Boys and Their...Toys

I'd say it is pretty obvious that my house is always a little crazy. And it is only Bowen and I. Every day is an adventure and you never really know what to expect. It doesn't only pertain to the household...it usually goes beyond the home and to wherever we may happen to be.

We have had a few hilarious/awkward/wtf moments lately...

Obviously if you have a little boy you know that morning wood starts at a very young age. And, if you've ever been in a relationship, it never ends. Anyways, morning wood has caused many awkward mornings for Bowen and I.

The other morning Bowen woke up, I followed him to the bathroom so I could get his toothbrush ready while he peed. I'm minding my own business and I hear giggling and turn to see Bowen peeing EVERYWHERE. This was our conversation...

Me: Bowen!!! What in the.... STOP PEEING EVERYWHERE!!!
Bo: MOM it won't point down. :::Giggling:::
Me: Push it down! PUSH IT DOWN!!!
Bo: It's sticking UP! It won't go down!!
Me: Umm...fuck...well...fuck...lean forward! LEAN FORWARD!!!!

Needless to say in the 12 seconds this conversation took, he had emptied his entire bladder...all over the bathroom.

A few days later we had another penis problem.

Bowen has a little girlfriend in his after school program. She is the daughter of one of the teachers and the two are like a little married couple. It's all very love/hate.

Well Bowen was leaving so the little girl decided to give Bowen a hug. Bowen was NOT having it. Finally they had a long hug...a LONG hug...and we were ready to go. Except Bowen was doing the pee-pee dance. So, like any good mother, I asked if he needed to pee.

Me: Bowen, do you have to pee?
Bo: No.
Me: Well you're standing funny.
Bo: I'm good.
Me: Are you sure? Because you're acting like you need to pee.
Bo: I said no...
Me: Ok well it's a pretty long drive home, so if you need to go...
Bo: MOM I do NOT have to pee!!! My penis is sticking up!!!

I don't blush easily. Nor do I get embarrassed easily. I was embarrassed. I was blushing. LUCKILY the daughter's mom was not offended and laughed about it. Thank the fuck. Needless to say...the next time he says he does not have to pee, I'm gonna believe him.

And then there is always the bathroom in public issue.

I'm a single mom. Have been basically since he was born. So basically the poor guy has to pee in the girl's bathroom wherever we go.

The other day we were at the Dr's office and we had to pee. The stalls were ridiculously small so I stood outside his stall while he went pee.

I'm checking my Twitter, listening to the bitching wives in the two stalls next to us, almost totally minding my own business.

Then I hear...

Bo: Oooh yeaaaaa...peeing with my penis.
Me: Bowen!! Shut up.
Bo: MOM I can spell things in the water. With my penis.
Me: Ok cool. Finish peeing.
Bo: Don't be mad because you can't write in the water with your penis.
Me: I'm not Bowen! Shut up. Pee. Let's go.
Bo: Fine. I am almost done. Peeing. With my penis.

What can I say? He is proud to be male. Aren't they all, though??