Boobies, Bars, and Barfing

Well another Thanksgiving holiday has come and gone. And I thought about doing a cliche "I Am Thankful For..." blog, but I am sure everyone is as tired of those as they are leftover turkey. ((I sure as shit am.)) So instead of listing off every member of my family and Bowen and Diet Pepsi (among 3000 other things), I have decided to let you know what we did for turkey day.

On Tuesday I went to Bowen's school for their "Parents and Pies" Thanksgiving thingy. It was kind of lame, we all sat around and ate pie. During the pie eating Bowen pulled open my jacket and said, "Hey everybody, look at my mommy's big boobies!!!!" I knew I shouldn't have worn my cleavage showing shirt...but I was also a little hopeful there'd be a hot single dad taking notice. (No such luck) After my moment of being embarrassed it was time for the kids to make taking a 2 hour lunch worth while. All of the kids sat in a circle and said what they were thankful for. There were kids thankful for comic books, legos, God, Jesus, the stars and moon, and then my sweet little angel pie boy said, "I'm really thankful for my Mommy." OMG HEART MELTER!!! How sweet is that?! I mean...I think he had to figure out a way to get out of the dog house for the boob situation...and it worked.

Bowen and I went to Kansas for Thanksgiving. I haven't seen most of my family for like 3 years, so it was well overdue. I was SO excited to see everyone, nervous about traveling with my kiddo, and ready for a little mini-vacay. We had to be at the airport around 5am on Wednesday so my plan was to get a good night's sleep and wake up around 330. Umm..the sleeping did not happen. I literally did not sleep at all. I laid there with my eyes closed...and checked the clock every 17 minutes. We made it to the airport, Bowen was really good on the plane, however pissed that they didn't give him peanuts. He let the flight attendant know it was disappointing.

We made it to Kansas safe and sound...just a little bit tired. I was stoked to see my mom and sister and niece and the rest of the family. I was definitely looking forward to yummy food that I didn't have to cook!! And the drive from the airport to my mom's house ((the four hour drive)) made me realize how happy I am that I got the hell out of dodge. lol (Little town Kansas is good for a visit, but I don't think I could live there now that I have lived in Cali, Dallas, and Vegas)

Thanksgiving was amazing!! I got to see my aunts and uncles and grandma. The family is always entertaining and the food is awesome. I learned a lot about Nascar from my uncles, caught up on the family gossip, and watched the cutest niece ever dance around. We ate, went home and I took a little snooze. It was an all around great day.

Then Friday I went out with my cousin Chelsea. I had a few. I "stabbed" someone with a straw (I am trying to be more bad ass than I really am, it was a little poke lol) and then jumped over a bar to help the bartender only to get escorted out from behind the bar. So it was a good night. ((Seriously....bar owners in Liberal Kansas are so lame..where is their wild side?!?)) Anyways Chely Belly sure knows how to show a lady a night out on the town. I had a blast and it was some great cousin time.

Sunday rolled around and I have to admit...I was ready to come home and sleep in my bed and not have to listen to my son complain about his cousin ruining everything. Which was happening every five minutes. Our flight was delayed on the way home, but only by an hour. When we got home we snuggled up on the couch and watched movies. Ahhh...gotta love laziness.

I was SO tired I went to bed at 9. I was sleeping SOOOOO good. Until suddenly I woke up to the sound of someone vomiting....next to my head. And holy shit...it was actually happening. Bowen, my sweet boy, was spewing all over my bed. I finally got him out of the bed and headed to the bathroom and he collapses ((dramatically)) onto the carpet about a foot from the linoleum in the bathroom and barfs there. (For real...he couldn't make it 12 more inches to where it was easier to clean!?!?) I FINALLY get him into the bathroom and he refuses to puke in the toilet...it has to be into a towel. I mean COME ON!!!!!!!!! Anyways...we spent all night barfing into towels. It was quite eventful. Anyways, I think the puking stopped and we both fell back asleep about 7:30. Then when I woke him up at 9:45 ((I HAD to go get my laptop from the office and do some work)) he was perfectly fine.

