone is literally THROWING the dishes into the cupboards. I growl in irritation and snuggle closer to Bowen. By 4:30 the noise is out of control and I begin to wonder if an intruder has come in and is beating my boyfriend up. I get out of bed and trudge to the kitchen where Jason is and tell him he is being entirely too loud. He then apologizes for cleaning. (how was I supposed to know?! And can't you QUIETLY clean? just saying) I decide I needed to get ready for our date night anyways so it was a good thing I was awake...but I am slow and cranky when I wake up. This is necessary to know...



We spend the next hour trying to decide what we need for the trip. This includes an extra outfit, towels, a blanket, snacks, drinks, a flashlight, and camera. We have a sitter getting ready to be at the house so basically it was a lot of talking and not so much doing or maybe there was a lot of miscommunication. I dunno..but the point is...we didn't pack a lot of stuff. Ok so at 5:30 Jason and I are ready to go (or so we think) we have given our babysitter instructions and Bowen was just waking up (slowly and with a lot of crankiness) so we bolted. We get in the car and I ask Jason if he knows how to get there and he makes me go get the instructions. I sneak in, luckily Bowen is still in our room, and run out with out directions for freedom.



We get in the car and are headed to the highway and Jason asks me to help him type an email. I was annoyed. Jason has this obsession (that may soon call for an intervention) with his iPod, phone, Twitter...well anything that would have the latest update from CNN, ESPN, and his email. I ask if we HAVE to do this right now and he gets annoyed so I type this email about how the Rangers are better than the Yankees. Seriously. Anyways, we get like 5 miles from the house and I tell him to turn around. I forgot the paperwork for our kayaking trip. Jason says to call so I do and luckily they say just to come, they have our information that we need. Sweet. So far the date night is off to a ...good...start.



We get to Boulder City and Jason decides he is hungry. (I scarfed down half a turkey burger before we left. Had I known we would be eating I would have waited) We pull into a cute little drive in place and J gets a burger and fries. The burger was effing amazing. Just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Anyways we leave the burger joint and go to Desert Adventures where the real date should begin. Now according to the website, we were going there at 6:30 for a little spill on what will happen, some safety tips, and to hop in a van with other kayakers and head to the lake. The website lied.



We get there, sign a waiver probably telling us if we died our family could not sue them, and then everyone started walking to their cars. Jason grabbed some guy who looked like he knew something (later we found out he was one of the guides) and this dude said to follow another dude (we didn't know which dude he was talking about). So we hop in the car and are both like wtf is going on. This was not what we expected. But we start following people.



We get to the gate to where you get into the lake and you have to pay. Now we had cash, but it would have been nice to know you needed to bring it for this purpose. And to make matters worse our leader did not wait up...and there were atleast 5 cars behind us. Thankfully, we found our way. We asked a couple parked next to us what was going on and they were just as confused and unsure as we were. We spent the next hour and a half standing by kayaks in the same state of mind, watching the sun go down. Remember, this was a moonlit kayaking trip...meaning we would be in the kayak on the water watching the sun go down...not on the littered beach. Anyways we make friends with some couple while waiting to get our kayaks fitted and everything loaded. (you would think they would have had the kayaks off the trucks and the stuff laid out or something...but no dice) While waiting we realize we didn't bring any snacks, or alcohol, and we forgot the camera as well. Soooo that sucked and I blame it on my tired state and Jason's...well that is just Jason..I mean remember 4th of July?) We FINALLY get on the water around 8...while clouds and lightning are clearly visible over the mountains..oh yea and the sun was basically set.



We rowed our little boats to a small island. It was actually not too bad. Jason and I weren't arguing and we were moving, so to me this was a win! Now my arms weren't as sore as Jason's...but nobody said it was a race so I blame him for his over-exertion. We walk onto the beach and climb over this mini-mountain to a small secluded beach. THIS would be our only romantic moment. No one was at the little beach yet so we stood in the water and shared one kiss under the stars and moon. Then decided to see where the snacks were so we climbed back up the mountain and laid out our blanket. We hung out with three other couples..one couple was HILARIOUS. I think the guys name was Josh and the girls name was Tatiana. Anyways we had been given these glow stick necklaces (which I thought were funny, but by the end of the night I was thankful for them) and Josh gave us a light show...we talked about concerts...and drugs (bc you can't talk about rock concerts without them)...and we went back to little beach and swam. Then it was time to pack up. So we all get back into our kayaks and head back toward land.



