Happy Halloweenie!!!

It is my favorite time of the year...Halloween time. I love Halloween. My mom used to make all of my costumes (and the other siblings..but lets focus on me) and once I hit my teen years, I usually had more than one. (duh, because you can't wear the same costume to numerous parties) One year we even had our family pics taken around this time and were dressed up as witches and a goblin dude (bc Chance refused to be a witch...I dunno why). Anyways..point is...I love LOVE love Halloween. However, my past few Halloween's have been less than exciting...mostly due to my evil child..I mean, sweet angel.

Bowen's first Halloween he was four months old and sick. We put him in his lobster costume and took pics (so effing cute) and then in his pumpkin costume (again so cute). And called it a night.

The next year he and I were both pirates. He did not like his costume, he didn't like his hat, he didn't want to go get candy...but he did enjoy handing it out.

Last year he was supposed to be Leonidus from 300. How badass is that?!? He had the cape, a little brown diaper cover, I was going to pain abs on him...it was going to be EPIC. He refused to wear any of it. We didn't go trick or treating. (I...later that night...did manage to get molested at a club by the black version of Mr Rogers...it was an interesting night)

So this year I had high hopes. I had decided I was going to be Poison Ivy and I was assuming Bowen wouldn't care what he was so I was going to make him be Chuck Liddell. (I figured it was my last year to have a say in his costume choice so I wanted it to be something cool) THEN Bowen decided he wanted to be a monkey. I was NOT happy about this. A monkey?! That is as bad as being a banana or random food item. I looked and looked at monkey costumes. They were not cool. But Bowen was persistent. So I ordered one on Amazon. I was thinking 25 bucks for a costume. I spent 40. 40 effing dollars on a damn monkey costume.

Well Bowen has worn the damn thing like a 100 times already. He loves it and it makes him super happy so I can't complain. (except when he needs me to put the feet on 45 times in 10 minutes...or he has to take the WHOLE thing off to go pee...or the ears fall off 32 times in 6 minutes)

Anyways, Bowen is attending his first Halloween party. And he is excited about going trick or treating. So I am even MORE excited about Halloween. (Not to mention that my costume is BOMB and I will be one hot mama the night before Halloween when the adults get to go out! Woot!) Lets hope he takes us out of the last three years of shitty Halloweens...I need a good one. And I deserve it! Happy haunting ya'll!!

The Power of Words

I know I have mentioned it before, but it seriously trips me out that Bowen and I can now carry on a conversation. I swear it seems like yesterday that I was playing 50 questions (because 20 was not enough) with the kid to try to figure out if he wanted crackers or cookies. Now he tells me he wants crackers. Or he tells me he wants to go outside. Or he tells me to stop talking...yea...so obviously there is bad that comes with this GREAT gift of gab. Don't worry..of course I will share all the bad.

Explanations

Now this one isn't REALLY bad. Its just funny. Everything Bowen says starts out with because. For example, I asked him where his underwear were the other day. His answer, "Because I don't want them." Umm..cool...I hate wearing undies too...but that wasn't the question. Or when I asked him what he did at school today. "Because I was pwaying and someone scwatched my arm." He was referring to his scratch on his arm that he got on Sunday from the dresser drawer...so yea...not sure about this one at all. And when he gets REALLY excited this is what we hear, "Because...because...because...Insert random statement here". I can't wait till I get to use "BECAUSE I said so!!".

Repeating

So...this I knew was going to be a problem. If you know me, you know I can cuss like a sailor. (Hard to believe, I know.) Anyways, this isn't really new, its just been an adjustment for me to TRY to put a filter on. I STILL stand firm with the fact that I am an adult (swear to Jebus I am) and I can say any word I want to...he is the child (promise) and he is not allowed to say bad words until he gets out of my house. That is my belief. So if I want to say SHIT...I'm gonna say shit. And when he says shit, I'm going to tell him to stop. I don't want any comments about this way of thinking, (I get enough from Jason) this is the way its going to be. Anyways, Saturday Bowen made me carry him from the mall to the car. Bowen is half my size and weighs almost 40 pounds. I don't remember what he said but he said something to me when I was putting him in the car and my reply was, "Well its because I was hauling your heavy ass to the car!" And he said, "I not a heavy ass mommy." It was pretty funny. Not going to lie. However, hearing your kid drop the f-bomb, not as funny. (Still a little funny though) So like I said..I am working on a filter. And I have been doing a little better. Its a lifestyle change people..give me a break.