Don't get me wrong..I was really worried about him and felt bad for him. I only had to do 4 loads of laundry and scrub 289 square feet of pukey floor...but he feels better and that is the most important thing. And I love his squishy little face.

SO......we made it to Kansas and had a good time. I was really excited to get back to Vegas for the first time in 2 years. Bowen got a gross tummy virus to top off the trip. And ya'll didn't even have to read another blog or facebook post about the 28 things someone else is thankful for.

When Geese Attack

Friday I had to take the day off because Bowen's daycare was closed. ((Seriously, they close for everything. Like MLK Jr day..who the fuck closes for that?! We live in Vegas for God's sake!!)) Anyways, after the crazy week I had, I was looking forward to chilling with my boy.

Bowen and I got to sleep in, which was awesome. Then we went to lunch with Reggie. Bowen loves Reggie. He kept trying to tickle him from the backseat on the way to lunch. He even acted awesome during the meal. I love Reggie and since he served our country, it only made sense to take him to out. Then after we dropped Reggie off at home, Bowen and I went to the duck pond.

The duck pond changed the day.

I had half a loaf of bread that was pretty stale and needed to be thrown out. Perfect reason to hit up the calm, fun duck pond. So we get to the park and go potty. (Thank God, because I may have pissed my pants in the next few minutes...) We walk up to the duck pond and there are tons of ducks and geese just hanging out. So I throw a few pieces to the animals and everything was going good. Bowen gets excited and wants to join in. Ok..Bowen throws some bread (Like a whole piece) out there and the ducks are happy, but the geese are slowly creeping closer, so we both scoot back. And in the next minute and a half was a flurry of bread being thrown as far as I could throw it so the birds would back the fuck off and us taking gigantic steps backwards.

One goose was giving me the evil eye. I think it smelled blood and wanted to fucking eat me. So Bowen is getting freaked out because the geese are as tall as he is and getting awful close. So I throw some more bread and a goose literally is two inches from me so I swing my bread bag at its head and tell Bowen we gotta go. That damn goose was retaliating. It made some ridiculous sound and started lunging it's head at my arm. I threw the rest of the bread on the ground and Bowen and I ran.

Bowen is yelling, "RUN MOMMY!!! THEY ARE GOING TO EAT US!!!!" And I was laughing so hard at the ridiculous situation going on, but also because I don't want to get bit by the goose chasing me. We were literally running for our lives.

So we make it to the end of the walkway and are laughing and I see a little boy crying. He saw the entire thing and was telling his mom, "Don't make me go over there!!!"

Bowen and I walk back to our car and he tells me that he does not want to feed the ducks anymore. From now on he just wants to go to the park, not the duck pond. I, of course, acted brave, but I sure as shit don't want to go back either. That is NOT cool. Damn ducks attacking people. The City of Las Vegas needs to be doing something about that.

The Inner Calm

Someone told me that 25 was the age where you really figure yourself out and what you want out of life. I always thought I was ahead of the game..had things more figured out than people my age...and in some ways I did. This year has been one of those years where I look back and say, "DAMN!"

For the first time in a really long time I finally feel at peace. Like things are going to be ok and I am finally happy. I don't have a lot of money, I have some seriously rough days, and there are nights where tears cover my cheeks before I fall asleep, but I know I am going to be ok. And it is the first time I can actually say this.

I have decided to let it all go. I can't control the future or what people are going to do, I can just control how I react. Now I'm not saying I will always react in the correct way or that I am suddenly perfect, but I think this is the first step to my life falling into place.

I am still figuring out how to handle Bowen handling the break up. It is getting easier..well maybe not easier, but more normal (which is sad), to have to handle the "Where is my Daddy?", or "You're mean because you won't let my Daddy stay here!", and my personal fav, "I want my Daddy not you!". It sucks...it breaks my heart...but Bowen is going to be ok. Right now I know he is sad, but all I can do is be there for him. All I can do is be the best mom I know how to be and hope that he understands when he is older why I did what I did and be ok with it. ((Honestly, he doesn't have a choice, he is gonna have to suck it up and deal with his mom not being Suzy Homemaker! lol))

And as far as no money goes...story of my life. lol Bowen doesn't really eat that much (damn picky kid) so that helps with the grocery bill. My new car gets better gas mileage than the old mommy mobile, so if gas prices would go down, I'd be good to go. I'm paying my bills, I've got a roof over our heads, and a job.

