Most of the time I am full of inappropriate sayings, bad words, dirty jokes, and all those things most people try to hide. I take pride in my outspoken, hardcore, don't-fuck-with-me attitude. I love that shit. However, I have this problem that makes it really hard to be all I-Will-Cut-A-Bitch all day every day. The problem is, I hurt if someone else hurts. It hurts me when someone I love is hurting. I physically feel it. It sucks. BUT I do a good job at hiding it most of the time. Lucky for you all.
Anyways...I am in a serious mood..I have a lot of stuff weighing heavy on my heart and what better way to get it off my chest than to spew it to those surfing the world wide web? Here ya go...spewing is beginning...
I was on Pinterest just a few minutes ago and there was a picture of the cutest little boy on his first day of preschool rocking some pink and white zebra shoes. So of course, I clicked on the link and read the story to go with it. Long story short, this little boy loved these pink zebra striped shoes and his mom tried to tell him they were for girls and the kid said he didn't care. He went to his first day of preschool and got a ton of compliments and everyone his age loved the shoes. He did not get made fun of, which was his mom's fear. His mom posted the picture on her facebook and had numerous comments on how that was ridiculous, she was going to make her child gay, etc etc etc. The mom deleted the picture (and hopefully a bunch of her "Friends" who had such shitty opinions) and then told the little boy he would wear pink shoes if he wanted to, just do what makes him happy. He told his mom he didn't choose the shoes because they were pink, he chose them because they were zebra and zebra was his favorite animal. So I read this and it pisses me off and makes me sad. What the hell has happened to people? Grown adults berating a child and his parent over a pair of fucking shoes. THAT is pathetic. ABSOLUTELY disgusting. And it breaks my heart for that mother. But, mostly for that child and my child and all children, because that is how the world works today, and they are pure and innocent and deserve so much more than that in the future.
We are ALL guilty of judging someone. Fuck, I do it, and I HATE it. I sometimes catch myself and am super disappointed. However, I think I am pretty good at being open minded and accepting of all people. If we all made a little more effort to not judge people, how much better would the world be?
After the shooting in Newtown it seems like debate and hate have reached an all new high. It is so depressing that when a tragedy such as this occurs we don't come together as a nation or group, we fight with each other. I am the queen of debate. I fucking love a good debate. But I also go into one knowing that not everyone shares my opinion. And I certainly am not trying to change someone's opinion. I learned a long time ago that it is almost impossible, so why risk a friendship or something over that? What happened was awful. It made me cry. I have a kindergartner. What if that was his school? His class? It is terrifying. Does something need to be done so we can send our baby's to school and not worry? Of course...but attacking each other is not solving anything. Now is the time we need to hug our kids a little closer, be thankful that we still have the ability to hold our child, and come together to work on a solution. No parent should ever have to hear that their child was murdered. No child should ever have to witness such an atrocious crime. This is a tragedy. That is the only way to describe it. So in the wake of tragedy, let's come together and help each other get through it, not hurt each other more.
On a personal note, because let's face it, it IS all about me... I have had SO MUCH shit talked about me for taking self portraits. Caring what I think about my appearance. Wearing wigs. Touching up my make up after lunch. Wearing what I wear. Having tattoos. Cussing. I went through a SUPER ugly stage in junior high. I got made fun of ALOT. Then I got cute. Thank Jesus. Then I got married, had a kid, and ya know, was not so cute. In fact, I was told at one point that being seen naked was gross and basically there would be no dirty dirty with the lights on. So, my self esteem was a wreck. I got out of that relationship. Lost baby weight. Got my self confidence back. I have been through some shit in life. I have been in an abusive marriage. I have literally had to start life completely over while raising a baby and battling depression. I have watched my best friend die of cancer as a child and I am watching my Dad fight (DEFEAT) cancer again. I have listened to my kid cry and tell me he doesn't have a Dad and now ask me if I was going to leave like everyone else. I raise a five year old on my own, no family near me, I have managed to figure out how to make $20-30 bucks in groceries last a week, while packing a kid's lunch every day. I have had weeks of ramen noodles every night to make that work. (Thank God I like ramen lol) The point is, I do my make up and wear sexy/cute clothes and wear wigs because I like it. It makes me feel good and confident when I have my face on and my jeans and heels make my ass look nice. And right now I don't like my hair because it is in a weird growing out stage because I shaved my head completely fucking bald to raise money for childhood cancer. And I didn't think being bald would affect me, but it fucked my confidence level UP. And unless you've been there, you don't know how it will affect you. I take pics of myself because on that day I feel pretty. And I don't feel pretty and cute every day. So when I do, I take a pic and the next time I don't feel cute I can go look at that pic and remind myself that I am a really pretty person. I don't do it for compliments, though everyone likes a compliment, I do it for me. I wear make up for me. I wear wigs because I fucking love wigs and changing my look. And I love my high heels and will wear them until I can't anymore. I do that stuff for me...not for anyone else. So thankfully, after being called four eyes and nerd and ugly since the first grade, I can handle people talking shit. I guess the thing is..in the heat of the moment people just talk. They don't stop to think about the impact their words may have on someone. How one little thing can affect someone for so long...change their view on life..love..everything.
The fact of the matter is, we were all raised differently, taught different things, came from different walks of life. Even people raised by the same parents take different life lessons and memories from their childhood than their brother and sister. No two people are alike, the great thing is, we can learn something from each and every person. I have been so blessed to meet so many amazing people in my life and gain so many life lessons in doing so. I can name off something great about every single person in my office. And while I don't always agree with that person, they still have something good about them that I can take something away from and that is truly a blessing that we all have.
No worries everyone...tomorrow I will be working and not watching Grey's Anatomy and reading the news all day...so I will be back to my "I will stab you in the eye with a rusty spoon" self.