It was 10ish by now and we ended up having to wait in the middle of the lake for some stragglers. All of a sudden we hear this boat hauling ass. We have little blinkie flashlights on our kayaks ass (except us, bc ours never did work) and our glow stick necklaces on so I doubt this guy could see us. Anyways this boat is hauling ass...and getting closer by the second. Jason and I are obvously getting worried! So the boat finally sees us and makes a turn about 25 yards away from us (Jason says 50 but it was closer..for sure). Seriously I saw my life flash before my eyes and was worried we were going to get killed. He was ridiculously close to hitting our little group of kayaks! By that time we were both like eff this shit lets get to land. So we paddled our now un-happy asses to shore and were glad to be on dry land.



By then we were both tired and semi-hungry, but too tired to get food and were ready to be home. It was kind of annoying that they weren't organized, but all in all they did a good job. Can't expect too much from dudes. So I was expecting this kayaking trip to be romantic and lovey dovey. It was not. I was a little disappointed, but I really did enjoy kayaking. I would totally go do it again with Jason. (which means he should take full advantage of this) Plus it was a different kind of date, not just dinner and a drink. It was pretty creative and something you can't do everywhere. Hopefully our next date night will be soon and it will not include us looking at death in the face. (I mean we gave Death the finger this time..but how many more times can that happen? Just saying..I don't wanna take my chances)

Mom Guilt Will Be The Death Of Me

Mom guilt: The enormous amount of guilt you feel every day once you have a child, this can include guilt for taking a nap, leaving the house, forgetting a dr appointment, having to go to work and anything in between. Mom guilt may or may not cause depression, anxiety, and lack of sleep. It has been reported that no man will ever understand the effects of mom guilt, which has been known to cause issues in relationships, especially with the father or stepfather of the child causing the mom guilt.

Jason and I have had this conversation a few times over the past few weeks. (May or may not exact verbage...but you get the idea)

Jason: We both need a break.

Sarah: No shit

Jason: I think we need to each have a night out. You have softball Mondays and I will go out some time during the week. Oh yea..and I am going camping next month...and out of the country for a golfing trip in November. ((Insert huge smile here))

((I refuse to fill in ALL of what was said bc I am sure it would have too many cuss words and might make me look bad...))

Sarah: Well I want a weekend girls trip!!! I want a break too!!! (not as whiney as this makes me sound..ok maybe a little)

Jason: Let me know when and I will make it happen!

Sarah: (crying) Well I can't. I can't just be away from my kid. I am already away from him all the time during the week and then on the weekends I am running errands and doing stuff around the house. It isn't fair to him! He didn't ask to be born!!!

Ahh...this (well most of it) just happened last week. The one part that has happened alot lately is the talk of some alone time. Jason and I disagree on this subject and I am sure many other couples do too. I do agree that we need a day to get away for a couple of hours. Since we moved out here we have had a lack of help and support system which means we have had almost zero time as a couple. So we have lately been discussing making that time for ourselves and how it may help us get rid of some stress, thus improving our relationship.

Here is the problem....I feel bad leaving Bowen. I used to be able to leave Bowen overnight with my mom. Well now that is not an option. I have only left Bowen overnight with two people: my mom and Jason's mom. It brings me serious anxiety even talking about leaving him with someone else. Even when my mom DID watch Bowen overnight, I was always up before 7, ready to go get him. Plus..like I mentioned...I am away from him ALL day. Its not like I am a stay at home mom who only has to put him in daycare a couple of days a week...he is gone from me from 8 in the morning until 6 at night. So basically I get to see my kid for 2.5 to 3 hours total a day Monday through Friday. It sucks and is really hard for me to do.

