Happy Halloweenie!!!

It is my favorite time of the year...Halloween time. I love Halloween. My mom used to make all of my costumes (and the other siblings..but lets focus on me) and once I hit my teen years, I usually had more than one. (duh, because you can't wear the same costume to numerous parties) One year we even had our family pics taken around this time and were dressed up as witches and a goblin dude (bc Chance refused to be a witch...I dunno why). Anyways..point is...I love LOVE love Halloween. However, my past few Halloween's have been less than exciting...mostly due to my evil child..I mean, sweet angel.

Bowen's first Halloween he was four months old and sick. We put him in his lobster costume and took pics (so effing cute) and then in his pumpkin costume (again so cute). And called it a night.

The next year he and I were both pirates. He did not like his costume, he didn't like his hat, he didn't want to go get candy...but he did enjoy handing it out.

Last year he was supposed to be Leonidus from 300. How badass is that?!? He had the cape, a little brown diaper cover, I was going to pain abs on him...it was going to be EPIC. He refused to wear any of it. We didn't go trick or treating. (I...later that night...did manage to get molested at a club by the black version of Mr Rogers...it was an interesting night)

So this year I had high hopes. I had decided I was going to be Poison Ivy and I was assuming Bowen wouldn't care what he was so I was going to make him be Chuck Liddell. (I figured it was my last year to have a say in his costume choice so I wanted it to be something cool) THEN Bowen decided he wanted to be a monkey. I was NOT happy about this. A monkey?! That is as bad as being a banana or random food item. I looked and looked at monkey costumes. They were not cool. But Bowen was persistent. So I ordered one on Amazon. I was thinking 25 bucks for a costume. I spent 40. 40 effing dollars on a damn monkey costume.

Well Bowen has worn the damn thing like a 100 times already. He loves it and it makes him super happy so I can't complain. (except when he needs me to put the feet on 45 times in 10 minutes...or he has to take the WHOLE thing off to go pee...or the ears fall off 32 times in 6 minutes)

Anyways, Bowen is attending his first Halloween party. And he is excited about going trick or treating. So I am even MORE excited about Halloween. (Not to mention that my costume is BOMB and I will be one hot mama the night before Halloween when the adults get to go out! Woot!) Lets hope he takes us out of the last three years of shitty Halloweens...I need a good one. And I deserve it! Happy haunting ya'll!!

The Power of Words

I know I have mentioned it before, but it seriously trips me out that Bowen and I can now carry on a conversation. I swear it seems like yesterday that I was playing 50 questions (because 20 was not enough) with the kid to try to figure out if he wanted crackers or cookies. Now he tells me he wants crackers. Or he tells me he wants to go outside. Or he tells me to stop talking...yea...so obviously there is bad that comes with this GREAT gift of gab. Don't worry..of course I will share all the bad.

Explanations

Now this one isn't REALLY bad. Its just funny. Everything Bowen says starts out with because. For example, I asked him where his underwear were the other day. His answer, "Because I don't want them." Umm..cool...I hate wearing undies too...but that wasn't the question. Or when I asked him what he did at school today. "Because I was pwaying and someone scwatched my arm." He was referring to his scratch on his arm that he got on Sunday from the dresser drawer...so yea...not sure about this one at all. And when he gets REALLY excited this is what we hear, "Because...because...because...Insert random statement here". I can't wait till I get to use "BECAUSE I said so!!".

Repeating

So...this I knew was going to be a problem. If you know me, you know I can cuss like a sailor. (Hard to believe, I know.) Anyways, this isn't really new, its just been an adjustment for me to TRY to put a filter on. I STILL stand firm with the fact that I am an adult (swear to Jebus I am) and I can say any word I want to...he is the child (promise) and he is not allowed to say bad words until he gets out of my house. That is my belief. So if I want to say SHIT...I'm gonna say shit. And when he says shit, I'm going to tell him to stop. I don't want any comments about this way of thinking, (I get enough from Jason) this is the way its going to be. Anyways, Saturday Bowen made me carry him from the mall to the car. Bowen is half my size and weighs almost 40 pounds. I don't remember what he said but he said something to me when I was putting him in the car and my reply was, "Well its because I was hauling your heavy ass to the car!" And he said, "I not a heavy ass mommy." It was pretty funny. Not going to lie. However, hearing your kid drop the f-bomb, not as funny. (Still a little funny though) So like I said..I am working on a filter. And I have been doing a little better. Its a lifestyle change people..give me a break.

Um....