Um....

I'm not really sure what to title this one. When me and Bowen are arguing or I am getting onto him (which may be seen as yelling) Bowen has started saying things like, "I can't do this right now!" or "Stop talking!". Or he just tells me, "No yelling at me Mommy!" But sometimes..on very special occasions this is what happens...a finger goes to his lips and you hear, "Shhh." and then, "Stop talking mommy! I can't do this right now!" and then he stomps off to his room. I don't really know how to handle this...because most of the time I have to stifle a laugh. But sometimes (like last night) I have had enough and I tell him to get it together and stop doing whatever he was doing or he is going to bed. And sometimes (like last night) it works. Which is great. Because he stops and goes to his room..which allows me to laugh at him.

Loving Moments

And of course, there are the sweet moments when he says things like, "Give me smoochers mommy!" Or "I love you mommy". Or "I'm sorry mommy" ...those are the moments that make this whole talking thing so wonderful. So thank God the good comes with the bad and every now and then he will ask me for a smoocher or randomly tell me he wants to 'snug' me. Because if there was none of that, I would surely lose my mind.

The Burrito and The Babe

So..this is a few days late...but once you read, you will understand that I was just too tired to post anything.

I believe every parent deserves a night out. A night out that includes a drink or two or three. As long as the kids are safe and sound and taken care of..duh. So here is my tale of going out..and the next morning.

Saturday night I went out with some friends. We started out at Miller's Ale House, where I did not enjoy any ale, but did enjoy a fruity vodka and schnapps filled drink, then three captain and diets. (Umm..I was parched. Don't judge me.) THEN we decided to take a walk the strip. Honestly, I was kinda excited because I have really only walked the strip once and it was during the day.

While walking the strip a friend of a friend was getting those nudee baseball type cards that they hand out. Why..I have no idea. Anyways, SOMEHOW about 20 of them ended up in my purse without me noticing.

We ended the night relatively early and went home. I didn't have any reason to check my purse for anything so I still had not noticed the star covered ta-ta's hiding in my purse.

The next morning Bowen woke me up by poking me in the eye. It was 7:30. I went to bed at 4. I tried getting him to poke Jason in the eye...he did...Jason rolled over. I tried waking Jason up. He didn't. SO (unlike Jason) I sucked it up and got my aching head and feet out of bed to handle the ridiculously happy child.

So we get up and I am sitting on the couch, rehashing the nights events with a friend and realize if I am going to make it through the morning I am definitely going to need something greasy for breakfast. At 9:30 I had to wake Jason up and figured I'd try to drag him to breakfast with me. Jason wasn't having it. (the Rangers were playing in half an hour..so I understand..but we have TiVo..asshole) Anyways, I decide Bowen and I were going to go get a breakfast burrito and that was that.

Bowen and I were a hot mess. I had some baggy capris on that I wore when I 39 months pregnant, a hat, glasses, and last nights smeared make up. Bowen atleast had matching pj's but no shoes. Whatever...it was Roberto's...not a five star restaurant. So we walk in and go place our order. When the cashier tells me how much it is I reach into my purse for my wallet and out fly 25 nudee baseball cards. The cashiers face had a look of disgust/horror. And I am pretty sure my jaw dropped onto the counter. Then Bowen, who was sitting on the counter, picked up a card and asks, "Mommy, why her have stars on her boobs?"

So you see...there was no way I could recover. I couldn't brush it off and say, "It was a good night." because NOW my 3 yr old was holding a hooker's business card!!! I swiped all the cards back into my purse, paid the lady, took my burrito, and child, and ran.

THANKFULLY, Bowen did not have any more questions on that buxom babe's bod, because I bribed him with a coke. And he is 3...so..its not like he will be scarred or anything..BUT I, on the other hand, cannot ever go back into Roberto's. Thankfully, there is a Fausto's right across the street.