Speaking of jobs, my job is awesome. I am so blessed to work for such an awesome company and work with such a great group of people. If I didn't work with the team I do, I don't know if I'd have made it through the last few months. And not only that, but the guys we work with are (for the most part) so sweet. I mean, they honestly make your day worth while. Not only that, but it has seriously increased my problem solving skills. Because that is what we do. I book flights and travel, send off hotel information when needed. But what we really wait for is the problem, and then we jump on the problem and solve it. A guy misses his flights, you have to fix it, get him on the next available flight, make sure he gets his ass on that flight, tell the guy's picking him up from the airport, etc etc... It has really helped me with this whole only being able to decide how to react type of thing. ((Of course my reactions may include some yelling and cussing...on the home front or job front..but decisions are made!!))

A few people have asked if I am thinking about dating. And I did...for like a day...even started an eHarmony profile (but then I saw how expensive that shit was, saw the $6 in my account and stopped lol) However, I just quit thinking about it. I have thought I found "the one" twice. That shit bombed twice. And now that the last one is affecting my kiddo, I am obviously only thinking about that. I waited quite a while before introducing Jason and Bowen and I think I did and continue to do everything with Bowen's best interests in mind. However, I am just not ready to get involved with someone and have to think about how it would affect Bowen. Not only that, but it is SO nice to just have to worry about Bowen and I. I don't want to have to wonder if the guy I am dating is talking to another girl, cheating on me, if I am being bitchy to him, if I need to spend a Saturday with him instead of on the couch doing arts and crafts, etc etc. Dating is drama and I just don't have the extra energy to deal with that right now. So maybe a few months or a year from now I will want to date, but right now not so much. I mean...eventually it is bound to happen...I want to get laid before I am 26 ya know. lol

So...that in a nutshell...is my life as of now. ((Why do I feel like I just jinxed myself???)) I know there will be shitty days and probably a bill I can't afford coming soon ((ughh medical tests always end up fucking me)), but is what it is. I can only take it one day at a time. And annoy Bowen with lots of kisses in the mean time. And that is what I plan on doing.

Sorry About That

Bowen...the little love of my life...the heathen that controls everything in my world...the bratty beast that I snuggle every night...had a rough day today. Here is his harrowing tale. (Which is really my harrowing tale)

I was signing Bowen out of school today and his teacher came up to me and said, "Bowen had a rough day today." It is never a good thing when a teacher tells you this. So my response was, "What did he do?"

So she tells me that he was very emotional today. (Maybe he is getting my PMS symptoms?) He was getting upset very easily and crying if things weren't working out. Miss K said maybe he was tired. And then she tells me that he hit three kids.

While Miss K is telling me about Bowen's day, Bowen is standing next to me digging through his bag that I am holding. She says, "Bowen hit three different kids today." Without missing a beat Bowen replies, "Yea...sorry about dat." And keeps on digging for whatever shit is in the bag. Miss K and the other teacher and I all look at each other and then turn around to hide our laughter.

I had my laugh and then got back to the seriousness of the situation.

Bowen hitting pisses me off. I refuse to have a bully for a kid.

And not only did he hit a kid, but he went up to one of the kids during naptime and hit him while he was asleep. ((Maybe he is a great planner and waits for the best time for the attack??))

Then when the teachers told Bowen that they would have to tell me that he hit kids today he erupted into tears. He bawled for an hour and asked them not to tell me. ((Not sure if I should feel a sense of accomplishment or not. But I do.))

So I assure the sweet teachers that he will be punished for this and I will take care of it. And I apologize profusely and tell them that I am not happy about it and raise Bowen better than that.

