2015 is upon us and it has been well over a year since I have blogged. But let's be honest...2013, and especially 2014, have kind of sucked serious dick for skittles. In fact, I think it is safe to say that 2014 really tried to break this bitch down. And it came close. But you know what I always say (or have like once), don't fuck with me...I fuck back and I am much better at it than you. So take that, 2014.
I am not a New Year's resolutioner, I think it is setting yourself up for failure, and I am not a big fan of failing. But recently I have become a self improver. Part of my self improvement is getting back on my blog. Once upon a time I wrote some pretty witty shit. And now that I am about to be a mother of two little shits, I mean boys, I figure I should make a come back. (Even though I been here for years) If one kid was inspiration, two kids should get me on some sort of important/exceptional/impressive writer's of 2015 list.
SO brace yourselves for what is sure to be the most thrilling reads of 2015.
Just to catch you up on the year past, here are some highlights.
February...my baby daddy, Timmy, and I made it official and went from "just friends" to a couple. Apparently he really likes to give his "friends" special mustache attention. All I know is, it worked for me. And NOW I am carrying his offspring and we are living a modern American life. In sin.
April...Timmy, Bowen, and I moved in together. About three weeks later we were pregnant. This is why you need cable, people.
June....Owen Wilson (AKA Bowen) turned 7 years old. I feel like it is impossible to have a 7 year old, but I was reminded this year in a birthday card that I am pushing 30...so apparently it isn't that crazy.
July...we found out Bowen is autistic. Now all the nudity and flapping makes sense. And we have had a MUCH better school year this year. Thank the fuck. Quite a game changer, but for the better.
September...we found out our new addition is another BOY. I am officially overrun by penises.
October...I turned the big 28. Not exciting in the least...but I did get to celebrate another birthday, which is the tits. So there's that.
November...makes me sad all day. My Dad passed away. I would say, lost his fight to cancer, but he didn't lose at all. The man was a warrior. He blew everyone away with his strength and changed a lot of lives. I miss him every single day.
And now we are here...December. I am almost 38 weeks pregnant, but really the kid could come any day now. And I would be SO stoked if he would move that process on along. I am the size of a small beluga whale and I sweat a lot. It is not the business.
Anyways, there ya go, my year abbreviated.
I promise to include you in on the shenanigans that I encounter on the daily. Your life can use some humor and mine can use some...venting. Or at least a hobby. So grab a bevvie of your choice and settle in for a new year of raising kids and hell.
This is going to be the highlight of my days. I feel you on being surrounded by penises.
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