This...Is My LIfe...(but not as Liz)

(obviously an old pic..but SO cute!)

Let me just say...the Holmes/Watson household has been busy. So busy that the living room is STILL littered with crayons and torn out color book pages, an empty bowl of snack (either goldfish or cheez-its), a plethora of McDonald's toys, 4 or 5 pairs of shoes, Bowen's underwear and pants from last night, and a few throw blankets. I won't even get into the kitchen or laundry area which seem to have become one massive conjoined area....like I said, lets not get itno it. Anyways...the reason my house is a disaster is because...well....there has been a lot going on.



Jason has been working every day for the past 3 weeks. Including weekends. So he is exhausted which means very little gets done by him after work. And then the fact that he is working so much and I am dealing with this rambunctious three year old all by myself means I am exhausted...which leads to me doing very little housework. (And honestly..this is not a new thing..before Jason, my little apartment was a constant mess) And also this means Jason is whiney and tired and whiney (yea..it requires two whiney's) which makes me annoyed. Really...he just needs this show to get over so we can go back to him being the one that balances my ridiculous moods and emotions. And also so ONE of us will work on this ridiculous apartment.



AND....I got a promotion this week!!! SO excited. As soon as we find a new receptionist I will be a travel coordinator! So this is a huge step up for me and I am really excited about the new challenges! I mean..I have been a receptionist for the past 6 years..its time to move up in the business world! So booyah bitches...here I come!



AND....we found a house to rent!! Jason and I are both so tired of being crammed into our apartment. And even more tired of the shitty upstairs neighbors we have. It's like they run sprints up and down their apartment. The pictures on the walls literally shake every night because of them. And I understand they have kids...but really...the running and jumping and whatever should NOT be happening from 6 am to 1 am...no no...it should not. Anyways...my awesome house detecting skills found a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath house near where we live now for only 100 bucks more than what we are currently paying. And when we went to look at it..well it was perfect for what we needed. So today we signed the lease. We get out keys April 15th, which means I can paint that whole weekend, and then our official move in date is April 25th!! SO EXCITING!!!! Housewarming party sure to come.



AND we are going to see the Rangers play a spring training game tomorrow. Now I know its spring training..and I WISH it was opening day..or just a regular season game. But some of us are poor because are children are sucking us dry (of money, time, energy...life). Anyways, spring training is perfect. Perfect for my master plan. Which involved Josh Hamilton. And if Josh doesn't work out then CJ Wilson. And if, for some strange reason, CJ doesn't work out, there is always Ian Kinsler. Anyways..this master plan may cause me to spend a night in the Maricopa County Jail..but whatever.



And really that is all that has happened. But it all happened THIS week. (except for Jason working so much...that has been the entire month of March) No horrifying stories of Bowen telling someone to eff off or punching anyone in the face. Which is a good thing! He does seem to hate Jason a lot lately...but I don't know what to say about that. It's good to be the favorite!! However...I do realize that my favorite-dom is short lived and before I know it he will hate me and love Jason.



So, ya'll, the Holmes/Watson household is moving on up. New jobs, new houses, new...paint. It has been a good week. And after all the shit we have been through in the last year, we deserve it! So take Thumper's advice right now and if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say nothing at all. Because if it isn't nice, I will find you...and cut you....with my box cutter. :-)

LYING Is Bad...You EVIL EVIL People

To all those parents who told me the "terrible twos" were the worst time ever. Ya'll lied! ALL OF YOU ARE LIARS!! And I hate you all. (kidding..sorta) Let me tell you...the two's ain't got shit on the three's. Seriously. EFF THE THREES!!!

Don't get me wrong...Bowen's two's did start out a little rocky. He threw his fair share of temper tantrums and had melt downs at very inopportune times..like the grocery store or the middle of a casino. BUT...really..they are nothing compared to what we are dealing with now.

Last night..for example...Bowen didn't want to take a bath. So Jason threatened to take away something and that didn't work and then he picked him up to force him to go to the tub and he began his flailing and thrashing around thing. Normal for him. Except this time he added this ear drum bursting squeel. SO that landed him on a break aka a time out aka Mommy wants to beat your ass but Daddy is handling things so she cannot. And he did not just do this screech once. Oh no, no...he did it like 6 times..in a row. (Did I mention I was trying to nap on the couch while this occurred? Did I also mentioned that I do NOT wake up well on a normal day, let alone like THAT?)