The thing is...I know I need a break. And I think I deserve one too. But when I go to take that break, all I can think about is how I wish I was with Bowen and Jason. For example, last Monday our softball games were at 8:30 and 9:30, so one of the moms I work with decided we should go have drinks before. I said wonderful! But then when I was driving to TGI Fridays I got that tense, anxiety-filled stomach and questioned actually following through with the drinking plans. I mean..I had atleast 2 hours I could be spending with Bowen. I stuck it out and went through with the drinking and then games. After the games I thought about staying after to hang out with everyone else..but then the guilt over took me and I left. As soon as I got home I went and snuggled my sleeping baby and gave him kisses. (Don't hate on my lovey-doveyness with my monster) Before I lived with Jason I always made myself feel a little bit better about going out. It was usually once a month, PLUS I was working two jobs and going to school and was raising the monster on my own. Now I feel like I don't have that excuse...so I shouldn't be going out.

Anyways, after we had this talk I was laying in bed thinking about some of the moms I know who have little trips. I am not asking to spend alot of money on a weekend...just maybe get a hotel and hang by the pool with a girlfriend. But even that makes me feel bad. I think of all the places that money could be spent!! In my mind, there is no winning for me and I just need to suck it up. Another problem is living here...I don't really have the girlfriends I had back home...and me going to the spa or pool all by my lonesome for a weekend is not going to happen. (which makes me feel a little high school..but suck it..thats the way it is) So the point is...I am stuck in this shitty situation and don't know what to do. The mom guilt is KILLING me. But I am going to lose my damn mind (or what is left of it) if I don't start getting a break too. I am sure there are moms out there who have gone through the same thing so your advice is welcome. (HOPEFULLY I won't regret opening up for "advice")

The Joys of Boys

When I was prego I really wanted to have a little boy first. I liked the thought of having a mama's boy AND having my boy protect his little sister. (Bc of course we are having a girl next...) And everyone always said that boys are easier. That is the stupidest thing anyone has ever told me...that boys are easier. Ok you may not have to deal with periods and clothes and boyfriends...but there are other issues. Oh yes...there are many other issues.


It all started when we were in the hospital after he was born. I wanted my little boy circumsized..lots of reasons behind this, but all you need to know is that was the decision. So instead of doing the cutting, old school procedure, they put on a thing called a circum-ring. In a few days this little ring and extra skin would fall off and baby would be circumsized. Supposedly it causes less pain and yadda yadda...sounded like a plan. So a few days later I go to change my new angel baby's diaper and there is the ring...and blood. I knew there would be like a drop..I was thinking the tiniest of spots..but this was a little more than that. So I freaked out and called the pediatrician. (which happened a lot the first year of his life...pretty sure I was the one keeping his practice running) He told me it was nothing to worry about, it was just the ring, but to watch it and if there was more blood to go to the ER. There was no more blood. And this was my first experience of weird/scary/unprepared-for moments of raising a boy.



And of course, there is the peeing thing with little boys. When Bowen was born my baby daddy was in Iraq so I was left alone to do the night time changing/feeding/try-to-hold-it-together moments. One time..at like 4 in the morning..Bowen needed a diaper change. Without contacts or glasses I am blind..but of course I didn't put them on, bc at this point I could have been asleep and changed a diaper. Well this particular day I could not figure out why the ceiling has a steady stream coming from it. I mean I moved after I started having what I thought was water drip down my face...only to realize that my son was pissing on me. Ughh... I knew I should have bought the little pee-pee teepees...

Then...When my little love muffin was probably a year old...maybe a little more...I was (once again) changing his diaper. It was first thing in the morning and I was getting ready to take him to daycare. When I opened the diaper my little INNOCENT boy was sporting some morning wood. Like really....I didn't think I would have to deal with this till he was like 12! So I just ignored it and wiped him like usual. And he started to giggle. Ughh...so awkward. But thankfully this didn't happen every single day after that and I have learned to deal. I thought I was done with the strange moments..well...it has only gotten weirder.

