I want to touch base on a million things. I have like 34 started blogs, but because I am the mother of a newborn and a seven year old. And also a significant other. I have not finished a fucking thing since January 19th of this year. Apparently, this is now the story of my life. So. While I have my littlest asleep in a BED and not on me or someone else for the first time since he has been born, I am going to QUICKLY share a little info about boobs. My boobs, more specifically.
With Bowen I did not breastfeed. When I first got pregnant, that was my plan. However, my 20 year old brain took over and I couldn't get past the fact that for the last however many years, my boobs had been a sexual tool. Not a tool for babies. So I opted out of breastfeeding. I got a lot of shit from those Les Leches League ladies about it, too. So much shit, in fact, that during my hospital stay and on my 19th visit from one of them, I yelled, "If you want him breastfed so badly, you whip a boob out and feed him." Plus side to that...they never came back. Now that I am older and a little wiser I realize that if breastfeeding is sexual, then a bottle is a dildo. How is that for a little perspective?
THIS time around I decided I was definitely going to breastfeed. Somewhere along my pregnancy I turned into this weird granola mommy and decided to, not only have an unmedicated birth, but that breast was best.
Here I am, 5 weeks in, and still on that breastfeeding bandwagon. And I am pretty proud of myself. There have been numerous times that I have thought I couldn't do it. Let me tell you why. Because like most things pregnancy and childbirth and newborn related...no one tells you the REAL truth. All I have ever heard was all of the amazing things about breastfeeding. And, honey, it is not all rainbows and sunshine and unicorns.
I read a million articles on HOW to breastfeed your baby. All of the different positions and the C hold and all that good shit. It all seemed pretty easy. Until I got my baby and decided to try to breastfeed. My nipples, all amazing and wonderful for my man's mouth, would not get hard for my baby's. So in labor and delivery the nurse threw me a nipple shield and sent me on my booby feeding way. I soon found out that there is a WAY to use the nipple shield. And I wasn't doing it. I figured it out and am somewhat of a nipple shield pro now. Thank Jesus. But let me tell you...nipple shields are a whole battle of their own. They are $10 a piece. They are these small, clear things...so when you lose one...they are lost for like ever. I think I have purchased six of them in 5 weeks. I am down to 2. Apparently nipple shields are like socks...they just vanish into the cracks of the house, never to return.
When my little man was in the hospital with me he was having some latching issues. In fact after a whole day of fixing his latch and him fussing for hours, the awesome lactation consultant came in with a bottle of glycerine water. She dripped a couple drops of this nectar of the gods onto my nipple and BAM...I had a perfectly latched baby. No one told me that was a quick fix. I cannot imagine what those three days before my milk came in would have been like without the ol' sugar water trick. I don't want to know. I choose to just live in the early depths of hell...not the deep, dark ones where those days would surely lie.
Another thing no one prepared me for was just how often and how long a breastfed baby eats. I recall nursing all day. Literally ALL DAY about three weeks in and sitting on the couch crying because I was exhausted, my nipples hurt, my shoulders hurt, and I had not one had a minute to myself without this little miracle screaming because he wanted to nurse. Come to find out...this is normal. And breastfed babies tend to nurse more. And there is a thing called cluster feeding. Never heard of it before then. But I know ALL about cluster feeding now. Sure would have been nice to be able to PREPARE for the hours upon hours of nipple use that would go on. But no one tells you about that.
Have you ever heard of the term 'niplash'? I hadn't until recently. Niplash is when a baby decides not to take a break from nursing and suddenly and energetically jerks his head around to look up, down, and all around the room. (Thank you Pinterest for that amazing definition) THIS is a real thing. And breastfeeding mama's should be told that niplash is a breastfeeding war wound. I had heard of mastitis and cracked/bleeding nipples. None of that sounded good...at all. But niplash...is it's own form of torture. I never knew nipples could twist and turn and bend and move like they can. I could not PREPARE (important word in this blog...because I feel if you could prep for the horrors and inconveniences to come you can manage them better) for niplash. Soon to be breastfeeding moms, you have been warned. You're welcome.