On the way out of the school I tell Bowen he will not be getting any movies tonight (Which is what he was asking for) and that when we get home we are going to have a talk about his behavior. Ohhh the water works were on. And he kept telling me he was sorry. Then when we are in the car he tells me he wants Chili's for dinner. I tell him no because he was very bad at school.

He cried all the way home. And apologized all the way home.

We had a big talk...I told him no movies at all. He wasn't getting any treats tonight. (Which is candy or cookies) And that I was going to tell his teachers to call me if he hit another kid and if he did I would come up to the school and bust his ass.

Now I know what lots of people are going to say. He is hitting, so don't hit him back. Well I didn't. Today he hit three kids and he got time out three times. (So obv that shit doesn't work for every kid or every time) And I took away three things he wanted. We talked about his behavior again before bed and he promised me he was sorry and would not hit again.

And if he does hit again, I will go up to the school.

And at this moment I sound confident about my parenting skills. But in reality, when he does shit like this, it really upsets me. I get so upset when I hear about another kid hitting Bowen and I really don't want another mom to feel that way. And not only that, but is it somehow my fault? Did I not pay enough attention to him this weekend? What could he be upset about? Ya know...all the millions of questions that run through your mind when you realize that somewhere you missed something when taking care of your kid.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that this was just a bad day. That he realizes what he did wrong. And we never have this problem again.

And since I don't want to face reality right now..I am calling it a night and going to bed.

BOWEN: This is your mommy. We better have a better day tomorrow. I want to go to Chili's!!!!

The Balancing Act

Balance. That is what I need to find. However...literally and figuratively...I cannot find my balance.

I've basically been a single mom most of Bowen's life. When Jason and I moved in together was the first time I really had a partner and someone to help me raise my kid. I had a year and a half of help...and now I'm back to doing it on my own.

When my ex-husband and I separated I went home to mama. And she was an amazing help. Even when I (finally) moved out of her house and got my own place, I always had her help. She picked Bowen up from school and watched him when I worked my second job on Saturday's. If I wanted to go out one night I had a babysitter. And for those rare weekends away when Jason and I were dating, I was totally comfortable and happy leaving Bowen with his Nana. Plus if I was having a bad day she was ALWAYS there. I always had someone to hang with on the weekends if I was bored and she was always down for a Lifetime movie marathon on Sunday.

Now...I have none of these things. Ok..well I have Jason picking Bowen up on Tuesday's and Thursday's until 8pm. ((which is a really big help, don't get me wrong. Without that, I wouldn't be able to make my 40 hours for work most weeks)) Needless to say...I am running a little ragged. (Because on top of the madness of single motherhood, I do believe I am having issues with my thyroid..which is making things even worse)

So...how do mom's figure it all out? How do you start to date? How do you even find a guy to date?! How do you handle work and motherhood? And does it ever get easier? ((Actually...at the end of the day I don't even know if I can handle dating because I feel like life keeps attacking me.))

Let's just talk about today...I had to go to the grocery store and was SO tired. (piece of shit thyroid...or my body is falling apart..either way) So we go to walmart aka hell and finally get home. Bowen is sitting down eating and I am dragging a bajillion bags of groceries into the house. And during all my hard work Bowen is going on and on about wanting a movie on the big tv. I turn around and am telling him he needs to be patient, that I am busy and literally slide three feet on a fucking block and bust my ass on the hard wood floor. (Balance would have come in handy right then) So it gets really quiet as my huge ass hits the floor and Bowen says, "You should pick that block up, not step on it." And crunches into another chip. All I could do was laugh. HE did pick that block (and 739 other toys) up later...but it was just one of those laugh or cry moments.