As you all know, up until recently I was a single mom. So Bowen was ALWAYS around me. Right before we moved out here (so he was about 2 1/2) he climbed in the shower with me one morning. Not a big deal...he did it ALL the time. But this was no normal shower. He started asking me...whats this? What's that? And pointing... Thus began the conversation of, "Mommy has a vagina and Bowen has a penis." This leads me to the next weird decision...



So my mom always called the private parts by their actual name, penis and vagina. Then my stepmom came around and called them other things. All I know is, every family has some weird name for private parts. I am pretty sure, as a child, I was not only confused, but scarred when the neighbor boy called his a 'tallywacker'. Umm a who? I just think that it is less confusing to teach your kids the actual name of their private parts. (And more importantly this is what I am comfortable with) So instead of a fanooder, hoo-ha, and tweener...we just tell Bowen it is a vagina. And instead of a peeper, peepee, and dinker...its just a penis. Jason does not agree with this at all...but I have laid down the law.



Anyways...after the deciding of private part names came time to potty train. Bowen spends a lot of time naked now that we are potty training. (mostly because I am tired of washing 75 loads of laundry a week bc the kid is still having accidents) Which means his hand is almost always down there. I mean seriously..it is like he is afraid it is going to disappear. He can have a chip in one hand and his penis in the other..and is totally content. Now if he was just holding it...it might be a little better. Unfortunately, he pokes, pulls, prods, and just basically is very rough with it. It is ridiculous! And uncomfortable for his mommy!!! So this week I put him in the tub, like I do every single night. (again with the awkward bathroom moments) And he says..completely alarmed..."OH MY GOSH MOMMY!!!!!" I was surprised and said, "Whats wrong?!" He replies, "My PEEEEEEENUSSSS has a boo boo!" Oh Jesus, Mary, and Joseph (this was what I was saying in my mind) why does this shit have to happen when Jason isn't home? So I get him out of the tub and look at it. Yep..it does have a boo boo....probably because he was trying to pull it off..so the skin is a little raw on one side. I said, "Bowen what did you do?" He looks at me..soooo serious..."I SQQQQUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEZZZZED it. Like dis!" And he shows me (not using his penis, thank God) how he squeezed it. It was an intense squeeze...his little body shook and eyes bugged out and everything. So wtf am I supposed to do??! I just said, "Ok Bowen, lets not squeeze our penis anymore, ok? No squeezing your penis." He said ok...thank God..and then asked for a band-aid on his peeeenusssss. Then I had to explain how band aids can't go on there. Oh my life.



I grew up with brothers so I know there will be more horrifying and awkward moments to come. Lets NOT go into details. All I know is NO ONE tells you about this stuff! No one warns you that your child may or may not some day be trying to rip his member off. No one tells you that it is very weird trying to decide what to tell you kid to call his thingy. The whole boy situation is very weird..and I am so NOT looking forward to things to come...thankfully..Jason will be here to help me out. And oh yes...he will be handling those situations. (insert evil laughter here)

The Soundtrack of Life

I am about to touch on a subject that even Jason and I have not discussed yet. I never thought about it before, but now that I am a mom I guess I need to figure out my stance on this subject. Are you prepared for what it is?? (I highly doubt it)

Ok...the subject is music. Lets face it...music today is not good ol' Johnny Cash and June Carter. (I am not hating..I LOVE me some Johnny and June...just stating a fact) Music today is not all about dogs and butteflies (Thank you Heart for throwing that one out there though...possibly your WORST song ever) or filled with achey breaky hearts. (Billy Ray, I almost lost my ears from trying to cut them off due to that song) It is now filled with female police officers really proving their..service (Oh but I do love Lil Wayne and his tribute to the female police force) and girls attracting male attention (its ok Theory of a Deadman...I'd be your bad girlfriend if you'd let me) and necks being broken (its cool Em, I understand true love). I am just saying..things have changed. This leads me to wonder what I will and will not let Bowen listen to when he gets older.

