Monday, October 24, 2011

The Birthday Blog


I was going to write about my 25th birthday and how much I appreciate life and how much I've learned. But it seemed a little too easy. And honestly, everything I've learned, I've learned the hard way and it kind of pisses me off. So...to spare you the Bitter Betty Blog, I've decided to talk about things that I love.

1.) The Texas Rangers. Ok..I admit..I am a relatively NEW baseball fan. I never lived with/dated anyone who liked baseball until Jason. The good thing about this is...he was a fan of the Rangers and they are hottest team in MLB history. Josh Hamilton is a sexy, beast. He has that reformed, bad boy thing going on..tattoos...hotness. Yummy. But let's not forget about CJ Wilson and his artistic self. I think we could have some fun with him, me, and a camera. (Just sayin!!) And Ian Kinsler. David Murphy. Nelson Cruz. Craig Gentry. Honestly..the list could go on and on. And I have a list. Let's just hope I don't ever get the chance to go to a meet and greet..for their sakes. I can promise that at least one of them would be suffering from Hamilton's most recent injury by the time I was done. (PS..I don't like the rangers only because they are hot..I honestly love watching baseball now)

2.) Hail to the V. I love the new Summers Eve commercial. I mean.. I don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong, but I've never had a man risk his life for my vag. I have been known to make a man fall in love after a sack session (or at least major lust), but there have been no threats made to another dude. Either way..I love the damn commercials. And we all know, the hoo-ha has some power. (Admit it guys) I am glad that it is now being made public. Hail to the V guys!

3.) Crown and 7. I got to go out for a birthday get together on Saturday in my honor and it was SO nice to get out of the house, be with other adults, and have no children around. And, of course, enjoy my fav bevie..crown and 7. My old drink was captain and diet coke with a lime. Then this dude introduced me to crown and 7. I think that is why I keep him as my friend, because I feel like I owe him something for introducing me to this bubbly, refreshment. One sip and your body is taken over by pure happiness.

4.) Spartacus. I've watched both seasons of Spartacus and I keep watching them. I can't brag this series up enough. First of all, it has violence. Men beating the shit out of each other. And sometimes women. ((I work for the UFC..obviously I enjoy this type of thing)) And they are sexy, muscular men. ((Like the dudes in 300..which also makes me drool)) AND it is sort of like porn. I've never seen so many orgies and boobies and man packages in my life. I did get pretty pissed when my fav boy got killed, but at the end of the day I love it. And I love to watch it right before bed so I can dream of Spartacus!!!

5.) Bowen. I had to add the kid because I love him more than anything in the world. The other day he brought over a bowl of popcorn, climbed onto my lap, and farted. He sighed and said, "well I think I have gas" and ate a handful of popcorn, like nothing happened. As gross and crazy and obnoxious as he can be, I love him SO much! He really does make everything in my life better. And I love him more than he will ever know. Awww..now I wanna go snuggle him in bed!!

Anyways..I hope you got a laugh or two. If you haven't checked out the Texas Rangers, ladies, you should. TRUST me. And everyone should youtube the hail to the v commercial. I love it. And if you haven't watched Spartacus you are missing out. AMAZING. You can't have my kid, so I can't help you with that...I mean you can always wish for a kid as awesome as mine.

Anyways..I am going to finish up this pint of ice cream and hit the hay. Kinda bummed there was no birthday kiss..but maybe next year. By a Texas Ranger.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The Grudge (not by Tool)


So I'm a little crazy...maybe a lot crazy. And I go to therapy. Mostly so I don't lose my shit and have a mental breakdown in the middle of the work day or get pissed and smash all of my plates. Any ways..for all you haters (get the fuck off my blog), kiss my ass..you probably need therapy way more than I do. ANYWAYS...the last few weeks have been pretty rough. Thankfully...I got to talk to Renee today.

Anyways, I am the first to admit I have a temper. I can come unglued in .38 seconds and it isn't pretty. Since I've become a mommy, it has gotten a lot better, but that temper is still there. And I also tend to hold a grudge. (it is the scorpio coming out) Needless to say...I have a lot of anger and...grudginess...towards both of my ex's. And even more anger at myself. So I was talking to Renee and she told me that I need to let go of the anger and let the grudges go. Uhh yea..no shit..easier said than done. Basically she brought it back to being a mom. And that our kids can tell when we aren't in a good place.

And damn it..I know she is right. Bowen and I are SUPER close. If I'm having a bad day or am sad he instantly knows. She said I am a good mom, but this is holding me back from being a great mom. (which made me cry...of course) Now normally...ok fine, I said it in my head at first...I would tell her, or anyone for that matter, to go fuck themselves, because I am damn good mom. BUT she has been in my shoes, so I can see her side of things. Plus she is a lot like me, which means I take what she says more seriously than most people.

Anyways, the anger/grudge situation is something I have ALWAYS struggled with. But I would like to be able to let it go. Because forgiving someone isn't for them, it is for me...right?? The problem is...I have no idea how to do that. So any tips are welcome. Because I want to be the greatest mom I can be. Plus, my kid has like almost ALL of my good attributes and I don't want him to get my bad ones, so the sooner this one is gone, the better.


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Anatomy 101 & Killer Illnesses 102


I am almost over the flu...the flu is awful. I don't remember having the flu growing up. All I remember is having it since I moved to the evil, effing desert. I got it last year in February and it was brutal. I mean all of a sudden my body started to hurt and I had to lay down...then the fever, chills, nausea, and the feeling of death coming over me took over. And all of a sudden Friday the same shit happened. I started puking and by the time I drove from the office to my house I could barely move. Good new is...I survived and it looks like it is almost over. The thing is...you can't be sick like that and be a single mom. You can't. I mean just going to pick Bowen up from school and come home on Friday, killed me. KILLED me. So...it has been a long weekend. ((This also makes me wonder if the flu shot is even legit. That is a whole other story though))

On the lighter side of things...last night I was putting lotion on Bowen after his shower, and all of a sudden he grabs his penis and shoves his hips at me and makes a shooting noise. ((Why is it that boys can make such awesome sound effects and girls can't...it is like they come out of the womb able to do this)) I was like wtf?! And started giggling...because how can you not laugh at that?? And then he does it again, but add this little hip swivel so he is "shooting" me from the left and the right. So while I'm trying not to laugh I am pushing him away and saying, "STOP!! Bowen don't do that!!!" And he suddenly stops, looks at me very seriously..and says, "I'm just shooting you with me peeenus...it is not that big a deal." And then he turns around and stomps off and finds his underwear. Really!? Really. He is 4 years old. WHY?! Why is he doing this already? lol

Then we were watching the UFC fights on Versus last night and these are the fighters that I booked flights for, so I am usually really into it. ((Hello...all my hard work went into that event lol)) So Bowen and I are snuggled up on my bed watching Pat Barry and Stefan Struve fight and all of a sudden Bowen says, "Mom...when I grow up am I going to have boobs like you?" So I look at him and say, "Bowen..boys don't have boobs." And he sits up, puts his hand on my face and says, "But they have boobs!" And points to the tv. So I explain that boys have pecs and girls have boobs. So, my very smart son says, "But we all have nipples. And gorillas have nipples too." Ummm...yea. We all have nipples. Gorillas too.

Anyways...it has been a puke and anatomy filled weekend. I can't say that there is ever a dull moment in this life. Maybe next weekend we can skip the puke and go easy on anatomy. Can't we just play with trains and draw pictures??