But the screeching bullshit is not even the tip of the Bowen Bullshit iceberg. He suddenly hates going to bed. (I thought I had like a year or two before this started) He is scared of shadows, and then there is always a noise, and his tummy grumbles. So in the beginning we really thought he might be scared of the shadows, but with his two night lights, its lit up like the fourth of effing July in there..there can be no shadows. And we KNOW there is always a sound because our upstairs neighbors are constantly running relays or bowling or something up there. Anyways..for the past two nights I have gone in there and then Jason goes in there and then we just give up. And I get to listen to a seriously pathetic, "Mooooooommmmmmyyyyyy! MOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYY!!" incorporated with a cry for like 5 minutes. WTF? Go. To. Sleep. Go to sleep before mommy sits on a break by herself and cries her own self to sleep.

Its not just going to bed that causes a meltdown, it is whenever we ask anything. Seriously...I am being punished. I can handle the sigh and eye rolling from a teenager who doesn't want to take out the trash or clean their room. But this full on leg kicking, crying, yelling shit from a 3 year old who doesn't want to pee and brush his teeth in the mornings is not working for me. Any time he has to get off the computer or turn off a movie it's the same thing. And he is STUBBORN. If we try to pick him up out of a chair or off a bed he turns himself into a 90 pound kid...who is stiff as a board. It is a serious work out dealing with him.

And it is so much worse when they can talk back. "I don't know how" and "I don't want to" are very common things out of Bowen's mouth. (along with poop and butt...everything is a butt. If he doesn't like you, you are a stinkbutt or poopbutt. Guess its better than being an asshole) I didn't think they started arguing or telling you no this early. Obviously this was not something they put in baby books. (probably bc it would scare ALL expecting mothers and the abortion rate would spike) I said, "Bowen you need to go potty so we can leave." Bowen, "But I don't know how." Wtf? Me: "Bowen go pee so we can leave. Right now!" Bowen: "But I don't want to!!" OMG.....I am pretty sure this is when I drag his screaming heiney to the bathroom and force him to pee by telling him I am going to dunk his head in the potty. (ok I have never used that threat, but it has crossed my mind) Anyways...fact of the matter is...his new attitude has made everything..EVERYTHING...take 10 times longer. And I need everyone to hustle. I am one of those moms yelling, "Hurry up!" and "Let's go!!" and "MOOOVE IT!!!" every morning. Or any time we need to do something. I just hate it when people don't have the same urgency to get shit done as I do.

Really my list of crap that goes on with this child on a daily basis is far too much for me to type. I don't want to risk getting carpal tunnel or anything. And I have probably left out some of the more serious moments...like I blocked them out of my mind for fear of really losing all sanity. So this was just to give you an idea of what I am dealing with.

The point is...when Bowen was 2 he still had a binkie..which I used often make him shut up. And now he does not. When he was two, his vocab was limited, so he didn't talk back. Not the case anymore. When he was two I did eeeeeeeeverything..there was no "I can do it" or "I don't want to", just me getting shit done. NOW...those are mere memories that I visit in my mind when I am wishing for easier days. So to all you bitches...I mean parents...who said the two's are really terrible...you are all full of shit. And should have something (like the toy train next to me) thrown at your head. AND I KNOW some of you parents of older kids are going to tell me that this is nothing compared to the teen years. Guess what....at this rate he will be in reform school by the time he even gets NEAR his teen years, so I couldn't give a shit less what the teen years are like. I am only interested in the NOW.

Sigh.

So that is all. Since I can't take my frustration out on the angelic, sleeping three year old in the other room. And Jason has had to resort to beers at night. I must take it out on all you lying parents out there. And I feel the need to remind you that you did lie. So stop it. It is not nice. And you deserve a break. (Not a break like a smoke/drink/nap break...a time out break)

This mommy is headed to a break of her own. I am taking an allergy pill that will hopefully send me off to dreams of an island getaway free from people shorter than me calling me mommy and asking for shit. This island getaway I will be the only sending out orders and requests. Awww...blissful dream land.

And Thats How It Is!!!!

((((Baby Bowen munching on an apple only 2 short years ago))))




I made an announcement on facebook last night..a very important one. No...I am not engaged. No......we are not expecting. We are doing the whole "eat what we cook or go hungry" thing again.

I think I mentioned this before, but I ALWAYS said I would never put up with a picky eater. My parents didn't...and I am not a short order cook. Let me eat my words right now. Because I DO put up with a picky eater. And I HAVE turned into a short order cook. And I am taking a stand!!!

OK Jason and I "tried" this last year...but Bowen went like 3 days without eating and I caved in. But this time..I am a meaner mom...I am more stubborn than my 3.5 year old brat. And damn it..I WILL win!

