I've said it a million times before..and I will say it a million more...mornings in my home are not fun or good or even smooth. No, no...they are most definitely the worst time of day.
I am NOT a morning person. AT ALL. I hate when the alarm goes off..in fact, if my alarm wasn't my phone, I am 100% sure there would be a pile of smashed alarm clocks in the corner. Thankfully...I love my phone..therefore I have yet to smash it.
Bowen, the lovely boy that he is, has the same hate as his mother of mornings. In fact...he may be slightly worse. This morning, my alarm and Jason's alarm went off in seconds of eachother..when we both FINALLY got to the snooze button Bowen raised one arm up and angrily said, "Quiet it down in here!". If I hadn't been SO damn tired, I would have giggled. Most mornings this is what happens..I get almost completely ready (make up on, hair dried, his lunch packed, my lunch packed) and then I go lay in bed with him and say OH SO SWEETLY (for real), "Hey little boy, its time to wake up." Which is instantly greeted with a flailing arm to the face, or whatever other body part is near him, and a screeching, "NOOOO!!!! ITS NOT TIME TO WAKE UP!!!!" I give it like...23 seconds..and say, "Come on Stinky Boy..I will put a video on and you can have a snack." Normally that works. If it doesn't, then I am met with another screeching, "Its not wake up time!!! I still sweeeping!!!". Eventually he wakes up, asks for a video, and a snack. From there on..its not horrible. I pause the movie so he can pee and brush his teeth. Give him cheetos or doritos or dry cereal..whatever snack he wants, and a juice box or milk. And get him dressed. He likes to "help" open the door and turn off lights..so that slows things down..but atleast he isn't screaming or throwing a fit.
Then there are days like today...I had his diaper bag, my bag, my purse all in arms, plus a set of keys in hand and was ushering Bowen out the door. (Did I mention I was running 5 minutes behind schedule?) And Bowen announces, "I have to poop!!!" And runs to the bathroom. WTF? NOW?!? He couldn't hold it 5 minutes until we got to school?? So I dropped everything on the floor and asked if he needed help. He wanted the little Thomas toilet topper thingy, so he wouldn't fall in. And of course, its nowhere to be found. So I told him I would help him on..and not let him fall. He FINALLY (after arguing) says, ok. Then tells me to go away..but meant for me to stand in the doorway..so he could tell me..repeatedly...that he was not going to fall in. And then...in between strains..about how he is a big boy and poops on the potty chair and mommy poops on the potty chair..and then where is Jason?
I swear the kid took like 10 minutes. And then he peed on his shirt. So I ran to find a new shirt...he jumped off the toilet and I walked into the bathroom to see him bent completely over..hands on the rug..with his ass in the air. And he says, "You can wipe my heiney now." Once my eyes were not blinded but his white heiney in the air, I did. And got him re-dressed. And then we could leave.
Why do kids have the WORST timing ever with their bodily functions? Last week he had to poop as soon as we walked into The Home Goods store. Any time we go anywhere..dinner..breakfast..shopping...he has to go. I think he does it as a secret plot against me. Evil child!! ((Can't you see the evil oozing out of him in the picture?? No? Weird. Must be because you're evil too))
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