A little bit later we tried to bake some sugar cookies. I made the cookies as directed..but the damn things were SO sticky. So I put them in the fridge. The WHOLE ten minutes they were in the fridge (Should have been longer but I was losing my cool) Bowen asked when they would be ready and can he use the pumpkin cookie cutter. Literally, "Mom, are the cookies ready?" Thirty five seconds pass. "Little Mama I want to use the pumpkin cookie. Can I use the pumpkin cookie?" Thirty five seconds after that..."Mama...Mommy...I think the cookies are done. Are the cookies done?" I got lucky and 45 seconds passed, "Little Mama...so I'm going to use the pumpkin cookie cutter. And I think the cookies are cold now." ANYWAYS...we get the cookies made. It was a long, hard process. But they were made. And he likes them. (I'm not such a fan..but I'm not eating them so it's all good)

Later I'm on the phone with a friend. (The first adult convo I have had in 24 hours) I am chatting away about her kid and her ex and Bowen suddenly decides he needs to show me a block. (probably the one that broke my tailbone earlier) And then he wanted to talk about Beauty and the Beast. And then he interrupted to tell me he wanted to talk to me. I was like DAMN!!!! I have been with the kid for 48 hours straight..it has been me and him...all my attention on him...and I want 10 minutes and he can't hang.

So needless to say this mom is enjoying her hour alone, with her freshly painted nails, and reality tv on. Even on the worst of days, days 42 times worse than today, I can look back and see how blessed and lucky I am. Right now I can pay all my bills. (Barely..but they are getting paid) We have food in the cabinets and I'm able to eat. (My Dad knows what I'm talking about) I have a car, a job, a roof over my head, and the best child in the world. Every night I go to my room and look in my bed and see the sweetest angel in the world laying on my pillow. ((That drool spot kind of kills the moment, until I remember that I can flip the pillow over.)) Bowen is my calm in the storm. He is the reason I keep going. And even though he tests my patience and gave me stretch marks and drains my bank account...I cannot imagine where and what I would be without him. But in the mean time...I need some balance. Some peace of mind. A little cash wouldn't hurt either. And some energy. Does anyone have any of these things to spare?

Sweet Little Lies...Except Not

Everyone lies. Sometimes to save yourself trouble, sometimes to hurt someone. Sometimes we lie and it isn't even with a malicious intent. Even if it is a little white lie done in order to not hurt someone's feelings. Everyone does it. Anyways..when does that start? When do we start lying? All I know is four years old is WAY too young for my kid to begin.

I can tell you, daycare/preschool has been great and horrible. This year Bowen has gotten in trouble for repeating the B word because another kid at school said it repeatedly one day. I also walked in one day to him punching a kid because the kid kept telling him he was building a bed and Bowen kept telling the kid he was building a house. (Totally worth a punch to the face, right? The damn kid should've listened!! ;-) ) And now I guess the little monster has learned how to lie.

This evening I had him from 7:45 to 8:45 (because he was with my ex) and he told me two lies in that short amount of time.

The first time he was in the shower and I told him I was coming in to wash his hair when he shreaked at me not to come in. Obviously that means he is doing something bad. For some reason I imagined him pooping in the tub. What he had really done was use my shaving cream. I have no idea how much he used, but you could definitely smell it. And he has a few little puffs in his hair. So I asked Bowen if he used my shaving cream. He says, "Noooooooooo."I told him that I knew he did and he should always tell me the truth. I also told him that he will get in a lot more trouble if he lies. He said ok and told me that he was sorry.

I thought I got through to the kid. I guess that I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

Silly, Mommy.

A little bit later we were in bed reading stories and right when I was tucking him in he tells me how hungry he is. Now he was with my ex, so I don't know if he ate dinner or not. So I ask him if he ate any nachos or popcorn when they went to the movies. He says no. I asked like 37 times if he was sure. Every time he says no. I call my ex and ask and the ex says he ate 3/4 of a bag of popcorn. ((And by this time we were downstairs so he could eat)) Needless to say I was pissed. I sent him upstairs without a snack. I told him he better not lie to me ever again or I am going to pop him on his butt. He knew he was in trouble so he started crying and telling me he was sorry. I sent him to bed without a snack...or a hug.

Needless to say...I am a little shocked. I can't believe he lied to me. TWICE. He is four years old! I wasn't expecting this until at least elementary school. And how do you explain to a four year old what he is doing?

I would SO much rather deal with him telling me his penis grows (which he does almost every day) or wiping poop off his butt or even picking a booger from his nose than deal with the lying. I don't even know how to begin.

Is it too early for military school? lol