((This pic was on meet the teacher night, a few days before school started. I should have known then that kindergarten was not going to be a cake walk with him.))
I officially have a kindergartner. We are starting our third week of school and so far it is much better than the last two weeks. Most of you follow me on facebook and twitter and have listened to me cry and bitch because my kid cried for the first two weeks of school every time I dropped him off. It is not a fun way for me to start the day. It makes me sweaty, sad, and have anxiety and then I seriously contemplate chugging my bottle of Jameson at 8:30am in the school parking lot. Anyways...rather than bore you with the first day of school stories I am just going to explain things I witness and notice at school.
1. I love that our school is next to a Lee's Discount Liquor. And just a block away from that is Taco Bell. Seriously..prime fucking location for this school. I really am going to go into the liquor store one Friday night to see how many Pinecrest Academy staff members are pushing around carts full of booze. Fuck it...I'll buy a bottle for them. They deserve that shit.
2. I've known this for awhile, but fuck me, mom clique's are the worst. I would rather deal the bitches back in high school than the mom groups. I literally hang out with the dad group because they are mellow. Most don't talk at all. And there is no cattiness. Yea ho...I can see you giving me the stink eye from across the playground...don't hate because you're wearing a velour sweat suit and crocs and I'm rocking platform heels and skinny jeans..I will cut you.
3. Speaking of moms...some of them suck dick for skittles. There is one mom who is a stay at home mom ((listen not hating on staying at home, that is something I could not handle, but hear me out))...she has one kid, who is now in full day kindergarten and then goes to the after school program. And she is bitching because she just can't find the time in the day to get everything done. Yo, bitch...get off your ass, stop watching The View, and fold some fucking laundry. And DO NOT come to me with that shit...I work full time and raise a kid on my own with zero fucking help. Suck it up ho. ((Umm..sorry for the rant..kinda..not really..)) Because of this lady, I switched over to the dad's group. Thankfully, I have been accepted with open arms..and wide eyes. haha
4. I really do not like MOST other children. There are a few that are SO sweet ((one little girl told a new girl that she was beautiful this morning. I wanted to hug her)) However, most other kids are annoying and obnoxious. Swear to Jesus if my kid acted like some of those kids I'd put him in military school starting now. Kids just running around and pushing other kids for no reason, screaming for no reason, talking back...hell no..I would put that shit to an end real fast. And of course, most of these kids have mom's in the mom group not watching them. Go figure.
5. They should have a Starbucks (for all your coffee drinkers) and an energy drink stand at every school for us parents who stand with our kids and wait for the bell to ring. ((Bowen has a little separation anxiety so I stay like the good mommy I am)) I drink my energy drink..and by drink I mean guzzle...while listening to whiney, bratty kindergartners and their whiney, shitty mothers every morning. I mean, where is my incentive for doing the right thing and staying with my sweet, loving baby and not just handing him over to some random teacher while he has snot running down his face from crying and is bawling like I just pinched the shit out of him? WHERE IS MY INCENTIVE?! ((i know...peace of mind and good feelings and yadda yadda...but I still want an energy drink stand or something))
6. Random thought...how much trouble do you think I'd get in if I accidentally tripped the little boy who keeps telling my kid he is small? ((Seriously the kid looks like he belongs in 3rd grade and reminds me of the ass clowns in Billy Madison...you know "O'Doyle RULES"))
7. I honestly have no fucking clue what my kid does all day. He tells me absolutely nothing. Today he did tell me that he went to lunch and recess. Sweet. Glad I am spending so much money on lunch and recess. For all I know they are brainwashing him and he is joining the occult. ((Joking people, joking. It IS a charter school..but they aren't that cray))
8. Finally...I realize I have just begun. I mean...it is kindergarten. I have 12 more years of schools and moms and bratty kids. Therefore, if you would like to help me keep my sanity, please mail me bottles of Jameson and Crown. I also accept cash and gift cards where these items can be bought. K, thanks.
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