Raising a boy can be a lot of fun. I mean we get to wrestle and beat each other up. And he isn't afraid to get a little dirty. And he is a mama's boy. (def the best part) But then there is the other side of things...the gross side of raising boys. And they are gross.
So potty training is over and Bowen is officially in big boy undies all the time (except for bed time). But omg..why does he have to have his hands down his pants ALL the time?? I know I have said this before, it didn't go anywhere, but I think (because obviously Bowen didn't listen) it is worth repeating.
And I swear to Jebus I can bathe Bowen and 5 minutes later he smells like a boy again. None of that sweet baby wash, just weird smelling boy!! ((The kid is clean, trust me, I bathe him every night..but there is none of that sweet baby smell that I loved so much!))
And then there is the random/weird/unnecessary information boys like to share.
Here are a few things I have heard lately..
"Mommy...I picked my boogies out. Here is one for you!"
"Mommy...poop came out of my heiney. I wiped it though."
"Mommy!! I just tooted and it smells!"
"I need a diet pepsi and chips and queso! And hurry it up!"
"Mommy! My peeeeenis is hard!" (Seriously...wtf do you say to that?!)
And thats just a few of the things that have gone on in the past 10 days. I should have known things would get worse when he peed this morning. Here is why...
I made Bowen go potty and while he was pottying I was getting his tooth brush ready. However, Bowen has horrible aim and was peeing on the top of the lid and I told him to push it down..so he tried, but peed on the floor! So I said Bowen like this and tried to help him, but he smacked my hand and told me he could do it. And then started laughing and his little penis moved up and down, which not only made him laugh harder, but made the pee go up and down all over the toilet. I mean, this all happened in like 35 seconds. It was ridiculous. And it was like 7:30 in the morning. It was like a warning that things would only get more awkward as the day went on.
And then he was in the shower tonight. I had just shut off the water and was getting the towel ready for him and I look over and he is, as usual, "inspecting" his junk. And then I hear this, "MOMMY!! I have balls in my penis!!" Umm....ummm...I just ignored it. Then this, "They're like marbles!!! FEEL THEM!!" I told him no and to stop touching his penis and that he needed to get out of the tub so he could get a new band aid. Thank heavens the band aid distracted him from his testicles. Seriously..wtf...what do you even say to this? And dear God, please please please please don't let him say something about his penis marbles tomorrow at school. I mean if the teacher DOES tell me that a convo like that comes up I will just explain that he wants to know about his anatomy..I mean..wtf am I supposed to do? LIE? I don't think so.
Anyways..I know this will get worse. I have two little brothers so I know how boys grossness only gets worse. But seriously..I was not prepared for this. Those stupid what to expect when you have a toddler and how to raise a boy bullshit ass books don't talk about penis marbles. Or smelly toots. All I can say is, my selective hearing has GREATLY improved.
And what the hell..he is my first..gotta learn somehow. The next boy will be raised by a much more knowledgeable and prepared Sarah.
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