I'm not really sure what to title this one. When me and Bowen are arguing or I am getting onto him (which may be seen as yelling) Bowen has started saying things like, "I can't do this right now!" or "Stop talking!". Or he just tells me, "No yelling at me Mommy!" But sometimes..on very special occasions this is what happens...a finger goes to his lips and you hear, "Shhh." and then, "Stop talking mommy! I can't do this right now!" and then he stomps off to his room. I don't really know how to handle this...because most of the time I have to stifle a laugh. But sometimes (like last night) I have had enough and I tell him to get it together and stop doing whatever he was doing or he is going to bed. And sometimes (like last night) it works. Which is great. Because he stops and goes to his room..which allows me to laugh at him.

Loving Moments

And of course, there are the sweet moments when he says things like, "Give me smoochers mommy!" Or "I love you mommy". Or "I'm sorry mommy" ...those are the moments that make this whole talking thing so wonderful. So thank God the good comes with the bad and every now and then he will ask me for a smoocher or randomly tell me he wants to 'snug' me. Because if there was none of that, I would surely lose my mind.

The Burrito and The Babe

So..this is a few days late...but once you read, you will understand that I was just too tired to post anything.

I believe every parent deserves a night out. A night out that includes a drink or two or three. As long as the kids are safe and sound and taken care of..duh. So here is my tale of going out..and the next morning.

Saturday night I went out with some friends. We started out at Miller's Ale House, where I did not enjoy any ale, but did enjoy a fruity vodka and schnapps filled drink, then three captain and diets. (Umm..I was parched. Don't judge me.) THEN we decided to take a walk the strip. Honestly, I was kinda excited because I have really only walked the strip once and it was during the day.

While walking the strip a friend of a friend was getting those nudee baseball type cards that they hand out. Why..I have no idea. Anyways, SOMEHOW about 20 of them ended up in my purse without me noticing.

We ended the night relatively early and went home. I didn't have any reason to check my purse for anything so I still had not noticed the star covered ta-ta's hiding in my purse.

The next morning Bowen woke me up by poking me in the eye. It was 7:30. I went to bed at 4. I tried getting him to poke Jason in the eye...he did...Jason rolled over. I tried waking Jason up. He didn't. SO (unlike Jason) I sucked it up and got my aching head and feet out of bed to handle the ridiculously happy child.

So we get up and I am sitting on the couch, rehashing the nights events with a friend and realize if I am going to make it through the morning I am definitely going to need something greasy for breakfast. At 9:30 I had to wake Jason up and figured I'd try to drag him to breakfast with me. Jason wasn't having it. (the Rangers were playing in half an hour..so I understand..but we have TiVo..asshole) Anyways, I decide Bowen and I were going to go get a breakfast burrito and that was that.

Bowen and I were a hot mess. I had some baggy capris on that I wore when I 39 months pregnant, a hat, glasses, and last nights smeared make up. Bowen atleast had matching pj's but no shoes. Whatever...it was Roberto's...not a five star restaurant. So we walk in and go place our order. When the cashier tells me how much it is I reach into my purse for my wallet and out fly 25 nudee baseball cards. The cashiers face had a look of disgust/horror. And I am pretty sure my jaw dropped onto the counter. Then Bowen, who was sitting on the counter, picked up a card and asks, "Mommy, why her have stars on her boobs?"

So you see...there was no way I could recover. I couldn't brush it off and say, "It was a good night." because NOW my 3 yr old was holding a hooker's business card!!! I swiped all the cards back into my purse, paid the lady, took my burrito, and child, and ran.

THANKFULLY, Bowen did not have any more questions on that buxom babe's bod, because I bribed him with a coke. And he is 3...so..its not like he will be scarred or anything..BUT I, on the other hand, cannot ever go back into Roberto's. Thankfully, there is a Fausto's right across the street.

Not A Hill..A MOUNTAIN

Here is your warning....if you can't handle bodily functions talk..don't read.

Now that you have been warned...here goes...

Tuesday morning I got a call from daycare saying Bowen puked...alot. It was like 9:15..So Jason and I discussed who should leave work and he said he would. (I argued a lot. I feel like..as a mom..I should be the one home when the kid is sick. Number one, its my kid. Number two, mommys are better at comforting. Number three, I don't get grossed out over puke or shit..from him) Anyways, Jason takes Bowen home and I am checking in constantly...because I am not only concerned about my sick baby..but how Jason will handle him.

Jason and I are talking over an IM..this is the convo

J: Sooo Bowen is taking a nasty poo...