To go with the constant niplash I am getting, my son is a little baby shark. I even refer to him as baby shark. When he is really hungry...like I didn't automatically have a boob in his mouth...he attacks the boob. He moves his head from side to side and ATTACKS the boob like a shark attacking it's prey. It is funny, a little painful, and I have never seen anything like it before. I don't know if this is just my child or other babies, but the baby shark approach is something new to me.
A small, much less tragic, inconvenience of boob poppin' is the clothing issues. I seriously wear the same 4 or 5 things because they are the only tops that make breastfeeding possible. I don't want to sit around with my t-shirt up over both my boobs exposing the tummy I have not yet lost. So that means I am limited to tank tops. It is February. See the inconvenience? Thankfully I have some jackets and cardigans. However, I wouldn't mind wearing one of my numerous pre-pregnancy cute shirts...but that will just have to wait. For now, even my clothing is dictated by a little dictator. Thank God he is cute...because he sure isn't letting his mom get her cute on.
I don't think anyone can make you understand how time consuming breastfeeding is. I am reassured (repeatedly) that once the first three months are over, it becomes a breeze. More scheduled and you can actually lead a more normal life. Right now, I am literally boobs out all the time like some Amazonian woman in a National Geographic. (Luckily my boobs look pretty decent still and aren't dragging to the ground or have four inch long nipples.) All day long I start a task and then immediately get called away by the shrill screams of a hungry kid. Once the kid latches, it is impossible to go anywhere. I can plan for WEEKS to go to a meeting on a certain day, but if he gets hungry right before the store, then I am stuck. And he would choose to have an hour long booby binge on that exact day. I have adapted somewhat...meaning I can do almost anything one handed. You know you're a mom when you can poop while breastfeeding your child. I mean, when you gotta go, you gotta go. In fact, my sister who I call almost daily for something boob related said she is going to write a book about all of the things you can do with one hand. She breastfed my niece and is currently breastfeeding my nephew. She is totally a saving grace for me. I would be lost without her during these trying times. I guess you can say we are breast friends. (See what I did there?)
The last little thing I will touch on is the glares/glances/stares you get when breastfeeding. At home I don't cover up. My older son knows what breastfeeding is and we didn't want to make it weird. When you have a kid with autism you have to be serious and tell the truth about all things, whether it be boobs or where babies come from (Funny story about that.) So we opted not to hide the boob. He was really curious at first, now it doesn't phase him. And more importantly, we wanted him to know breastfeeding is natural. Moms were built to do this, that is why dads can't. So the first time we all went to the store as a family, the baby got hungry. Of course, because it was inconvenient as fuck, so why wouldn't he? So I walk down an empty aisle, whip out a poop, nipple shield on, and let the little man latch. I threw a blanket over my shoulder and we went on our way. Bowen asks, "Why are you covering the baby's head when you breastfeed?" (Breast is pronounced breeest....like high emphasis on the e's...for good measure. Makes me laugh.) Which led to us explaining that SOME people find it offensive when a mommy breastfeeds or they don't want their little kids seeing someone else's boob. Bowen doesn't understand this at all...because it is natural. One lady hears our conversation and says, "I'd totally support you if you didn't cover him up!" However, she is one of the few. I have to go to Bowen's school to pick him up and always end up having to feed Ender while I am waiting. I sit in my car and feed him uncovered. Let's face it, even with milk my boobs are not that big, so no one is getting a glance at some BIG ol' knockers as they walk by (plus my windows are super tinted). When I have to go get Bowen I put a cover over the baby and we go on our way. Well even with the cover I get a lot of sideways glances. As if you can see through the cover. It is ridiculous. I haven't had anyone actually SAY anything to me, just a lot of shitty looks. I think secretly I am hoping someone says a negative word about it so I can tell them to go fuck themselves. But nothing has happened yet.
Baby shark is starting to stir and I am sure his lips are smacking in waiting for his next meal. Anyone who tries to tell you that breastfeeding is a breeze is full of shit. Feel free to tell them I said that, too. I wouldn't change it for the world. The benefits (like being almost back to pre-pregnancy weight at 5 weeks postpartum) clearly outweigh the pain in the ass factor. However, it is a battle and some days I feel a lot less like a warrior and more like a POW. Regardless, I guess I will keep calm and let him latch on.
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