Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Come At Me Bro
Once upon a time I was a good blogger. I blogged every couple of weeks and it was filled with witty and hilarious life happenings. And somewhere along the way, I lost my wittiness. Just kidding. I am witty as fuck. I just have shit to do. People to see. And places to go before 2am because everything in this town closes by then. So...point being...the blog has suffered a smidge.
Since most of you goobers are on my facebook or twitter, you know I just did the Tough Mudder in Dallas last weekend. Everyone keeps asking all the details and how it was...soo here ya go. Because I am too lazy to individually text/email/private message all yall's asses.
First off...we had to wake up at 6am to get ready and drive the hour and a half to the location. If you know me at all, you know I am not a morning person in the least. I can't even tell you the last time I had to wake up before 7am. And you know I sure did put on a full face of make up before we went. In all honesty, it takes me 5-7 minutes to do my make up, so that wasn't even a big deal. Anyways, Bowen and my Mom and lil brother, Chance, all drove to BFE so I could do a race/obstacle course that I was sure was going to kill me. Like literally...I thought about writing a farewell note. 12 miles and 26 obstacles = death sentence. Anyways..I was nervous as hell. I peed like 5 times between 830 am and 10am. No joke. (I was told to drink a gallon of water a day...I suck at that...but that morning I did drink an energy drink and a bottle of water...so I was on my way to a gallon)
When it came time to go to the 10am group I met a 65 yr old dude and his daughter (she was in her 40s) who were doing the run together. And an ex-Marine whose team all backed out. And I suddenly felt better. Not sure why because all three of those people were in better shape than I am, but whatever. The point is, I met people who were in the same wave as me, and I felt a little less scared.
So to get the the start line you have to climb a wall. I was smart and went to the shorter one and climbed up the wall that had little steps on it, like a rock climbing wall. No point in wasting my energy on climbing a rope before I even got INSIDE the track.
I run on pavement...so this up and downhill and weird terrain shit was quite a challenge. And there was a lot of that. Our first obstacle was crawling through a mud pit with barbed wire overhead. Dominated that shit. (insert obscene gesture of your choice here) Lots of just running through mud, obviously because it is the tough mudder. The trick to those mud pits, I learned quickly, is high knees...and fast ones. Don't let your foot get stuck in that shit. Then there were these huge mounds of mud that you had to crawl over and then you fall into more mud before climbing the other one. Thank you Dallas SWAT team for helping me up and over all 5 of those bad boys. The cliffhanger was actually kind of scary...its just basically doing a high dive into cold, muddy water. Your shoes and clothes weigh a lot and it makes swimming hard as hell..and also...don't swallow the water..accidentally. There was lots of wading through ponds. Apparently some guy caught a fish in one of the ponds and carried it across the finish line with him. Needless to say, it smelled like dirty cat litter, which means so did every contestant. The arctic enema...obviously you can tell by the name that its not fun. Its just a HUGE ice bath. That you have to jump in, swim under a board, and then swim to the other side of those thing. I don't like to be cold...so I got up the obstacle and was standing there staring at this huge ice bath and saying, "No thanks. I'll bypass. Fuck this." But the guy next to me talked me into it. And the lifeguard too. He promised he would get me out if he needed to. And he needed to. Homeboy next to me counted to three and we jumped. And the ice water takes your breath away. Not in the fun I-Just-Got-Kissed-By-A-Tattooed-Dirty-White-Boy kinda way...but in the Holy-Shit-I-Am-Dying kind of way. So I freaked out. And the nice lifeguard lifted me out of the water. And then I had a few tears roll down my cheek because I was scared shitless and also because I felt like a huge vagina. But all of the other people waiting to do it were SUPER supportive and nice and gave me high fives and dap.
So anyways, there were a shit ton of obstacles. And lots more water. And 12 miles of it. I won't bore you with the fact that I walked the entire last 9 miles. And also that my knee got totally jacked up after the boa constrictor obstacle and so I limped my last half mile and also skipped the last two obstacle.
It was by far, the most challenging thing I have ever done. And it was SO fucking awesome being able to see people work together as a team and be so supportive of one another. Also, I really enjoyed the group of 6 guys who I always ended up with at every obstacle who made fun of one member for hitting on every single female around and also discussed porn stars. (We had some good convos, me and those boys) Tough Mudder supports Wounded Warriors and there were wounded warriors who participated as well. It legit brought a tear to my eye. I can't wait to start training (LEGIT training) for the next one and hopefully cut that 5 hours into 3. Either way, I am proud of myself for doing it. I am proud that I didn't quit. And yea...go me!! (cheerleader toe touch)
I also started a new job on Monday. I hate being the new kid. And also, I hate not being able to threaten fighters with a stapler to the face or a throat punch. I am working on this whole, covering my art thing. I didn't ever have to worry about my tattoos showing before. And I have to tell you, my style isn't really the covering up my breasticles type of style. I mean, my boobs may be little, but that Victoria's Secret bombshell bra makes them fierce. (It also can be used as a pillow..for future reference) Anyways, being the new kid sucks dick for skittles, but it is a receptionist position, not rocket science, so that helps. (math and science were never my strong suits) Everyone has been super nice which makes it even better. AND...I'm getting a paycheck which is the most important thing. Ya know, Mama needs new shoes.
So that is the latest and greatest news. Bowen is doing well in school, except for throwing a pencil at his teacher today. I'd be mad, but she is not my favorite person. At all. DON'T get me wrong, he got in trouble, but I also laughed a little.
I'll work on blogging more. Maybe when I come home from the bar with my Jack in the Crack or Whataburger after leaving the bar on a Saturday night. THOSE would be some entertaining blogs. We should test that some day. Haha Kisses and hugs and whatnot.
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