I'm So Vain, The Song Is About Me

I am one of those people who thinks they are prepared for everything. For example, the SAT's in high school...I thought I had that shit down and didn't need to study. I was wrong. And I have completely erased my terrible score from my memory. Or another example, taking care of babies. I thought I knew all about them since I was the oldest sister of four. My kid was over eating and puking for like two weeks when he was a newborn. I couldn't figure out what the hell was wrong with him, then I finally realized he just needed a binky (after my mom told me). Anyways, before we delve too deep into the plethora of shit I have thought I was prepared for, but really wasn't, let's just get to the point. I thought I was prepared to have no hair. I was wrong.

I have had a huge wake up call on this whole lack of hair thing. For two months I told people, "Oh it is just hair...it'll grow back." I even said, "It is a small price to pay compared to what these kids go through." And while I still honestly believe both of these things, I also truly believe I look heinous.

I am not a cute bald chick. I definitely look like a boy. Thank God I am seeing someone or my chances of getting laid would go from the previous (being the pre-Jeremy) 12% to, at the very least, -12%. But that is neither here nor there.

So funny thing happened....as I mentioned before in my last blog, the big man at the office, Dana White, made a huge donation of $5000.00. I finally ran into him and was wearing a wig and he was like..what the hell? So it took it off and showed him my bald head. He loved it. He hated the wig. He was super cool and told me that I had a great head. (I've heard this a few times. Wtf did ya'll think my head was going to look like? Caved in on one side? lol) Anyways, I told him that I felt like a boy...he told me I did not look like a boy and rocked the look (pretty sure he was playing with my emotions! lol) and if he didn't think so he wouldn't say that. Then told me how cray it was for him to shave his head for the first time. Anyways..he told me no more wigs. So..I walked outside and put my wig back on. I was embarrassed!! lol Then he came outside and told me to take it off. So I did! (You don't want Dana pissed at you.) More conversation came about and basically he told me he made a huge donation so he says he better not see me in a wig at work. And I couldn't argue at all. SO since then...no wigs at work. And it is SO hard!! lol (But then I was upstairs outside his office today and he told me that he liked to see the no wig look, then rubbed my head, so it is obviously worth it!)

This very same day that Dana got on me about wearing wigs, the movie My Sister's Keeper (the book was even more amazing btw) came on and as sad as it makes me, I have to watch it every time it is on. When it came to the part where the main character didn't feel pretty (as she was trying to pick out a dress for a dance) it kind of hit me that I was being a little bitch. I mean this is probably how thousands of girls feel!! So I felt super guilty and it kind of put things back into perspective.

NOW...I still really dislike my lack of hair and feel really self conscious. BUT I know it is going to grow back, so I am feeling better about it. I really didn't think it would bother me that much, but it really has. So I am definitely not as great of a person as everyone thought I was. When I start to feel like shit about my head, I remember all the little boys and girls who don't have a choice and are sick on top of everything else and think they look ugly....when really..they are the true heroes and most beautiful people ever.

On the positive side...on days like today when I wake up 15 minutes before I need to leave the house, the lack of hair really helps!! Also...I am saving a TON of money on hair products, cuts, and colors. Money that can go towards high heels. Which we all know I need more of.

Bald, But Not So Brave

I have started and stopped, typed and deleted, and opened and closed this blog about 16 times. I have been trying to do this for over a week now and it isn't coming together like I wanted it to. Writers block already and I'm not even a real writer. It is pathetic.

As you can see from the picture above, I am bald. In January I joined the St Baldrick's fundraiser in an effort to raise money to find a cure for childhood cancer. The incentive to donating money is that I will shave my head. People donated (Thank you all SO much) and I shaved my head. I raised $6,040.00 (HUGE shout out to Dana White for donating 5g's!! How awesome is my boss??) and the St Baldrick's fundraiser that I participated in raised $233,733.00. And that was just ONE venue in this HUGE fundraiser. So we did good.

I would like to say that I did something amazing. That it was inspiring and did some good. But I don't exactly feel that way.

This is how I feel....

I met my best friend in third grade. She came into my class wearing a hat over her bald head. I heard she had cancer, but at 9 years old I didn't understand it. I had no clue what white blood counts were or the immensity of chemotherapy. I just knew she was a cool girl who got to wear hats, had the best clothes, and was nice. This little girl changed my life forever.

Kayleigh was diagnosed with neuroblastoma at 16 months old. Most of your reading this are parents, so I want you to stop and think about this for a second. Imagine your baby at 16 months. Hell, imagine your baby now, whether they are 6 months old or 26 years old. What if that was YOUR baby getting diagnosed with cancer? I can't imagine. It pains me to even think about my kid having the flu, let alone cancer.

Anyways...the fact of the matter is...I spent summers jumping on a trampoline with her, played Barbies with her, and had so many sleepovers with her that I was probably at her house more than I was at my own. (Sorry Dori and Dan!! lol) She never once complained about being sick or tired. I never saw her cry or get mad about the disease she had. I never heard her say she was scared to die, or that she even might die. I never heard her talk about the fact that when she got older the chemo may have ruined her chances to have babies. Or even the fact that she might not live to see that day. I mean really? I know I complain any time I have a freakin' runny nose, this chick was taking medicine that is poison to your system, she didn't say a thing. She was brave. And amazing.

The St Baldrick's website always told us shavees that we were heroes...but in all honesty, we aren't. We are not heroes. We are raising money for a cause that needs it. We shaved our heads when thousands of little kids don't have a choice. These kids not only lose the hair on their heads, but their eyebrows and eyelashes. We had a choice. They did not. It doesn't make us brave or heroes to shave our heads...it makes us lucky. Lucky that we can do this. Lucky that we have choices like this.

Cancer is an awful disease. It is heart breaking to hear of anyone getting diagnosed with it no matter what the age. What is really awful are these innocent children who are diagnosed and have not even had the chance to experience life. I think about Kayleigh and how she missed out on junior high and high school, prom, finding love, having her dream wedding, and experiencing the amazing rush of holding your baby for the first time. Things that girls dream about from the age of three. She is my reason for shaving my head. She is the reason for raising money to find a cure for a disease that is stealing the lives of little kids who deserve a chance. Who deserve to see all of the things we take for granted.

Once again...thank you to everyone who donated. And thank you all for your support. I might sound like being bald is no big deal, but it has definitely been a big change. (I'll blog more about that eventually) And if anything, I hope this at least makes you stop and think for a few minutes about how lucky and blessed you really are. And if you have babies...send them a text, give them a call, hug them extra tight...because they deserve it and because no one is promised tomorrow.