S: Eewwwww

ten minutes later

J: I have a story..

S: A good one or bad one?

J: Bowen just took the grossest poop. I knew it was going to be bad from the noise. So he finishes and stands up, looks in the toilet and smiles. Then comes over to me, his eyes all shiny with excitement and says, "I made a mountain!!!!"

Of course I thought it was HILARIOUS!!! Where the hell do kids come up with this shit??? (and not the literal shit..I know where that comes from) A mountain? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

So I come home a few hours later. Guess what he runs up to me and says...

"Mooommy!!! I made a MOUNTAIN!!!!"

I said, "A mountain of poo???"

He says, "YEP!!" and was so happy.

I wish things like a good poop made me that happy. Ohh to be three again!

Gold Star for Bowen

Yesterday we had our first parent teacher conference. OK...I would like to make it out that my child is this awful kid and that the teacher's are at their wits end...just so it could be more entertaining. However, (and thankfully) that is not the case. We had a new director take over our daycare and we also got a new teacher, so they had a meet the teacher's night.

Bowen's last teacher was awesome. I loved her. I felt great knowing that Bowen was in her class and she really seemed to get him. (like his awful morning moods and his serious hard headedness..not sure thats a word, but it is now) So I was interested to meet this new lady and see what she was all about. (Umm yea...didn't think she would be that great..not gonna lie)

So we show up to meet the teacher's night. Can I tell you how ridiculous we looked as a family? First, there was Bowen, who had on shorts and a fleece jacket (he HAD to wear it and I wasn't in the mood to argue) when it was 80 degrees outside. Jason was wearing khakis and a button down shirt, looking like Ward Cleaver. (I mean that with love, just trying to prove his preppiness) And then there was me....tights, black shirt, rasta hat, nose ring, tattoo blazing...(I got told I looked a lot like a French person yesterday..not the look I was going for, but whatever) I am sure the teacher was like wtf kind of motley crew is this. Anyways...we go in and she introduces herself. I think her name is Felina. Anyways she told us that Bowen is a great kid. That she uses him as a leader and for examples to the other kids. (not gonna lie, this shocked the shit out of me) And that he is great at picking up and helping out. (Oh really? Where is this kid at my house?) She gave me two bracelets he made for me. (I have never loved pipe cleaner and 3 cent beads so much in my life.) She also let us know that Bowen is really patient and spent a lot of time on the bracelets and that he builds awesome stuff with the blocks. (hello architect!) Did I mention that Bowen was in a piss poor mood at this thing and did NOT want to be there? So while she was complimenting how awesome and well behaved he was acting like a brat. As far as she went, she seemed really down to earth and like she got it. (you know what I'm talking about..it) She is a single mom of three (major props to her) and seemed really down to earth and made sure to let me know that if I needed anything or had concerns to let her know because we were a team. She made me feel comfortable with her, which is good because she didn't want me to go all mama bear on her ass. And I would have. Anyways basically my kid is BAD ASS and we are rocking at the parenting thing.

It was good to get some positive feedback. I am glad he is a good kid. My parents always got compliments about how wonderful we all were in public, so I am glad the tradition is continuing. Now what people don't realize is that we were little shits at home...and that tradition is carrying on as well. BUT its all good...keeps things interesting.

I Have A Kid (surprise, surprise)

Over the last few months it has become painfully clear that my baby is not a baby anymore. He is definitely a kid. (not even a toddler...a kid) It amazes me that just 6 months ago he was wearing diapers, always had a paci in his mouth, and not only expected, but NEEDED me to do basically everything for him. Let me tell you...a whole hell of a lot has changed.

Bowen is finally potty trained. Thank sweet baby Jesus! Its like having a raise. Now we only need a diaper at bed time and nap time and some times we can re-use them because he doesn't always pee in them. It is fan-frikkin-tastic! Plus I love seeing him run around in boxer briefs. He is like a little man!! (especially when he starts grabbing his junk...like wtf...we know its there guys, it didn't just disappear, leave it alone for a few)

You know, I was so excited for the independent stage so I could have a break. I was stoked to think that at some point I could tell Bowen to turn off his light, or pick up his toys, and he could do it without help. What I wasn't thinking of was how much longer everything takes. Now he wants to choose what he wears. (usually its just his undies, thank God) So I hold up two pairs...every morning its, "Bowen, batman or spiderman?" and he stands there, "Bowen...batman or spiderman...hurry up!"...more standing...and then this, "Spwiderman". And then he wants to put them on himself. First he puts both legs in one hole, I offer to help, he says no. Then he gets them inside out...once again I offer to help...nope. FINALLY he gets them right side out and both legs in both holes, but they are on backwards. I don't argue though because at that point 10 minutes have wasted away. He usually chooses a shirt...he doesn't care what pants he wears, he would definitely prefer not to wear any. (can't say that I blame him) I love that he is doing things on his own. Like before we leave for school he turns of the lights and the tv. He can be helpful, ya'll! But damn....sometimes you oversleep, haven't had a sip of caffeine, and these "wonderful" things take 20 minutes too long and you're at the end of your rope. (or is this just me?)