Last night I made spaghetti. I knew Bowen wouldn't eat the marinara, so I tossed a little bit in EVOO (c'mon Rachel Ray fans) and added a little parmesan. And then I cut up an apple. So the kid ate like 5 big slices of apple...no spaghetti..but I was SO excited. This was a huge step for the kid who eats nothing but chips, queso, crackers, popcorn, and happy meals. (I take the blame. I don't want to hear any of your shitty comments telling me how I am failing as a mom. I KNOW.)

So today I gave him some mashed potatoes, green beans, steak, and apple slices again. And again..he ate the apples. Jason was pretty excited about this because he missed out on last nights dinner. Obviously I am really excited about the apples. That is a great thing. BUT what if he ONLY eats apples.

Ok and let me admit this...Bowen gets a "snack" every night while reading books. Last night I let him have peanut butter and crackers and tonight he had a few croutons. (which made his breath small like the dirtiest mouth ever) I don't feel like this is cheating. I mean Bowen announced (rudely) that he wanted a happy meal. And I said NO. Yeah...that's right..a big NO. See...I can hang. Things are different.

Anyways...we are on day 2. I am just worried about what's going to happen when I don't put apple slices on the plate. He may starve. ((ok..really..he takes after his mom and could live off of his thighs for a few days..weeks even))

So...that, my friends, is how it is. Bowen is living off of apple slices and three croutons. And I am winning!! (Like Charlie Sheen...but less wasted and waaaay more normal and safe)

Make It Stop

Here are two pics...one of Bowen now...and one of my sweet baby Bowen...well he was about a year old in the second picture. I can't believe how much he has grown! WHICH is the cause for today's blog.

One of the best feelings ever is when you go pick your baby up from daycare and they see you, stop everything, and run to you, arms wide open and give you a big ol' hug! I normally do not get to experience this very often, Jason does the picking up from school and I do the dropping off. (And to be honest, the dropping off sucks...I have to deal with tears and "mommy don't weaaaave me!"..he gets the hug) Yesterday I picked Bowen up from school and got the biggest hug ever! And after I got my hug I picked him up and he put his chubby little hand on my cheek, looked into my eyes, and said, "Mommy, I so happy you're here." O.M.G. MELT MY HEART!!!

I have been having serious issues with this whole baby growing up thing. I mean, in a few short months Bowen will be 4 years old!!! It is like so much has changed already and I am not really ready to let go of the "baby"..I want to keep him around for a while longer. Don't get me wrong..I love that we don't have binkies or diapers or bottles...love that...but I miss the sweet little rolly poley too! Even Jason has recently said, "This boy is getting too big!" So I must not be the only crazy one.

Now..I hate to be the sentimental sweet mommy...but this new birth control has actually made me MORE sentimental than normal...so..let me tell you how it has been.

Bowen and I got to spend all day Sunday together. And I loved every minute of it. We went to lunch at Chimy's and had some chips and queso. Then we went to find Jason a new shirt for his birthday. Bowen didn't even want his stroller he wanted to walk. (Which was good and bad) We were in Macy's looking around at shirts and all of a sudden he grabs his butt and says, "I HAVE TO POOP!!!". Of course there wasn't a bathroom nearby so I picked him up like a football, and RAN to the food court. While running with him (Which was more like a retarded jog bc the kid weighs 40 pounds and was moving) he is yelling, "HURRY MOMMY!! THE POOP IS GOING TO COME OUT!!!". (This is what made me miss the stroller) We made it to the bathroom and I get him on a toilet. And he starts singing the ABC's. And then he was talking about everything from his shoes, to my purse, to the fact that Mommy's and Daddy's poop too. FINALLY he finished up and turned around to flush, but first, had to announce that his poop was green. (No idea wtf he has been eating) After the pooping we went back to find a shirt. He would hide in the racks and sing, "Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.", and then I had to say, "If you don't, I don't care, I'll pull down your underwear!". I am SURE the Macy's customers thought we were crazy. But every time I said underwear he would laugh HYSTERICALLY! So it was worth it.

It's not even these BIG moments that make it seem like Bowen is growing up way too fast, but the little things. Like how he used to play with my hair when he was sleepy, now he plays with his own. How he used to snuggle with me on the couch...now he wants his own pillow. And, of course, he can do everything by himself. I knew all of these things would come..I just didn't think it'd happen so fast. Some days I just want to freeze time and savor every sweet second. (holy shit...I am scaring myself with the mushiness)

While these moments probably seem disgusting and obnoxious to many, I definitely think they are amazing. Before I know it he won't even be seen at the mall with me! And obviously I enjoy the after school hugs more than the mall/poop/running thing. I am looking forward to the first day of school (kind of), the first time he rides a bike (I think), and maybe even prom (MAYBE). I just can't believe he is such a big boy already! Time really does fly...and I would like it to stop.