Not A Hill..A MOUNTAIN

Here is your warning....if you can't handle bodily functions talk..don't read.

Now that you have been warned...here goes...

Tuesday morning I got a call from daycare saying Bowen puked...alot. It was like 9:15..So Jason and I discussed who should leave work and he said he would. (I argued a lot. I feel like..as a mom..I should be the one home when the kid is sick. Number one, its my kid. Number two, mommys are better at comforting. Number three, I don't get grossed out over puke or shit..from him) Anyways, Jason takes Bowen home and I am checking in constantly...because I am not only concerned about my sick baby..but how Jason will handle him.

Jason and I are talking over an IM..this is the convo

J: Sooo Bowen is taking a nasty poo...

S: Eewwwww

ten minutes later

J: I have a story..

S: A good one or bad one?

J: Bowen just took the grossest poop. I knew it was going to be bad from the noise. So he finishes and stands up, looks in the toilet and smiles. Then comes over to me, his eyes all shiny with excitement and says, "I made a mountain!!!!"

Of course I thought it was HILARIOUS!!! Where the hell do kids come up with this shit??? (and not the literal shit..I know where that comes from) A mountain? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

So I come home a few hours later. Guess what he runs up to me and says...

"Mooommy!!! I made a MOUNTAIN!!!!"

I said, "A mountain of poo???"

He says, "YEP!!" and was so happy.

I wish things like a good poop made me that happy. Ohh to be three again!

Gold Star for Bowen

Yesterday we had our first parent teacher conference. OK...I would like to make it out that my child is this awful kid and that the teacher's are at their wits end...just so it could be more entertaining. However, (and thankfully) that is not the case. We had a new director take over our daycare and we also got a new teacher, so they had a meet the teacher's night.

Bowen's last teacher was awesome. I loved her. I felt great knowing that Bowen was in her class and she really seemed to get him. (like his awful morning moods and his serious hard headedness..not sure thats a word, but it is now) So I was interested to meet this new lady and see what she was all about. (Umm yea...didn't think she would be that great..not gonna lie)

So we show up to meet the teacher's night. Can I tell you how ridiculous we looked as a family? First, there was Bowen, who had on shorts and a fleece jacket (he HAD to wear it and I wasn't in the mood to argue) when it was 80 degrees outside. Jason was wearing khakis and a button down shirt, looking like Ward Cleaver. (I mean that with love, just trying to prove his preppiness) And then there was me....tights, black shirt, rasta hat, nose ring, tattoo blazing...(I got told I looked a lot like a French person yesterday..not the look I was going for, but whatever) I am sure the teacher was like wtf kind of motley crew is this. Anyways...we go in and she introduces herself. I think her name is Felina. Anyways she told us that Bowen is a great kid. That she uses him as a leader and for examples to the other kids. (not gonna lie, this shocked the shit out of me) And that he is great at picking up and helping out. (Oh really? Where is this kid at my house?) She gave me two bracelets he made for me. (I have never loved pipe cleaner and 3 cent beads so much in my life.) She also let us know that Bowen is really patient and spent a lot of time on the bracelets and that he builds awesome stuff with the blocks. (hello architect!) Did I mention that Bowen was in a piss poor mood at this thing and did NOT want to be there? So while she was complimenting how awesome and well behaved he was acting like a brat. As far as she went, she seemed really down to earth and like she got it. (you know what I'm talking about..it) She is a single mom of three (major props to her) and seemed really down to earth and made sure to let me know that if I needed anything or had concerns to let her know because we were a team. She made me feel comfortable with her, which is good because she didn't want me to go all mama bear on her ass. And I would have. Anyways basically my kid is BAD ASS and we are rocking at the parenting thing.

It was good to get some positive feedback. I am glad he is a good kid. My parents always got compliments about how wonderful we all were in public, so I am glad the tradition is continuing. Now what people don't realize is that we were little shits at home...and that tradition is carrying on as well. BUT its all good...keeps things interesting.