Poop Filled Life Lessons

I am sitting here on the couch with my gorgeous three month old kicking me and my amazing seven year old making popcorn, when I hear from the kitchen, "I am the awesomest boy in the world! Me and Ender are the awesomest boys in the world!!" And I smile. Because they are. I have always wanted to be a mom, since I can remember. When I was a kid I wrote terrible little stories about being a mom of eight kids and driving a minivan. Obviously a lot has changed. I mean...a minivan...get the fuck outta here with that. But me wanting to be a mama has never once changed. (Maybe not eight kids though. My uterus just tried to crawl out of my body at the mention of that.) So with this grand plan for my whole entire life of being a mom, I wonder why I didn't pay MORE attention to my parents and other parents. Because, it was brought up today that children learn about being a parent, from their parents.

Bowen was talking to me about being a parent. Here is our little conversation.

Me: Bowen what do you think you have to do when you are a mom or dad?

B: Feed and water your kid. Give them love and care. LOTS of love and care.

Me: How do you know how to love and care for your kid?

B: I don't know, I will probably learn a little in school. But mostly I will learn from you. Yea. I will just learn how to love and care because I watch you. ALL. THE. TIME. I can't talk about this anymore. I have to poop. I'm about to explode from poop.


Wow...so once you get past the image of a child with explosive shit...what he said was really impacting. Our kids are watching us all the time. (Kids are jerks) And they learn from us. I mean, you truly cannot live by the, "Do as I say, not as I do" motto, it doesn't really work. Studies show that if you smoke, your kids are more likely to smoke. But even without studies, common sense and videos on YouTube show that if you cuss, your kid will probably cuss (sigh...I am fucked then) and if you do inappropriate things, your kids will probably follow suit.

I know there are a ton of things I can work on as a parent. And if you don't think that YOU have things to work on, you are up Denial's stream without a paddle. One of the things I said I would NEVER do as a parent is yell. My Dad was a yeller and I hated it. Lo and behold, I popped out a kid and soon found out, I followed in those exact footsteps. I can say that I have really been working on that a lot over the last few months and it has definitely come close to a stop. But there are days when I do yell. Mostly because you can only repeat yourself 963 times before you lose your shit. And also because I am human, which means I am not perfect. Some days I have no patience. Some days I cry in front of my kids. Some days I don't give them the attention they want. And some days I am completely selfish and their wants (whether it be to snuggle or talk about a video game) are put on the back burner. Fact of the matter is, every day is a day I can improve. And knowing is half of the battle. Or so they say. (They seem to be really big know it alls.)

There are a million other things I want to be known for as a parent. I want my kids to tell me that I was patient and kind and understanding and open minded and fun. I want my kids to see me as reliable and accountable and helpful. There are so many things I want to be as a parent and I HOPE that I am showing my kids that.

So...the moral of this story is...our kids are listening and watching and learning from us. And I heard it straight from a kid. Apparently reminders to "Be on your best behavior" should go both ways. Every day is a day we can change and improve and I just got the proverbial face slap to remind me of that. Now, I must go and deal with the child who doesn't speak, but actually does have explosive poop going on.

Stay At Home Mom Thoughts

Back in the day, I was a single, full-time working mom. I usually had two jobs to make ends meet. And I always seemed...or felt...like I had it together. Now, I am a stay at home mommy of two kids and I feel like I have nothing together. I mean, the laundry is never caught up. I almost always need to vacuum (ok in my defense, our carpet right now is dark blue, so everything shows up) and at least one, usually both, of the bathrooms need to be cleaned. Nowadays, I feel pretty secluded, unless I get out for a meeting for an hour a few times a week...so literally most of my conversations are one sided and about poop. Probably the hardest thing for me is not contributing financially. I feel like I have put a huge burden on my significant other and, as a partner, I want to carry my fair share of the load.  I have a lot of time to think about this stuff and I think about it every day. Like magic, today I ran across this article about some common stay at home mom complaints. I could relate to so many of the things in this article on so many levels. Needless to say, I am hoping I am not alone and I have a friend or two who gets it.

So I just spent 15 minutes typing up my mom complaints. They ranged from not feeling like I am doing something important or goal oriented anymore. I mean, cleaning a bathroom and doing the laundry doesn't quite give the same satisfaction as meeting a deadline and doing it to perfection. To having days where I am so over being needed ALL the time. Like if I am asked one more question or cried at one more time, I am going to cry. And the days where nothing is going right...the baby is super fussy, my boobs are aching, the oldest one is having meltdowns, and my significant other is stressed and I can't fix it, then to top it all off, the electricity goes out.

Then I deleted it all.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that I am able to stay at home with my kiddos. I was never able to do that with Bowen. I went back to work when he was three months old and it was really hard. I felt like a bad mom. Not many moms, especially nowadays, are able to stay with their little ones. I am SO lucky to be able to do that. It takes away a lot of stress for me to be available in case Bowen gets sick or has an appointment. Plus, and most importantly, we don't have to worry about these psycho daycare workers hurting or mistreating one of our kiddos. (That seems to be in the news WAY too often now) And, with the crazy expense of daycare, it just doesn't make financial sense for me to work. I'd be working to pay for two kids to be in daycare. But most importantly, I am so glad I can spend this extra time with my kids. I love snuggling with the baby in the mornings. I love that I have a drop off and pick up routine with Bowen. I love that I can hug and kiss my kids at any time during the day. I really have it made with this stay at home mom-dom.

But it seems to me, that if a mommy says, "Holy shit, being home with kids all day is challenging!" we get the third degree. "You have it made" and "You are so lucky" and "I NEVER got to stay home with my kids, I wish I had it so easy" among other things are the retorts we get. And that fucking blows. Sometimes, we just need to vent. Sometimes, we need a break from boogers and diapers and back talk. Sometimes, we need to know we can be more useful than the maid/laundry machine/personal chef. And it may seem trivial to those of you who are working...and maybe it is in the grand scheme of things...but this is what goes through my head. As in most things, a little support goes a long way.

When did it become such a bad thing to admit that parenting is a challenge? Or for someone to admit that motherhood, especially being a mom who is home with her kids all day every day, is hard? And to say that sometimes you need a break? And WHY do we need to justify our feelings!?!

I keep reading and hearing about this mom shaming stuff and apparently it is alive and well, because I feel it!! And honestly, most of it is self imposed. I worry that if I mention any of the daily feelings and stressors I will get rained down on and made to feel worse. Why do other moms feel they have the right to talk shit or shame someone for feeling the way they feel? THAT, my dear mommies, is not the business and that shit needs to stop right now.

ALL parents know that parenting is anything but easy. It is the most challenging (rewarding, yes, but still challenging) thing we have probably ever done. As the song says, "What the world needs now is love" and we DO. We need some support and some understanding. A pat on the back every now and then. Moms and Dads alike!! We would't want our little ones to be treated, judged, and downsized like I mentioned before, so why do we do it to ourselves? It is true, kids learn from your actions. So...let's keep that in mind ladies and gentleman, and make things just a smidgen easier on ourselves and a ton better for our kiddos. Just a little food for thought.

Now I have to go make some food for tummies.