I am sitting here on the couch with my gorgeous three month old kicking me and my amazing seven year old making popcorn, when I hear from the kitchen, "I am the awesomest boy in the world! Me and Ender are the awesomest boys in the world!!" And I smile. Because they are. I have always wanted to be a mom, since I can remember. When I was a kid I wrote terrible little stories about being a mom of eight kids and driving a minivan. Obviously a lot has changed. I mean...a minivan...get the fuck outta here with that. But me wanting to be a mama has never once changed. (Maybe not eight kids though. My uterus just tried to crawl out of my body at the mention of that.) So with this grand plan for my whole entire life of being a mom, I wonder why I didn't pay MORE attention to my parents and other parents. Because, it was brought up today that children learn about being a parent, from their parents.
Bowen was talking to me about being a parent. Here is our little conversation.
Me: Bowen what do you think you have to do when you are a mom or dad?
B: Feed and water your kid. Give them love and care. LOTS of love and care.
Me: How do you know how to love and care for your kid?
B: I don't know, I will probably learn a little in school. But mostly I will learn from you. Yea. I will just learn how to love and care because I watch you. ALL. THE. TIME. I can't talk about this anymore. I have to poop. I'm about to explode from poop.
Wow...so once you get past the image of a child with explosive shit...what he said was really impacting. Our kids are watching us all the time. (Kids are jerks) And they learn from us. I mean, you truly cannot live by the, "Do as I say, not as I do" motto, it doesn't really work. Studies show that if you smoke, your kids are more likely to smoke. But even without studies, common sense and videos on YouTube show that if you cuss, your kid will probably cuss (sigh...I am fucked then) and if you do inappropriate things, your kids will probably follow suit.
I know there are a ton of things I can work on as a parent. And if you don't think that YOU have things to work on, you are up Denial's stream without a paddle. One of the things I said I would NEVER do as a parent is yell. My Dad was a yeller and I hated it. Lo and behold, I popped out a kid and soon found out, I followed in those exact footsteps. I can say that I have really been working on that a lot over the last few months and it has definitely come close to a stop. But there are days when I do yell. Mostly because you can only repeat yourself 963 times before you lose your shit. And also because I am human, which means I am not perfect. Some days I have no patience. Some days I cry in front of my kids. Some days I don't give them the attention they want. And some days I am completely selfish and their wants (whether it be to snuggle or talk about a video game) are put on the back burner. Fact of the matter is, every day is a day I can improve. And knowing is half of the battle. Or so they say. (They seem to be really big know it alls.)
There are a million other things I want to be known for as a parent. I want my kids to tell me that I was patient and kind and understanding and open minded and fun. I want my kids to see me as reliable and accountable and helpful. There are so many things I want to be as a parent and I HOPE that I am showing my kids that.
So...the moral of this story is...our kids are listening and watching and learning from us. And I heard it straight from a kid. Apparently reminders to "Be on your best behavior" should go both ways. Every day is a day we can change and improve and I just got the proverbial face slap to remind me of that. Now, I must go and deal with the child who doesn't speak, but actually does have explosive poop going on.
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