I am very torn on this subject. And no...I am not debating this with anyone else. (fiiiiine maybe Jason...maybe)

Ok so here it is. (get ready, I used to be on the debate team and I might throw out some mad LD skills) EVERY generation has had the "rebels" of the music industry. The Doors were rebels..back in the day it was a HUGE ordeal that he mentioned getting higher in 'Light My Fire'. And then there was KISS with 'Lick It Up'...pretty sure oral stimulation was not something talked about. Actually...lots of KISS' songs were looked down upon. And then there was Eminem talking about killing bitches...and the list goes on and on and on and on. And it will never end. (I skipped a lot of artists in there...but it was for the sake of reading an 18 page thing, not my lack of musical knowledge)

So when I was like 13 my little brother had a Limp Bizkit album called Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. (seriously..I like this album and still bump it in my car..so suck it) One of the songs talks about there being 46 f-bombs in it...well my stepmom walked in on that part of the song...and flipped the F out. I am pretty sure the cd got broken in half (yep..this was before iPods) and Chance was in deep shit for it. The thing was we already knew all the words in it. We weren't off saying, "F this and F that" just because we listened to the cd. So I think it was stupid. BUT...I see why she flipped out like she did. It is a mom's job to make sure her children are not ruined by the cruelty and hate of the world. (or some shit like that) I disagree with it, but I see why she did it...now...if it was Bowen who was like 11 (thats how old Chance was) I don't think I would have an issue with it. He DOES have me for a mom, so by the ripe age of 11 I am sure he will be fully aware of all the different cuss words out there. I, OF COURSE, will teach him he can't repeat these in my home. If he does...I will beat him within an inch of his life. (obviously exaggerating...don't call CPS)

Ok..so I am sure you are already saying, "OMG What a bad MOMMY!" Yea yea..suck it...the next topic is the violence in music today. However, violence in music has been around for a LONG time. Johnny Cash's famous 'Folsom Prison Blues' talks about him killing a man just to watch him die. Pretty hard core shit right there. But people LOVED him. And still do. (me included) Violence is a fact of life. We are in a war for crying out loud! It is legal to kill babies in many different countries! (including ours...lets not get into the abortion debate, but obv I am pro-life) The world is not a pretty place. It is up to the parents to decide what we teach our kids. You can't hide them from everything. Eminem (I have his new album so he is stuck in my head) got a lot of press for his violent music. He has songs talking about killing his ex wife and raping his mother. I get it, its bad. In his song 'Who Knew' he says, "But don't blame me when little Eric jumps off of the terrace. You shoulda been watching him, apparently you ain't parents". Gotta agree with him. Guns don't shoot themselves and music doesn't suddenly turn people into psychos. There was something there to help it along...

And then there is the sexuality in music. Before Juvenile was talking about backing asses up (and he didn't mean to move it outta the way) and before Lil Wayne was using handcuffs for different kinds of restraint there was a guy named Prince...and Prince had a song called Darling Nikki. Darling Nikki is a pretty dirty song...lets just say Nikki was promiscuous. And, like I mentioned before, KISS was talking about licking things..and they weren't talking about lollipops!! Once again I don't want my toddler listening to this stuff...but obviously at 13 he will know he is a boy and what boys can do with their...stuff. As parents Jason and I have to teach him how to respect women and to practice safe sex. (dear God I hope I don't have to worry about that when he is 13)

So here it is folks...I know the music isn't suddenly going to be a soundtrack to Mary Poppins. I know he will like whatever rapper or rocker is cool at the time. So when he is 12, 13, 14 years old...I am probably (I said probably) not going to worry too much about the cussing and sexuality or the violence. At that age he will know right from wrong and if he doesn't, Jason and I will have FAR more serious things to worry about. I think people (some...I know not everyone is like this) need to stop blaming the music, tv, and video games for bad kids. MAYBE it is the lack of parenting going on! I think it is up to the parents to teach their kids right from wrong and just because someone pops a cap in someone else in a song, does not make it right. (Duh) In the mean time...until my baby is not such a baby and is closer to a man...we will be travelling in silence..or with a lot of Justin Bieber on.