And one of the best things is that the kid can tell you shit...like shit you need to know AND it makes sense. Don't get me wrong, he still has the baby accent thing...you know what I am talking about...instead of chocolate milk its chwockwat milk, but you can actually communicate with him. The other night he had a tummy ache, know how I knew? HE TOLD ME!! He kept rolling around in bed and whining and I was pretty concerned so I asked him what was wrong (after I tried snuggling him and loving him) and he said, "My tummy hurts!" Swear to God, the heavens opened and the angels sang. Then it was just a matter of me fixing it. (wtf do you give a 3 yr old with a tummy ache? Pretty sure its not pepto, right?...I gave him prune juice...just asking though) And then the other night I gave him chicken nuggets and french fries for dinner and not only did he say thanks but then he asked me for ketchup! (the ketchup is new..he never asks for that..another sign of a kid)

It really didn't HIT me that he was a kid until this weekend when we busted out the home videos. We recorded Bowen singing the ABC's (so effing cute) and twinkle twinkle and then watched some of the stuff we had on the camera. OMG...I cried...like a total biotch. I mean there he was just 7 months ago, paci in mouth, shorter, rollier, talking to me about his "goldfish" we just bought him. SO adorable. And BABY-like. Now he smacks me and tells me to get him a cookie and when I stand up he is half my height. It is ridiculous how time flies. It seems like yesterday I was laying in a hospital bed crying because I didn't want to try to push the damn thing out anymore. And NOW he is a walking, talking force to be reckoned with. (no idea who he gets that from) Where has the time gone? And now I am sitting here getting all sentimental and teary eyed and counting down the hours till I can go to daycare and have him run up to me yelling "MY MOMMYS HERE" and give me hugs...damn kids ruin you.

Keep It In Your Pants, Kid!

The blog is back people!! Whooohooo! Oh...you're not that excited? Damn...well the hiatus is over. And it wasn't because I wanted to take one, but I had to. But what is really important is that it is back in action.

So where to begin???? So much has happened. Ok not really..its not like our lives are THAT full of fun and excitement.

Well....one thing that I wished I could have shared was Bowen's first "you show me yours and I'll show you mine" moment. It went a little something like this......

Jason was out of town for two weeks, so of course this would happen when I was all alone and had no idea how to deal. I went to pick Bowen up one day after school like usual. The normal teacher was there and then Miss Justice was there...she is usually gone by then, but I thought maybe they had just been busy or something. So I pick Bowen up and am ready to walk out the door when I hear this....

"Sarah...I stayed late because something happened with our kids."

Instantly I got all sweaty and flushed and started thinking the worst things imaginable. I managed to say...ok...what happened.

"Well..it was during nap time and I was trying to get one kid to go to sleep, so most of my attention was focused there. I didn't even see this happen, but Miss Terry walked in and saw my daughter with her pants down showing Bowen her goods and Bowen pulling down his pants..."

Ummm...wtf.

"I have no idea why she would do this! I mean, her dad and I are never intimate in front of her or anything! I am soooo embarrassed and sorry!"

I was in shock. I mean 3 years old!?!? I thought this happened when they were like 6 or something!

"Miss Terry walked in and saw it and we both explained to Tina and Bowen that we keep our privates covered up in our clothes and we aren't supposed to show them to anyone. Anyways, I am really embarrassed about all of this...I just wanted to let you know what happened."

So I finally speak up...sorta..because I don't know how to handle this. "Well..it was bound to happen I guess. Sorry your daughter had to be disappointed with her first look at manhood. Oh well...its always something right?"

And I grabbed Bowen and went to the car. I mean...wtf. Seriously. I know kids are curious and all that jazz. Bowen's hand is always down his pants..so I should have been expecting this. But of course, I thought I had a few years to prepare myself. Maybe we need to start discussing the birds and the bees??? (kidding of course)