So I'm a little crazy...maybe a lot crazy. And I go to therapy. Mostly so I don't lose my shit and have a mental breakdown in the middle of the work day or get pissed and smash all of my plates. Any ways..for all you haters (get the fuck off my blog), kiss my ass..you probably need therapy way more than I do. ANYWAYS...the last few weeks have been pretty rough. Thankfully...I got to talk to Renee today.
Anyways, I am the first to admit I have a temper. I can come unglued in .38 seconds and it isn't pretty. Since I've become a mommy, it has gotten a lot better, but that temper is still there. And I also tend to hold a grudge. (it is the scorpio coming out) Needless to say...I have a lot of anger and...grudginess...towards both of my ex's. And even more anger at myself. So I was talking to Renee and she told me that I need to let go of the anger and let the grudges go. Uhh yea..no shit..easier said than done. Basically she brought it back to being a mom. And that our kids can tell when we aren't in a good place.
And damn it..I know she is right. Bowen and I are SUPER close. If I'm having a bad day or am sad he instantly knows. She said I am a good mom, but this is holding me back from being a great mom. (which made me cry...of course) Now normally...ok fine, I said it in my head at first...I would tell her, or anyone for that matter, to go fuck themselves, because I am damn good mom. BUT she has been in my shoes, so I can see her side of things. Plus she is a lot like me, which means I take what she says more seriously than most people.
Anyways, the anger/grudge situation is something I have ALWAYS struggled with. But I would like to be able to let it go. Because forgiving someone isn't for them, it is for me...right?? The problem is...I have no idea how to do that. So any tips are welcome. Because I want to be the greatest mom I can be. Plus, my kid has like almost ALL of my good attributes and I don't want him to get my bad ones, so the sooner this one is gone, the better.
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